Maybe I should take a page from Blondie's book and rewrite my profile. It's probably about time, don't you think? I tell myself yes, that there are lots of things I need to do. But right now I am feeling the teensiest bit burnt out. OK, I lie. I am completely burnt out. And not just from match.com dating, but from numerous facets of my life.
To begin, my job is challenging. I am about 3/4 of the way through my second year of full-time teaching and it ain't easy, people. I am feeling the burn! With four different courses to prep for and very little time in the day, my brain is constantly working. To be honest, I don't think my brain has worked this hard in years - not even when I was in grad school and certainly not when I was in my last job!
Next, I am in the process of looking for a new place to live. While this is not an emotionally difficult thing to do (it is actually an opportunity that I am really excited about), it is a very time-consuming and brain-using activity. I never knew I would have to use my brain so much outside of work! I always thought leaving work meant turning the brain off in order to make room for crappy reality television. Boy, was I wrong!
Finally, I just finished "training" and "competing in" a triathlon. I use the term "training" and "competing" loosely because I actually did hardly anything, physically, to prepare for this triathlon. But since I was serving as a support staff member, my duties this training season extended beyond simply just exercising. Those duties required brain power and other acts that are a step up from vegging in front of the TV.
So with these things in mind, I am simply exhausted. Beat. Mowed down. Who has time, after all that, for online dating? Not me. And that's clear in my actions. I am not blogging as much as I once was. I am waaaay less enthusiastic about my dating adventures. I am not oozing with positive energy. I am canceling on dates for no good reason. And I am, as per usual, trying to squeeze 25 hours of activity out of one 24-hour day. I am making life miserable for myself. I know and you know that I will never find a huzband like this.
So I've decided - after the three dates that I had scheduled for last week (see what I mean???) - that now is a good time to take a break. It won't be a super long break, I promise! But it will be a break that will last long enough to get me through post-triathlon soreness and team wrap-up, and to get me caught up with work - I will grade every single paper that has been turned in to date! Thankfully, the apartment hunting is already on hold until it gets closer to our move-in date, which isn't until July. What is important here is that I focus my energy in the right place. And right now, that is not on match.com. I will let Blondie take over the blogging for a while. I know y'all need to have your minds satiated with the exciting details of some poor single lady's dating life, so Blondie... it's all you!
But before I go, let me fill you in on last week's maction... To begin, my strong desire to take a break from match.com made going on my dates feel more like burdens than exciting adventures. So, I had Date #1 with CouldBeGhetto McPoorGuy on Monday night last week. Since he lives in San Francisco, we met halfway - in San Mateo - for a late dinner at KingFish ("Eat like a king, drink like a fish." Yup). It was an entertaining enough date. We got along really well and had a lot to talk about. He works for a non-profit in the City, which helps underpriveleged teens and young adults turn their lives around. I wanted to ask him (and I am not being judgemental here, but it is probably important to know that he is African American) if he had previously been one of these "troubled, underpriveleged teens," but I didn't want to offend him, so I kept that question to myself. But honestly, he definitely fit the profile of a reformed gang member... just sayin.
Instead of talking about the thug life, we talked about things like where he went to college, sports (because I am such a sports nut, duh), our lives growing up in the Bay Area, etc. I learned that he played football in high school and college, he drives a black Mustang with black rims (that is where the CouldBeGhetto nickname originates from. That, and some of his profile pictures wearing wife beaters and diamond-studded sunglasses), and he went to college in Oregon. Educated, interesting, athletic... wait a second, this guy sounds like a winner, right? Yeah, a bi-winner!
I probably would have been excited for a second date, but he totally ruined his stud status by suggesting that we split the dinner bill! Ugh. Are you kidding? So now I'm out another $30 because this guy's mama never taught him manners. Or he's just really, really poor. Both serious possibilities. Both total turn-offs. So bitterly, I pulled out my wallet and threw down my credit card. He knew I was going to be out of town for my triathlon, so he told me to call him when I returned. Needless to say, I will not be making that phone call. Boo to you, Mr. Cheapskate! Final vote: dud.
Next, on Tuesday was Date #2 with NeedsToEatACheeseburger McMichigan. We met for a drink - yet another sign of this guy's penny-pinching as well... still no offer to take me to dinner - at an Irish bar in Mountain View. He was 25 minutes late. Steeeee-rike 2! I got there a few minutes early, ordered myself a drink and some dinner. (This place is known for their awesome happy hour, with cheap food and drinks, so I wanted to get my order in before happy hour ended, which was at 6:30. We were meeting at 6). When he finally strolled in at 6:25, I urged him to get his order in quickly before happy hour ended. He didn't seem to be worried. We ended up chatting for an hour. It felt forced and all I could think about was when it would be too soon to say, "Well, I've gotta get going..."
And, to make matters worse, I ended up paying for his drink, since I had put my card down at the bar when I was waiting for him to arrive. That's two dates in a row where I had to pay! What is up with that? I am clearly choosing the wrong men. It's pretty obvious that I am not into this guy. I could see myself being friends with him as we definitely had a similar sense of humor. But I am certainly not going to send out a friend request on Facebook. To be honest, this relationship is done-zo. Final vote: bud.
Finally, I had Date #1 scheduled with AwkwardSilences McUnprounceableFirstName on Wednesday. Two things went wrong with this "date." First, I had attended a conference earlier that day where there was some interesting "Chinese" food being served. I, being the fat girl that I am, served myself two helpings of the concoction. Mmmm it was tasty. Later that day, as my Night School class was coming to a close, I had the nearly uncontrollable urge to run to the toilet. I was about three seconds away from an unfortunate accident. Luckily, I made it. As to be expected, having a near-accident in your pants is not the way you want to be feeling just before your first date. So I called to see if we could reschedule. Now, this is partly where the second problem comes in.
His mannerisms on the phone reminded me a little too much of the late-January dating disaster, Geeky McEastSlow. Yep, that would be the one who announced his Special Ed status to me at the dinner table, just before he asked to take the bread to go. So after two three-minute-long awkward silencey phone conversations, I was starting to worry about the social skills of my upcoming date. And, on top of that, he had a first name that I absolutely could not figure out how to pronounce! Before even meeting this guy in person, I could tell that it wasn't going to work. I told him we would reschedule for this week, but I am not feeling it whatsoever. My spidey senses are certainly NOT tingling. Final vote: dud.
I honestly believe that the universe was speaking to me last week... it sent me three good reasons to taking a match.com hiatus. I am listening, universe!
Showing posts with label tall guy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tall guy. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Zoinks!
I must have been sending positive vibes out to the universe because I had very limited maction up until about a week ago, and then my account started blowing up with winks and emails. Not all of them are brag worthy (of course), but I did find a couple of diamonds in the rough. Well, maybe.
So yesterday afternoon, I went on an hour-long coffee date with NeedsToEatACheeseburger McMichigan. This guy isn't quite as skinny as Foody McGradSchool, but he could probably stand to put on a few pounds. I'll let his lack of body fat slide, though, as the guy is 6'5" - I can't imagine how much you might have to eat to sustain 6 feet, 5 inches of body mass. Actually, who am I kidding, I probably eat enough to sustain a 6'5" man's body mass... hence the reason I have never been referred to as "skinny" in my life... waaaaaaah, I am crying now!
Anyway, back to our date. It was really nothing to write home about. (Therefore, mom, that would be the reason why I did not bring it up at dinner last night.) He is a giant, which I love, with dirty blond shaggy hair - in fact, now that I think about it, he kind of reminds me of Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I think he might have even been wearing brown corduroy pants - isn't that what Shaggy wears in the cartoon? And I wouldn't be surprised if he had smoked a bowl before showing up for our date. Hold on, let me check my sources: What do you think, Scoob? Zoinks! Ruh-roh! OK, good. Scoob says it's not the real Shaggy, so I will continue with my description. He has glasses, fair skin, and freckles. All in all, not bad to look at. He has this chill, Santa Cruz (hence the smoking reference above) vibe about him. Maybe even a little too chill. I mean, this guy could not have a care in the world! "Yeah, sure, whatever" was his standard response, and while I love a guy's chill nature, I also appreciate a guy who can make a firm decision. I know the pants look REALLY good on me, but I don't always want to be the one to wear them. Especially on our first date. That is YOUR job as the man, buster. Step up.
So conversation flowed really well. Witty banter back and forth. He made me laugh, I made him laugh. No awkward silences. Funny, interesting. And that's about it. There was nothing sparkly about the date. I felt like I was having coffee with an old friend. Or my brother. Yikes! That is not a good sign, is it? I want to like this guy because he has a lot of potenty - he, like me, is a teacher. His nickname, actually, should probably be TeachyMcTallGuy and then we would seem like the two most compatible people in the world. He would be the yin to my yang. But the truth is that he is not. We are not that compatible. We just happen to have a lot of things in common, including the same majors in college, but - sadly - that does not mean we are meant to be.
I left the date thinking, "Well, that was a fun use of an hour." I told him to call me if he wanted to hang out again. Since I have been the One-Date Wonder for the past several dates, I figured I would not hear from this guy again. But, alas! He texted me this afternoon: "hey Teachy, I had fun yesterday. Would u like to go out again this week?" I was shocked and kind of happy. I have broken the One-Date curse! It must have been those positive vibes I have been letting out into the universe. Perhaps because I am turning 21+10 this week and nothing makes me happier than celebrating my birthday! I am certain that happiness has been seeping through my pores and Mr. McMichigan sensed it. So, what was I to do? Turn down this perfectly nice gentlemen who clearly thinks I am an awesome, funny, and beautiful creature? No way, Jose! Instead, I agreed and we will be embarking on Date #2 on Wednesday night. Stay tuned! Current vote: Bud... but you never know!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Guest post: ticking clock
By LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian
So I am adding my dating woes to this blog in an effort to emotionally detach myself from my dating disasters. As Teachy has named me, I am LooksLike[Her] McHalfAsian. I really should start this off describing my relationship with LiarLiarPantsOnFire You’reMcMarried, but there is not enough time in the world for that one!
So we will start, instead, with SizeIsNotAlwaysProportionate McTooTall. Ok that was a low blow… pun intended! Though we met through match.com, McTooTall and I had a mutual friend, which actually got the ball rolling for us. I probably would have never let him into my house otherwise, but he seemed nice, cute, and athletic and came with good reviews. I have to admit, I began my relationship with McTooTall while was I still wrapping up the devastation of ending things with LiarLiar. Can we all say “REBOUND!?” I really don’t think McTooTall was too hurt by this. He got what he wanted – a casual, non-assuming, fit-you-in-when-we-can relationship… well, until last summer, that is.
Early July comes around and so does the frightful comment, “I want to have a baby with you!” I know all of you would assume this was coming from the chick, but nope, that was not me! I guess guys have biological clocks, too. My response: “Is this a joke???” Okay, my tact and kindness filter flew out the window there. Who says things like that when you are not in a whole-hearted, committed, loving relationship??? And girls get bad raps for crap like this! Oh yes, McTooTall was dead serious! After many discussions and not being completely sold, he throws in, “You want me to move in here?” I enabled my filter this time, “Ahhh, okay…” Subject dropped! After weeks of, “I hope you are pregnant,” and “I hope I knocked you up last night,” and text messages of “I want to impregnate you tonight.” Dude, I’m still on the PILL! (Side note, at the time my cell phone would verbally read aloud message. A text message like this can be a show stopper while out hiking with not-so-close friends. Some impromptu coughing on my part was needed.) Low and behold, he got his wish, but not by choice on my part. I was off the pill due to a 104-degree temperature and being comatose for 3 days. I had a pretty severe case of strep. I did not move for days and my pill was farthest from my mind. He begged me not to get back on.
More text messages: “Do you love me?”
I learned once… filter! My response, “Can I trust you?”
“YES!”
“Then I guess I could (at some point)…”
Then one day (mind you, he had stood me up the night before on my Mom’s birthday) comes: “Would you marry me?”
Ladies, don’t get excited here, this was not a proposal, this was merely a clarification for future reference. My response, “Ummm, when I’m ready…” Let’s just say this was the beginning of the end. Not that there was really a stable future here; after all I did start this on a rebound.
So McTooTall begins to realize what he is asking of me and flip out at his requests… aaah yeah! Then, I get asked out by another guy, Mc Masseuse (future blog) and McTooTall literally flips a lid. This would be the last time I actually see McTooTall. I soon go on vacation to Zion and Vegas and I know McTooTall and I are done, just not technically.
October 6th… Happy Birthday to me! I had returned from Vegas the night before and since it was my birthday, I thought that it might be nice to see the guy I am supposedly seeing.
Two text messages and one voicemail later, he finally responds via text : “I met someone else; maybe we shouldn’t see each other.”
Me: “When were you planning to tell me?”
Him: “Not sure. Have a happy birthday!”
Needless to say, Vegas did not go to waste. Thank you BlueEyed McTriGuy! Less than two days into my break up diet and I was knocking on McLawyer’s door. (Not to sue TooTall but to get over him [another blog]).
After being together for more than a year, rating him as a dud may be too nice…
That’s alright, because just a few weeks later, I met (and subsequently had my heart broken by) EmotionallyUnavailable McSurfer. This one is still a very fresh wound (a much, much later blog). And just for clarification, McSurfer was not a rebound… but the next guy will be!
Final vote: dud
***Want to submit your match.com dud dating disaster? Post a comment with your email address and we'll get back to you!
So I am adding my dating woes to this blog in an effort to emotionally detach myself from my dating disasters. As Teachy has named me, I am LooksLike[Her] McHalfAsian. I really should start this off describing my relationship with LiarLiarPantsOnFire You’reMcMarried, but there is not enough time in the world for that one!
So we will start, instead, with SizeIsNotAlwaysProportionate McTooTall. Ok that was a low blow… pun intended! Though we met through match.com, McTooTall and I had a mutual friend, which actually got the ball rolling for us. I probably would have never let him into my house otherwise, but he seemed nice, cute, and athletic and came with good reviews. I have to admit, I began my relationship with McTooTall while was I still wrapping up the devastation of ending things with LiarLiar. Can we all say “REBOUND!?” I really don’t think McTooTall was too hurt by this. He got what he wanted – a casual, non-assuming, fit-you-in-when-we-can relationship… well, until last summer, that is.
Early July comes around and so does the frightful comment, “I want to have a baby with you!” I know all of you would assume this was coming from the chick, but nope, that was not me! I guess guys have biological clocks, too. My response: “Is this a joke???” Okay, my tact and kindness filter flew out the window there. Who says things like that when you are not in a whole-hearted, committed, loving relationship??? And girls get bad raps for crap like this! Oh yes, McTooTall was dead serious! After many discussions and not being completely sold, he throws in, “You want me to move in here?” I enabled my filter this time, “Ahhh, okay…” Subject dropped! After weeks of, “I hope you are pregnant,” and “I hope I knocked you up last night,” and text messages of “I want to impregnate you tonight.” Dude, I’m still on the PILL! (Side note, at the time my cell phone would verbally read aloud message. A text message like this can be a show stopper while out hiking with not-so-close friends. Some impromptu coughing on my part was needed.) Low and behold, he got his wish, but not by choice on my part. I was off the pill due to a 104-degree temperature and being comatose for 3 days. I had a pretty severe case of strep. I did not move for days and my pill was farthest from my mind. He begged me not to get back on.
More text messages: “Do you love me?”
I learned once… filter! My response, “Can I trust you?”
“YES!”
“Then I guess I could (at some point)…”
Then one day (mind you, he had stood me up the night before on my Mom’s birthday) comes: “Would you marry me?”
Ladies, don’t get excited here, this was not a proposal, this was merely a clarification for future reference. My response, “Ummm, when I’m ready…” Let’s just say this was the beginning of the end. Not that there was really a stable future here; after all I did start this on a rebound.
So McTooTall begins to realize what he is asking of me and flip out at his requests… aaah yeah! Then, I get asked out by another guy, Mc Masseuse (future blog) and McTooTall literally flips a lid. This would be the last time I actually see McTooTall. I soon go on vacation to Zion and Vegas and I know McTooTall and I are done, just not technically.
October 6th… Happy Birthday to me! I had returned from Vegas the night before and since it was my birthday, I thought that it might be nice to see the guy I am supposedly seeing.
Two text messages and one voicemail later, he finally responds via text : “I met someone else; maybe we shouldn’t see each other.”
Me: “When were you planning to tell me?”
Him: “Not sure. Have a happy birthday!”
Needless to say, Vegas did not go to waste. Thank you BlueEyed McTriGuy! Less than two days into my break up diet and I was knocking on McLawyer’s door. (Not to sue TooTall but to get over him [another blog]).
After being together for more than a year, rating him as a dud may be too nice…
That’s alright, because just a few weeks later, I met (and subsequently had my heart broken by) EmotionallyUnavailable McSurfer. This one is still a very fresh wound (a much, much later blog). And just for clarification, McSurfer was not a rebound… but the next guy will be!
Final vote: dud
***Want to submit your match.com dud dating disaster? Post a comment with your email address and we'll get back to you!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Three strikes and you're OUT!
*Sigh*
This was an eventful and emotionally draining weekend, and for a brief moment (approximately 1 hour), I gave up on match.com. But I did some thinking and I'm ready to get back out there.
So here's what happened...
Strike 1: Friday night, I had my first date with Whitey McMidwest. Oh man, over text message, he was the perfect guy. And I had really high hopes for this one because we really seemed to connect and, in his words, "it [felt] like we already [knew] each other." Our first conversation over the phone lasted for one hour! That conversation took place on Saturday, January 7th and we made plans that day to do dinner and bowling the upcoming Friday night. Each day following, Whitey texted me and we had riveting textersations. We seemed to have so much in common, including an intense love for the show, Jersey Shore. He would text me things like, "Friday couldn't come sooner" or "I can't wait to meet you" in addition to things like, "We should do this..." or "We should go there together..." Things that, as a vulnerable single woman who tends to read into things sometimes, I was weary of getting excited about.
I've been in the non-relationship before where the guy talks up all the great things we're going to do together and then dumps me for some unexplained reason (before, of course, any of those things ever happen). So in order to prevent myself from getting too excited about Whitey, I continuously responded to his comments of "We should..." with, "We'll have to see how Friday goes!" No one wants to set themselves up for disappointment. I've done it before and I am learning not to read into everything a guy says.
So, with that in mind, we meet for our date Friday night. We enjoy a nice dinner and split a bottle of wine. We have great conversation - talk, laugh, learn about each other. It's nice. I feel like it's going well. After dinner, we head to the bowling alley and we bowl two games. When our games are over, he suggests we hang out in the bar where karaoke is about to begin. We are having a fantastic time. He doesn't appear to be bored nor disgusted with me as a person. Phew! Then, nearly five hours after it began, we finally decide to end the date. As we walk out, he gives me a small kiss on the lips, tells me he had a great time, and that he'll call me. I leave feeling excited and optomistic. I am even more optomistic when he texts me to tell me he's excited to do all those things we had talked about doing "after Friday." I smile as I fall asleep.
Fast-forward to the weekend. I do not hear from him. I become Crazy. I am even crying at some points because I do not understand WTF is going on. Three days go by and I finally hear from him on Monday evening when I get this text: "I've been doing some thinking and I just don't think we're a good match after all. I've had fun getting to know you and wish you the best of luck!" Don't cry for me because here's the honest truth: when he didn't call me for three days, I already knew that that was the text I'd be getting. It's called Women's Intuition and it involves the sick feeling you get in your stomach when you know something isn't going right. Ladies, DO NOT IGNORE THIS FEELING! It is real! No, something didn't happen to his phone. No, he's not just busy with his buddies. No, he didn't die suddenly. No no no. He is just not that into you (even though the guy who wrote that book is an asshole, he's right!) And only God knows the reason why he's not into you. But don't obsess over that either. Just do what you can to overcome the Crazy, and then move on.
So after a few tears shed - not over a simple white guy from the midwest, but over the disappointment of another lost possibility of finding love - that's exactly what I did. I moved on. Final vote, obviously: bud.
Strike two: I went on a first date with Foody McGradSchool on Saturday afternoon. I was not feeling nearly the connection with Foody that I did with Whitey, but who am I to turn down a free meal, right? I broke my first date rule and agreed to let him pick me up because he was driving all the way down to Sunnyvale from San Bruno. I found this guy interesting because he had a very positive outlook on life and he seemed to be really spiritually centered. I find that attractive, as long as it isn't too in-your-face. When this guy picked me up, I'll admit that he definitely looked like he did in his profile pictures, except for the fact that he was probably 100 times skinnier. I have actually never seen a skinnier man in my life. He was a beanpole. When he turned sideways, he disappeared. I felt like a giant beast next to this guy.
Other than his lack of body fat, I found him to be attractive and genuinely nice. We drove to a local Mexican restaurant. He had a white Acura with Dr. Dre playing on the stereo and it was at this moment that some things he had said in previous conversations ("I grew up in parts of Daly City and Vistacion Valley, near Hunter's Point," and "Growing up in the projects..." - btw, this is the whitest guy you've ever seen) caused me to realize that this guy is San Francisco's Slim Shady. He even had the ghetto driving swagger down, with the seat tilted back, extreme lean to the right, resting practically the entire right side of his body on the center console (which, btw, put his head about two inches from mine), and just one arm - his left one - draped loosely over the steering wheel. Man, this guy really IS from the projects, I thought. Oh, and did I mention that he was practically sagging his jeans all the way down to his thighs? I could not tell if he was going for the gangsta style or if he simply couldn't keep his pants up on his 25-inch waist.
At the restaurant, we enjoy a lovely meal and talk about many things, including how we are both really, really RIDICULOUSLY good at Words with Friends. So he asks me what my user name is and we have been playing since that afternoon (I am beating him). We even have a candid conversation about what it's like to be on match.com, dating multiple people at once, etc. I like how honest our conversation is. After lunch, he drives me back to my place, gives me a hug, and we say our goodbyes. Overall, no sparks, but a nice date. Final vote: bud.
Strike three: As you may recall, this weekend I was supposed to have Date #3 with Flaky McTallGuy. Well, guess what? Yep, that's right - he flaked. I had pretty much decided I was over him by midweek when I hadn't heard from him. Then, Wednesday night, he sent me a message. We texted back and forth for a bit until he finally asked, "What time on Saturday?" I told him anytime after 5pm. "I have plans at 7," he texts back. "What about Sunday?" Seriously!? Ugh, this is the flakiest guy I have ever met! I agreed to Sunday even though I was thinking, "You are a loser and I am done with you." A couple of days go by until he texts, then calls me at approximately 11:30pm on Saturday night. I had just arrived home from my date with Whitey. He shoots the shit for a bit until I start yawning. Sorry dude, but I am exhausted and have to get up hella early for Saturday morning triathlon practice. He tells me he has some ideas for what we'll do on Sunday and that he'll call to finalize plans. "Ok, sounds good. Good night."
Flaky seems to know when I am on a date with another guy because that always seems to be the time he calls or texts. So just as my date with Foody is ending on Saturday afternoon, I get a call from Flaky. I don't answer, of course, but listen to the voicemail when I get home." I am not surprised by what it says: "Hi Natalie... I've been thinking about things for a couple of days now and I feel like there's sort of a friend vibe coming down and I don't know if it's just bad timing for me or what, but I think you're a great girl and blah blah blah..." And then, at the end of the message, he says, "So let me know your thoughts." REALLY!? What, like I'm going to call you back and say, "NO! There's no friend vibe! You must take me out on Sunday!?" Whatever dude. I texted him back to say, "I agree" and told him to have a good life. But what I really wanted to say was: 1) grow a pair and don't leave something like that on a voicemail; 2) I think you might be gay (for real, I need to figure out how to post a snippet of a voicemail); and 3) learn how to manage your schedule so you aren't so flaky, you bonehead. But I decided to be nice. This time. he did text me back saying, "You are smart, funny, and have a lot going for you. Take care." Barf. Final vote: bud.
So now you might be thinking - well, three strikes and you're out, right? That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. For a second, I was totally down in the dumps. I wanted to give up on dating, give up on men altogether. BUT THEN... Blondie McSmartyPants gave me some good advice. After showing me an excerpt from a book she's planning to read (My Half Orange by Amy Spencer, which I will be reading as well), she decided that our problem is not that we can't find the men of our dreams, but that we're not putting all of our effort into attracting them. And she's right. I've got to focus on what I really want and use the power of optismism to attract Mr. Right. It WILL happen, I just know it.
This was an eventful and emotionally draining weekend, and for a brief moment (approximately 1 hour), I gave up on match.com. But I did some thinking and I'm ready to get back out there.
So here's what happened...
Strike 1: Friday night, I had my first date with Whitey McMidwest. Oh man, over text message, he was the perfect guy. And I had really high hopes for this one because we really seemed to connect and, in his words, "it [felt] like we already [knew] each other." Our first conversation over the phone lasted for one hour! That conversation took place on Saturday, January 7th and we made plans that day to do dinner and bowling the upcoming Friday night. Each day following, Whitey texted me and we had riveting textersations. We seemed to have so much in common, including an intense love for the show, Jersey Shore. He would text me things like, "Friday couldn't come sooner" or "I can't wait to meet you" in addition to things like, "We should do this..." or "We should go there together..." Things that, as a vulnerable single woman who tends to read into things sometimes, I was weary of getting excited about.
I've been in the non-relationship before where the guy talks up all the great things we're going to do together and then dumps me for some unexplained reason (before, of course, any of those things ever happen). So in order to prevent myself from getting too excited about Whitey, I continuously responded to his comments of "We should..." with, "We'll have to see how Friday goes!" No one wants to set themselves up for disappointment. I've done it before and I am learning not to read into everything a guy says.
So, with that in mind, we meet for our date Friday night. We enjoy a nice dinner and split a bottle of wine. We have great conversation - talk, laugh, learn about each other. It's nice. I feel like it's going well. After dinner, we head to the bowling alley and we bowl two games. When our games are over, he suggests we hang out in the bar where karaoke is about to begin. We are having a fantastic time. He doesn't appear to be bored nor disgusted with me as a person. Phew! Then, nearly five hours after it began, we finally decide to end the date. As we walk out, he gives me a small kiss on the lips, tells me he had a great time, and that he'll call me. I leave feeling excited and optomistic. I am even more optomistic when he texts me to tell me he's excited to do all those things we had talked about doing "after Friday." I smile as I fall asleep.
Fast-forward to the weekend. I do not hear from him. I become Crazy. I am even crying at some points because I do not understand WTF is going on. Three days go by and I finally hear from him on Monday evening when I get this text: "I've been doing some thinking and I just don't think we're a good match after all. I've had fun getting to know you and wish you the best of luck!" Don't cry for me because here's the honest truth: when he didn't call me for three days, I already knew that that was the text I'd be getting. It's called Women's Intuition and it involves the sick feeling you get in your stomach when you know something isn't going right. Ladies, DO NOT IGNORE THIS FEELING! It is real! No, something didn't happen to his phone. No, he's not just busy with his buddies. No, he didn't die suddenly. No no no. He is just not that into you (even though the guy who wrote that book is an asshole, he's right!) And only God knows the reason why he's not into you. But don't obsess over that either. Just do what you can to overcome the Crazy, and then move on.
So after a few tears shed - not over a simple white guy from the midwest, but over the disappointment of another lost possibility of finding love - that's exactly what I did. I moved on. Final vote, obviously: bud.
Strike two: I went on a first date with Foody McGradSchool on Saturday afternoon. I was not feeling nearly the connection with Foody that I did with Whitey, but who am I to turn down a free meal, right? I broke my first date rule and agreed to let him pick me up because he was driving all the way down to Sunnyvale from San Bruno. I found this guy interesting because he had a very positive outlook on life and he seemed to be really spiritually centered. I find that attractive, as long as it isn't too in-your-face. When this guy picked me up, I'll admit that he definitely looked like he did in his profile pictures, except for the fact that he was probably 100 times skinnier. I have actually never seen a skinnier man in my life. He was a beanpole. When he turned sideways, he disappeared. I felt like a giant beast next to this guy.
Other than his lack of body fat, I found him to be attractive and genuinely nice. We drove to a local Mexican restaurant. He had a white Acura with Dr. Dre playing on the stereo and it was at this moment that some things he had said in previous conversations ("I grew up in parts of Daly City and Vistacion Valley, near Hunter's Point," and "Growing up in the projects..." - btw, this is the whitest guy you've ever seen) caused me to realize that this guy is San Francisco's Slim Shady. He even had the ghetto driving swagger down, with the seat tilted back, extreme lean to the right, resting practically the entire right side of his body on the center console (which, btw, put his head about two inches from mine), and just one arm - his left one - draped loosely over the steering wheel. Man, this guy really IS from the projects, I thought. Oh, and did I mention that he was practically sagging his jeans all the way down to his thighs? I could not tell if he was going for the gangsta style or if he simply couldn't keep his pants up on his 25-inch waist.
At the restaurant, we enjoy a lovely meal and talk about many things, including how we are both really, really RIDICULOUSLY good at Words with Friends. So he asks me what my user name is and we have been playing since that afternoon (I am beating him). We even have a candid conversation about what it's like to be on match.com, dating multiple people at once, etc. I like how honest our conversation is. After lunch, he drives me back to my place, gives me a hug, and we say our goodbyes. Overall, no sparks, but a nice date. Final vote: bud.
Strike three: As you may recall, this weekend I was supposed to have Date #3 with Flaky McTallGuy. Well, guess what? Yep, that's right - he flaked. I had pretty much decided I was over him by midweek when I hadn't heard from him. Then, Wednesday night, he sent me a message. We texted back and forth for a bit until he finally asked, "What time on Saturday?" I told him anytime after 5pm. "I have plans at 7," he texts back. "What about Sunday?" Seriously!? Ugh, this is the flakiest guy I have ever met! I agreed to Sunday even though I was thinking, "You are a loser and I am done with you." A couple of days go by until he texts, then calls me at approximately 11:30pm on Saturday night. I had just arrived home from my date with Whitey. He shoots the shit for a bit until I start yawning. Sorry dude, but I am exhausted and have to get up hella early for Saturday morning triathlon practice. He tells me he has some ideas for what we'll do on Sunday and that he'll call to finalize plans. "Ok, sounds good. Good night."
Flaky seems to know when I am on a date with another guy because that always seems to be the time he calls or texts. So just as my date with Foody is ending on Saturday afternoon, I get a call from Flaky. I don't answer, of course, but listen to the voicemail when I get home." I am not surprised by what it says: "Hi Natalie... I've been thinking about things for a couple of days now and I feel like there's sort of a friend vibe coming down and I don't know if it's just bad timing for me or what, but I think you're a great girl and blah blah blah..." And then, at the end of the message, he says, "So let me know your thoughts." REALLY!? What, like I'm going to call you back and say, "NO! There's no friend vibe! You must take me out on Sunday!?" Whatever dude. I texted him back to say, "I agree" and told him to have a good life. But what I really wanted to say was: 1) grow a pair and don't leave something like that on a voicemail; 2) I think you might be gay (for real, I need to figure out how to post a snippet of a voicemail); and 3) learn how to manage your schedule so you aren't so flaky, you bonehead. But I decided to be nice. This time. he did text me back saying, "You are smart, funny, and have a lot going for you. Take care." Barf. Final vote: bud.
So now you might be thinking - well, three strikes and you're out, right? That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. For a second, I was totally down in the dumps. I wanted to give up on dating, give up on men altogether. BUT THEN... Blondie McSmartyPants gave me some good advice. After showing me an excerpt from a book she's planning to read (My Half Orange by Amy Spencer, which I will be reading as well), she decided that our problem is not that we can't find the men of our dreams, but that we're not putting all of our effort into attracting them. And she's right. I've got to focus on what I really want and use the power of optismism to attract Mr. Right. It WILL happen, I just know it.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Mediocrity at it's finest
So, as Teachy McTallGirl explained, I recently joined match.com. What prompted this?? Well, I had been on match a few months back and met someone and suprisingly it didn't work out. I took a break from match for close to two months and when the calendar struck 2011, I decided to give it another go (plus, we decided to do this blog and I just HAD to participate).
For my first entry I figured I'd tell you a bit about the dude who brought me to this point. We're going to call him TallGuy McUnderBite.
It all began with a "wink". I had been inactive on my match account for a few months when TallGuy McUnderBite sent me a "wink". He was a big guy, 6'5, with dark hair - totally my style. I debated whether or not to reactive my account and eventually decide (with the prodding of friends) that it was worth a shot. I emailed him a few days later and the "relationship" went from there. A few emails (he seemed really normal - went to baseball games, saw his family, went to a movie, etc.), a few texts (NEVER a phone call), and a bunch of dates. My first impression of him was that he was good looking, funny in a sorta nerdy way, and nice. I wasn't overly in love, but besides his under bite, nothing was "wrong". We started going on dates about twice a week and he was always a gentleman, opened car doors (good job, buddy!), paid, etc.
I'm a pretty "go with the flow" type of a girl, so when all of our dates involved burgers and fries, I didn't particularly mind. Remember - I was never wowed, but things were always fine. I think my friends would tell you that I was starting to like him, but I was always a bit reserved because it never felt quite right. After about one month of "dating" I had a whirlwind 5 weeks lined up. I went out of town for work or fun (wedding in San Francisco, Houston for work, girls trip to Arizona, Thanksgiving at home, and Berkeley for business) for 3-4 days a week for five weeks straight. When a man can't make a phone call, it makes it hard to keep in touch during this much traveling. After week 3 of going away, I decided to have an in-person "talk" with him to see how he thought our "relationship" was going. We were sitting on the couch together, just beginning to make-out, when I pulled back and said something along the lines of, "I know I've been out of town a lot, so I wanted to ask you how you feel about it? How do you feel all of this is going?" He immediately pulled away from me in shock and blurted out "FINE." Well, clearly things were NOT FINE because that was the last time I ever heard from him. Hahaha. Seriously. Two months of dating, plans to hang-out the following week after my trip to Arizona, and to this day (2 months later), I've never heard a word. I hope no one is feeling too badly for me though, cause clearly I never reached out to him either. Didn't miss him at all and decided to take that as a sign we weren't meant to be. And as my favorite Jay-Z once said, "I'm onto the next one"...
Although TallGuy McUnderBite and I didn't workout, it did prove that it is possible to meet some good people on match and that's why I wanted to give it a second (that's a lie, this is my third) try. I've got a few emails out in the match world and hopefully some smart, funny, nice, tall guys will respond. You know once they do, you'll be the first to hear...
Oh and P.S. TallGuy McUnderBite and I are friends on facebook (not sure how much longer that'll last) and I've discovered that he has an abnormally large (pun intended) number of friendships with plus sized women. I'm not a small lady, and I'd say these women would make me look like Kate Moss. I guess I'm happy to say that I didn't fulfill his fetish needs for a large large lady. Yikes.
Final Vote: Dud.
For my first entry I figured I'd tell you a bit about the dude who brought me to this point. We're going to call him TallGuy McUnderBite.
It all began with a "wink". I had been inactive on my match account for a few months when TallGuy McUnderBite sent me a "wink". He was a big guy, 6'5, with dark hair - totally my style. I debated whether or not to reactive my account and eventually decide (with the prodding of friends) that it was worth a shot. I emailed him a few days later and the "relationship" went from there. A few emails (he seemed really normal - went to baseball games, saw his family, went to a movie, etc.), a few texts (NEVER a phone call), and a bunch of dates. My first impression of him was that he was good looking, funny in a sorta nerdy way, and nice. I wasn't overly in love, but besides his under bite, nothing was "wrong". We started going on dates about twice a week and he was always a gentleman, opened car doors (good job, buddy!), paid, etc.
I'm a pretty "go with the flow" type of a girl, so when all of our dates involved burgers and fries, I didn't particularly mind. Remember - I was never wowed, but things were always fine. I think my friends would tell you that I was starting to like him, but I was always a bit reserved because it never felt quite right. After about one month of "dating" I had a whirlwind 5 weeks lined up. I went out of town for work or fun (wedding in San Francisco, Houston for work, girls trip to Arizona, Thanksgiving at home, and Berkeley for business) for 3-4 days a week for five weeks straight. When a man can't make a phone call, it makes it hard to keep in touch during this much traveling. After week 3 of going away, I decided to have an in-person "talk" with him to see how he thought our "relationship" was going. We were sitting on the couch together, just beginning to make-out, when I pulled back and said something along the lines of, "I know I've been out of town a lot, so I wanted to ask you how you feel about it? How do you feel all of this is going?" He immediately pulled away from me in shock and blurted out "FINE." Well, clearly things were NOT FINE because that was the last time I ever heard from him. Hahaha. Seriously. Two months of dating, plans to hang-out the following week after my trip to Arizona, and to this day (2 months later), I've never heard a word. I hope no one is feeling too badly for me though, cause clearly I never reached out to him either. Didn't miss him at all and decided to take that as a sign we weren't meant to be. And as my favorite Jay-Z once said, "I'm onto the next one"...
Although TallGuy McUnderBite and I didn't workout, it did prove that it is possible to meet some good people on match and that's why I wanted to give it a second (that's a lie, this is my third) try. I've got a few emails out in the match world and hopefully some smart, funny, nice, tall guys will respond. You know once they do, you'll be the first to hear...
Oh and P.S. TallGuy McUnderBite and I are friends on facebook (not sure how much longer that'll last) and I've discovered that he has an abnormally large (pun intended) number of friendships with plus sized women. I'm not a small lady, and I'd say these women would make me look like Kate Moss. I guess I'm happy to say that I didn't fulfill his fetish needs for a large large lady. Yikes.
Final Vote: Dud.
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