"Would you like to see some of the products my company offers?"

Oh geez. I don't even have the words to describe last night's date. Awkward. Uncomfortable. LONG. Boring. Painful. But those really just don't even say enough. So, here's how it went down. It was a first (and only) date with Geeky McEatsSlow. This guy was previously nicknamed something else in an earlier post, but last night's date warranted a nickname change. Here are the things I learned about Geeky from our date last night:

1) He does not have a car and travels everywhere by bus (although he does live in the City, so this is acceptable).
2) He is 32 years old (two years older than I am) and graduated HS in 1998 (the same year that I did). This means he was 20 years old when he graduated HS.
3) His parents held him back from school for two years because he was a "special needs" child and they did not believe he was ready for school. Hence the late graduation date above.
4) Despite his special needs, he is much more confident now. Oh good.
5) He eats slower than any human being on the planet. The waitress came to take his plate about 16 times and each time he was "still working on it." Finally, he finished, and after prompting from me to request the check, he asked to take the bread to go.
6) He likes to talk. A LOT! What about, you ask? I have no clue because I tuned him out after the story about something really funny that happened to him in 7th grade, that he was sure I was going to get a kick out of. I did not.
7) He works for a company that makes dog products (like leashes and toys). He thought I would be interested in this because my roommate has a dog. So near the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to see some of the products that his company makes. Ummm... ok, sure. He busted out his Blackberry and had me scroll through pictures of leashes and dog Snuggies. Wow. No words.
8) When he ordered his wine, he pronounced "Syrah" as see-ree-uh. The waitress corrected him.

Need I write more? The date lasted soooooooooooooooo uncomfortably long because he continued to talk (and not eat) and then continued to eat (and not ask for the check). It was painful, people. PAIN-FUL!

Do I honestly have to rate this dude? Dud to the max.

he thinks he's a stud, but...

So tonight I have date #2 with Funny McJokester. Date #1: coffee at Starbucks followed by a jaunt through Borders. We had fun browsing the books and I bought a Ghost Hunters book that he recommended. I am super obsessed with those paranormal shows, like Ghost Hunters, and this is a book written by the two guys who started the T.A.P.S. (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) team, so it was a great recommendation.

There are some really great things about him. He's super funny, we have great rapport, and I feel oddly comfortable around him, like I've known him for a long time. However, he's dancing on an extremely thin line between stud and bud and there's really only one reason for that. He is too into me.

I know that I should be happy to have a dude who really likes me and who is very vocal about his feelings for me, but I have some issues with dudes who are into me after only two dates. 1) we don't know each other. 2) there is no challenge. I don't have to get him to like me. He already does. That is SOO boring!

So I am doing my best to go on this date with an open mind. I want him to be a stud. But my current vote is: Bud. We shall see...

So many duds, so little studs

I've been match.coming for about a month now, so I have a list of duds to write about. I am crossing my fingers that some studs will appear, but it's not looking so hopeful...

So the first date I went on was with BoringMcAfrican. Straight up, this guy was a DUD. We met at Starbucks and I yawned at least three times. While maybe it's because this date took place over a month ago, I simply cannot think of a single thing he said. No, I take that back! I do remember that he was from some unpronounceable country in Africa. He was good looking enough, but I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down - and I was drinking caffeinated coffee! I bounced out of there ASAP (I said I had somewhere to be at 7pm) and I even managed to convince him NOT to walk me to my car. The best part: he emailed me a couple of days later and said, "I am not sure if we are a good match." REALLY? So I emailed him back and said, "I agree. You were way too boring for me." He never wrote back. Final vote: Dud

Next was Stalky McLuver. I really liked him at first. We met at a Vietnamese restaurant for Pho and had good conversation. There were two issues, though. 1) whenever I made jokes, he seemed to be laughing at me rather than with me. I felt a little bit like a circus freak or the court jester, like my soul purpose in his life was to entertain him and make him laugh. "Silly girl, do it again!" 2) He did not pay for dinner. When the bill came, it sat there for a while until I awkwardly said, "Should we split it?" "Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," he said. I begrudgingly pulled out my Visa card. So much for a free meal.

Things got really awkward on our second date. I decided to give him a second chance, despite the above-mentioned problems. So for date #2, we went to a wine bar on a rainy night and shared a bottle of wine. After about ten minutes, he inched as close to me as possible and then picked up my hand to hold it. Romantic? Maybe it should have been. But it was not. He continuously touched me, rubbed my legs, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, back. It was creepy. After the date (I had to cut it short because I was dog-sitting and needed to walk the dog), as he walked me to my car, he stopped me near a parking garage and kissed me with way-too-intense passion. I pulled away and told him I had to go. He pulled me closer. So I had no choice but to tug him in the direction of my car. Awkward goodbye kiss.

Even though my vajajay was telling me he was not the guy for me, I decided to give him one more chance. I figured if he liked me that much, I should try to like him back. Big mistake. Huge. So there was one major issue that was really bothering me about him, other than the fact that he practically molested me on our wine date. Every text message he sent me started or ended with "luv". "Hey luv, hope you're having a fantastic day." "Don't worry, luv, you can call me later." "Thanks, luv." Is it a term of endearment? Sure. Should he already have one for me after knowing me for two weeks? I don't think so.

So the next time I see him it's Christmas Eve. I told him I had to literally "squeeze him in" if he wanted to see me. He didn't seem to mind. We met for coffee at a Starbucks in my 'hood, next to the Borders where I was thinking of doing some Christmas shopping. I bought my own coffee cuz he was late. I was hoping he wouldn't show up. He showed up. Ugh. After I finished my coffee (he didn't get any. He prefered to just sit next to me and stare into my enticingly beautiful brown eyes), he suggested we walk around the complex. So we took a stroll around the complex, which included a grassy area that led to some apartments. I told him we had ten minutes to walk because I needed to get going on my Christmas shopping. When we got to the grassy area, he pulled me aside for another aggressive kiss. I knew right then that I wasn't into him. I pulled away and told him I had to go and squirmed my way to my car, but not before he stopped me, looked into my eyes and said, "I'm falling for you." WHAT!? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I said nothing. He also said, "I'm going to miss you." (he was leaving for Houston a couple of days later), "are you going to miss me?" "Suuuuure," I said. Then I got in my car and drove away.

I knew I had to reject him, but I felt bad. So after a couple of days, I sent him a message telling him that while I think he's great, I just don't think he's the one for me. Luckily, he took it well and I have not received a text message with the word "luv" in it ever since. Except from Franny. Final vote: Bud

I'll end this post with one more date: Flaky McTallGuy. I really had high hopes for Flaky. He was tall, smart, funny (he laughed with me and not at me), well-educated (went to Dartmouth), and even a little dorky, which is perfect for me. He had lived in a LA for a while and worked as a reality TV blog writer, which I thought was super cool. He was definitely a man after my own heart. Our date took place about a week before Christmas. We ate Sushi, had great conversation, and he PAID. Yes! Finally a free meal! And he walked me to my car afterwards. He asked me if I had a good time and if I wanted to do it again. I said, "Yes!" He said he would call me and gave me the tiniest little kiss on the lips. I knew he was leaving for New York a couple of days later, so I didn't expect a second date to happen before he left. But he did call and text me a few times, which made me think that he was still interested. Am I wrong to assume that?

He left for New York and texted me throughout the holiday - sent me a picture of his parents' house covered in snow, texted me updates about his return date (he was delayed two days because of airport closures), etc. But when he returned, he scheduled two "potential" dates with me, then canceled both times, claiming he was tired or busy. On New Year's Eve he sent me this text: "Sorry I have been no fun lately! Hope you have a great night tonight." Ummmm, ok, what does that mean? I haven't heard from him since. I am bummed because I thought he was a good match for me. But I guess maybe to him I was just a bud? Oh well, on to the next! Final vote: Bud