Over the weekend, while spending some much-needed Q time with three of my BFFs (otherwise known as my Tau Nu Tau sorority sisters), I received - out of nowhere - the most insulting match.com message to hit my inbox yet.
The message, which I will paste below momentarily (along with my icy response), comes from a 39-year-old lawyer living in Walnut Creek. Not bad-looking, but clearly a total douche. We will call him HeadInHisAss McGuaranteedToBeSingleForever.
We all know that I have a way with words and when I am insulted, I will turn around and beat the offender with a sentence so hard, they'll never want to read again. Well, ladies and gents, that is exactly what I did. In fact, I may have very well hospitalized him with my words... that perfect grammar and ice-cold tone...
Yep, this incident is definitely worthy of a blog revival. So here you go. Who knows... maybe there is more where this came from?
Here is HeadInHisAss's email:
what i don't understand is how ur so educated and ur a teacher, but u will date someone w/o a college degree when there r thousands w/it - to me it shows that education isn't really a priority.
And my response:
What I don't understand is how someone so educated can be so judgemental. To begin, you don't know me at all so to make such a bold judgement about my personal values is not only unfair, but incredibly insulting. Second, the fact that you find college to be the only form of education tells me that you are way more ignorant than the guy I am currenlty dating who did not graduate from college (and probably makes more money than you). Third, as an educator, it is important to me to make sure that my students end up in careers that are suited for their likes and needs. An educated man should know that college isn't for everyone and that there are numerous opportunities - in trade school and the military, for example - that are better suited for a large portion of the population than college. The value of doing what you love is what I am trying to teach my students. Clearly, the values of being judgemental, forcing your opinions on other people, and extreme ignorance are what you're trying to pass on to future generations. Thank God you're not an educator.
Final Vote: Asshole
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Match.com Vocabulary Lesson
Boy, did I get a special match.com email today. People never cease to amaze me. Just when I thought I've seen just about every weird email possible, I was shown up today BIG TIME by an email from Freaky McFreakster. Honestly, I cannot come up with any other name for him because I don't know anything about him and his email was completely unsolicited and bizarre. Without further ado, the email reads like this:
Subject line: God is faithful
The Lord will surely honor your consecration.
I hope you meet a special man who shares your interests and values, and someone who is as well-rounded, balanced, and tall as you.
You know you're a quality person, and you deserve a great guy.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, this is so good. I mean, where to even start???
#1 Thanks for reassuring me God is faithful. Not something I was terribly concerned about. And definitely not information I was seeking on match.
#2 What does "consecration" even mean?
#3 The first thing I thought of was "consummate".
#4 I was totally wrong. Banging has nothing to do with it.
#5 Consecration actually means, "is an act by which a thing is separated from a common and profane to a sacred use, or by which a person or thing is dedicated to the service and worship of God by prayers, rites, and ceremonies." For the record, I'm still unsure of what his sentence was getting at.
#6 He hopes I find someone as tall as I am???? Thanks? And how does height relate to being well-rounded and balanced?
#7 He knows, that I know, that I'm a quality person? That's awfully insightful for someone I've never emailed, called, texted, or chatted.
#8 Was he hoping this email would prompt a response from me? I only read statements.
#9 My profile is not religious AT ALL. It asks for religion where I have listed "Christian/Protestant" and in the more details section I say that I'm a believer and appreciate those who have a faith. Does that sound like someone who is consecrating??? Again, not really sure on what that actually means.
#10 Final Vote: This guy is a TOTAL FREAK.
On a few other notes, 6 weeks after meeting Kiwi McWorldy, we are FINALLY going on our FIRST date on Friday. Woohoo! He wasn't kidding when he told me he works crazy hours and travels a lot. Last weekend was his first time back in the US in 5 weeks, when originally he only thought he'd be gone for 2. (My main concern about him being gone so long...how did he pack? How did he have enough clothes?) I was in Florida last weekend so we missed each other again, but finally I think we have everything lined up for Friday. Since he's been gone we've talked on the phone multiple times and texted too, so I'm pretty excited and hoping it goes well on Friday!
I have also hung-out twice with DancingMachine MeTeddyBear. I've got nothing bad to say about him (actually, I take that back, he hates the Lakers - major strike!), he's nice, smart, good looking, has a job, tall, close with his family, but for some reason I'm just not digging it. I'm pretty sure it's because I have Kiwi McWorldy in the back, make that the front, of my mind, and this girl was not meant to be a playa! I can't make a final vote quite yet, but definitely looking more like a bud.
Subject line: God is faithful
The Lord will surely honor your consecration.
I hope you meet a special man who shares your interests and values, and someone who is as well-rounded, balanced, and tall as you.
You know you're a quality person, and you deserve a great guy.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, this is so good. I mean, where to even start???
#1 Thanks for reassuring me God is faithful. Not something I was terribly concerned about. And definitely not information I was seeking on match.
#2 What does "consecration" even mean?
#3 The first thing I thought of was "consummate".
#4 I was totally wrong. Banging has nothing to do with it.
#5 Consecration actually means, "is an act by which a thing is separated from a common and profane to a sacred use, or by which a person or thing is dedicated to the service and worship of God by prayers, rites, and ceremonies." For the record, I'm still unsure of what his sentence was getting at.
#6 He hopes I find someone as tall as I am???? Thanks? And how does height relate to being well-rounded and balanced?
#7 He knows, that I know, that I'm a quality person? That's awfully insightful for someone I've never emailed, called, texted, or chatted.
#8 Was he hoping this email would prompt a response from me? I only read statements.
#9 My profile is not religious AT ALL. It asks for religion where I have listed "Christian/Protestant" and in the more details section I say that I'm a believer and appreciate those who have a faith. Does that sound like someone who is consecrating??? Again, not really sure on what that actually means.
#10 Final Vote: This guy is a TOTAL FREAK.
On a few other notes, 6 weeks after meeting Kiwi McWorldy, we are FINALLY going on our FIRST date on Friday. Woohoo! He wasn't kidding when he told me he works crazy hours and travels a lot. Last weekend was his first time back in the US in 5 weeks, when originally he only thought he'd be gone for 2. (My main concern about him being gone so long...how did he pack? How did he have enough clothes?) I was in Florida last weekend so we missed each other again, but finally I think we have everything lined up for Friday. Since he's been gone we've talked on the phone multiple times and texted too, so I'm pretty excited and hoping it goes well on Friday!
I have also hung-out twice with DancingMachine MeTeddyBear. I've got nothing bad to say about him (actually, I take that back, he hates the Lakers - major strike!), he's nice, smart, good looking, has a job, tall, close with his family, but for some reason I'm just not digging it. I'm pretty sure it's because I have Kiwi McWorldy in the back, make that the front, of my mind, and this girl was not meant to be a playa! I can't make a final vote quite yet, but definitely looking more like a bud.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
acute onlinedatingitus: cured!
I'm baaaaaack! That's right, fellow followers, I am officially back from my dating sabatical. There have been a few things that have happened since I last blogged, but I wanted to wait until I was fully rested and recovered from the acute onlinedatingitus that I was suffering from before I posted again. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed the stories that Blondie and HeyTallGirl provided. I was laughing so hard that I was crying (thank God for water proof mascara) while reading HeyTallGirl's most recent post.
So let me just dive right in with the first, incredibly ridiculous story. This happened about three weeks ago - probably the day after I went on hiatus from match.com. It was about 5:30 and I had just left work. I needed to run into Safeway to grab some ingredients for the amazing cheese-lover's mac-n-cheese I was making for my work potluck the next day (it was a HUGE hit, btw), so I stopped at the new Safeway, which is conveniently on my way home from work. This Safeway is freaking awesome. It is gigantic. I have gotten lost in there multiple times.
So on my way to the Safeway, I get a phone call from my good friend, Putzy McPopular. I haven't talked to her in a while, so we're catching up. I, being the law-abiding citizen that I am, am using my earpiece so that I can be hands-free while driving. I pull into the Safeway parking lot and decide to do something I never do... continue my conversation with my earpiece in while shopping. Seriously, I never do this because I think people who talk hands-free while shopping look like idiots. But I decided to do it anyway because Putzy always keeps me thoroughly entertained and who cares if I look like an idiot? I apologize, Oprah.
Anyway, so I run around the store grabbing my ingredients and then head into the self-checkout line. I am fully engaged in my conversation with Putzy when I hear my name called out from afar. I turn slightly to my left, where the sound is coming from, and sure enough, someone did say my name. Holy shitballs, you have got to be kidding me. It's my worst nightmare... again. It is Winky McWhatGives. He starts toward me with the biggest smile on his face. As he is approaching me, I hear him say, "Oh, wow!" (as in, "Can you believe this amazingly wonderful coincidence that has - once again - clearly been a pure act of divine intervention?") I want to throw up. Putzy is still talking, by the way. I have no idea what she is saying and I have no idea what to do about Winky, who is, by this point, gaining on me. I am freaking out, so I do the first thing that comes to my mind. I turn back around so that my earpiece is clearly visible to him. And then I point to it. I see him open his mouth like he wants to say something, but I just continue my conversation with Putzy as if he's not there. I say something like, "Oh, really?" Then, "Hahahaha. That's funny." I sideways glance at Winky and he is slowly passing in front of my, his head hung down in shame.
Let me tell you people... dodged a bullet! A big, shiny FREAK of a bullet! Why do I have to run into this guy everywhere I go? It is not fate! It is the universe playing a cruel trick on me! Let's consider, then, the moral of this story: always wear an earpiece when shopping alone. It will save you from potential awkward conversations with people you have zero interest in talking to, such as dudes whose phone calls you ignored, acquaintances from high school, or an old boss (all people that I have had awkward conversations with in public places in the past).
And now, my dear readers, onto the good stuff! After having not logged on for three weeks, I took a page from Blondie's book and I revamped my match.com profile last week. Instantly, I began to receive positive feedback. Lots of winks and emails. I have even already gone on a date! On Tuesday I met MidTwenties McHatesToHug for Chinese food at a restaurant near my house. Kudos to him for picking something in my town, even though he lives and works farther north. The night I revamped my profile, this guy "chatted" me via match.com's sophisticated instant messaging system. I have never chatted on match before (except for that one time when I was filling in for Putzy the night we set her profile up. Let me tell you - it's much more fun chatting when you're pretending to be someone else). I was literally about to sign off and go to bed when MidTwenties sent me a chat. I checked out his profile and it turns out he's actually pretty good looking, so I thought, Oh what the hell and chatted him back.
We pinged each other back and forth for a few minutes and then I told him that I had to get to bed. Before I logged off, though, he insisted (and I mean INSISTED) that I watch the music video (he IMed me the link) for the new Pitbull song. "I am obsessed with it," he typed. "I can't stop listening to it on repeat." Finally, I obliged.
"OK, I listened," I typed back.
"Isn't it amazing?" he wrote.
"Yeah, it's great!" But to be truthful, I had no opinion about the song whatsoever. Right now, if it's not country, I'm not interested. But I didn't want to hurt his young little feelers. Turns out, my approval of the song was a BIG DEAL. We said good night and the next day I received an email from him asking me out to dinner!
And that brings us to the date. Just before I left for the date, I decided to read through his profile again. Afterall, I want to make sure I don't ask him questions that can easily be answered just by reading his profile. As I was reading, I sent the following text message to Blondie: "Reviewing my date's profile. I have a feeling this is going to be a 'for the sake of the blog' kinda night!" But as it turns out, I was wrong! While the date was not super exciting - it was actually kind of awkward (when I hugged him goodbye, for example, it felt as if he was afraid to touch me. He did the awkward lean and pat, which is what I do when a student tries to hug me) - there were some positives to the date. He was just as cute in person, he was a gentleman and paid for the meal, I was able to express my love for Oprah and he did not freak out, and he asked me out on a second date! I actually wasn't sure if he was going to ask me out or not because when we parted ways outside the restaurant, all he said was, "I had fun!" Ummmm ok...
But, alas, two days later, he sent me a text message asking me out again and then signed off his message with, "It is nice to have something to look forward to on Monday!" Maybe I will just have to ease him into the hugs. Final vote: bud with stud potential
So, I am back on the match.com bandwagon and it feels good. I have a fresh new attitude, I don't feel burnt out or stressed, and I am ready to hit the ground running. I have a date with SportsNut McWineGuy (definite potential here - he seems normal, sweet, athletic, and fun) on Sunday and a couple of other dates in the works - one with Comedian McSanFrancisco (Blondie said, "I think he'll probably annoy you." This is probably true, but what the hell) and another with KindaAverage McOverCommunicator.
Here's a qiuck summary of McOverCommunicator's communications since Saturday, when he first winked at me. This will be a nice preview for you of - Lord help me - what's to come:
1) wink
2) email saying that my profile was the first one that he read and immediately said "Wow"
3) another email: "How's your Sunday going?"
4) phone call
5) a second phone call immediately following
6) an email saying he called (twice)
7) a text message asking why i didn't call back
8) a four-text message explaining that he isn't a stalker, he likes people (that's why he's a social worker), he really likes me (my profile made him smile), and that he hopes I will give him a chance.
Oh, boy. Current Vote: Stalkerazzi
So let me just dive right in with the first, incredibly ridiculous story. This happened about three weeks ago - probably the day after I went on hiatus from match.com. It was about 5:30 and I had just left work. I needed to run into Safeway to grab some ingredients for the amazing cheese-lover's mac-n-cheese I was making for my work potluck the next day (it was a HUGE hit, btw), so I stopped at the new Safeway, which is conveniently on my way home from work. This Safeway is freaking awesome. It is gigantic. I have gotten lost in there multiple times.
So on my way to the Safeway, I get a phone call from my good friend, Putzy McPopular. I haven't talked to her in a while, so we're catching up. I, being the law-abiding citizen that I am, am using my earpiece so that I can be hands-free while driving. I pull into the Safeway parking lot and decide to do something I never do... continue my conversation with my earpiece in while shopping. Seriously, I never do this because I think people who talk hands-free while shopping look like idiots. But I decided to do it anyway because Putzy always keeps me thoroughly entertained and who cares if I look like an idiot? I apologize, Oprah.
Anyway, so I run around the store grabbing my ingredients and then head into the self-checkout line. I am fully engaged in my conversation with Putzy when I hear my name called out from afar. I turn slightly to my left, where the sound is coming from, and sure enough, someone did say my name. Holy shitballs, you have got to be kidding me. It's my worst nightmare... again. It is Winky McWhatGives. He starts toward me with the biggest smile on his face. As he is approaching me, I hear him say, "Oh, wow!" (as in, "Can you believe this amazingly wonderful coincidence that has - once again - clearly been a pure act of divine intervention?") I want to throw up. Putzy is still talking, by the way. I have no idea what she is saying and I have no idea what to do about Winky, who is, by this point, gaining on me. I am freaking out, so I do the first thing that comes to my mind. I turn back around so that my earpiece is clearly visible to him. And then I point to it. I see him open his mouth like he wants to say something, but I just continue my conversation with Putzy as if he's not there. I say something like, "Oh, really?" Then, "Hahahaha. That's funny." I sideways glance at Winky and he is slowly passing in front of my, his head hung down in shame.
Let me tell you people... dodged a bullet! A big, shiny FREAK of a bullet! Why do I have to run into this guy everywhere I go? It is not fate! It is the universe playing a cruel trick on me! Let's consider, then, the moral of this story: always wear an earpiece when shopping alone. It will save you from potential awkward conversations with people you have zero interest in talking to, such as dudes whose phone calls you ignored, acquaintances from high school, or an old boss (all people that I have had awkward conversations with in public places in the past).
And now, my dear readers, onto the good stuff! After having not logged on for three weeks, I took a page from Blondie's book and I revamped my match.com profile last week. Instantly, I began to receive positive feedback. Lots of winks and emails. I have even already gone on a date! On Tuesday I met MidTwenties McHatesToHug for Chinese food at a restaurant near my house. Kudos to him for picking something in my town, even though he lives and works farther north. The night I revamped my profile, this guy "chatted" me via match.com's sophisticated instant messaging system. I have never chatted on match before (except for that one time when I was filling in for Putzy the night we set her profile up. Let me tell you - it's much more fun chatting when you're pretending to be someone else). I was literally about to sign off and go to bed when MidTwenties sent me a chat. I checked out his profile and it turns out he's actually pretty good looking, so I thought, Oh what the hell and chatted him back.
We pinged each other back and forth for a few minutes and then I told him that I had to get to bed. Before I logged off, though, he insisted (and I mean INSISTED) that I watch the music video (he IMed me the link) for the new Pitbull song. "I am obsessed with it," he typed. "I can't stop listening to it on repeat." Finally, I obliged.
"OK, I listened," I typed back.
"Isn't it amazing?" he wrote.
"Yeah, it's great!" But to be truthful, I had no opinion about the song whatsoever. Right now, if it's not country, I'm not interested. But I didn't want to hurt his young little feelers. Turns out, my approval of the song was a BIG DEAL. We said good night and the next day I received an email from him asking me out to dinner!
And that brings us to the date. Just before I left for the date, I decided to read through his profile again. Afterall, I want to make sure I don't ask him questions that can easily be answered just by reading his profile. As I was reading, I sent the following text message to Blondie: "Reviewing my date's profile. I have a feeling this is going to be a 'for the sake of the blog' kinda night!" But as it turns out, I was wrong! While the date was not super exciting - it was actually kind of awkward (when I hugged him goodbye, for example, it felt as if he was afraid to touch me. He did the awkward lean and pat, which is what I do when a student tries to hug me) - there were some positives to the date. He was just as cute in person, he was a gentleman and paid for the meal, I was able to express my love for Oprah and he did not freak out, and he asked me out on a second date! I actually wasn't sure if he was going to ask me out or not because when we parted ways outside the restaurant, all he said was, "I had fun!" Ummmm ok...
But, alas, two days later, he sent me a text message asking me out again and then signed off his message with, "It is nice to have something to look forward to on Monday!" Maybe I will just have to ease him into the hugs. Final vote: bud with stud potential
So, I am back on the match.com bandwagon and it feels good. I have a fresh new attitude, I don't feel burnt out or stressed, and I am ready to hit the ground running. I have a date with SportsNut McWineGuy (definite potential here - he seems normal, sweet, athletic, and fun) on Sunday and a couple of other dates in the works - one with Comedian McSanFrancisco (Blondie said, "I think he'll probably annoy you." This is probably true, but what the hell) and another with KindaAverage McOverCommunicator.
Here's a qiuck summary of McOverCommunicator's communications since Saturday, when he first winked at me. This will be a nice preview for you of - Lord help me - what's to come:
1) wink
2) email saying that my profile was the first one that he read and immediately said "Wow"
3) another email: "How's your Sunday going?"
4) phone call
5) a second phone call immediately following
6) an email saying he called (twice)
7) a text message asking why i didn't call back
8) a four-text message explaining that he isn't a stalker, he likes people (that's why he's a social worker), he really likes me (my profile made him smile), and that he hopes I will give him a chance.
Oh, boy. Current Vote: Stalkerazzi
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
When It Rains, It Pours
As the saying goes, “When it rains, it pours.” I am currently, and somewhat miraculously, in a man-pouring state of life. As a person who typically lives in a more or less perpetual state of man-drought, I hardly know what to make of this situation I’m finding myself in. It all started about 3 weeks ago when I was out in Santa Monica with a bunch of my best girl-friends…
The first man of interest is Kiwi McWordly. On a Saturday night a few weeks ago, my girl-friends and I did a big night out in Santa Monica. We met at a friend’s house for some appetizers (where the host tried to serve us Kraft Singles) and cocktails and then headed out to dinner. While waiting for our table, we had a drink in the bar where we saw spotted Kerr Smith, a.k.a. Jack McPhee of Dawson’s Creek. What a great a star sighting! After dinner and drinks we then headed to a few different bars. We finally ended up at a fancy-schmancy hotel bar, where I felt WAY out of place (I live at the beach and typically go out to the bars in my flip-flops).
I was standing at the bar with two of my friends when a man, Kiwi McWordly, asked if he could take our place at the bar once we got our drinks. I, of course, said “sure” and happily began to move out of the way with my Vodka Soda in hand, when Kiwi McWordly stopped me and said in a wonderful New Zealand accent, “Will you actually stay a moment?”. Why yes man with an accent, I will. The two of us ended up chatting for quite a while, although I couldn’t give you a real time frame because this conversation took place post at least six cocktails. Things I do remember about the convo: he’s from New Zealand (not Australia – oops, totally made that mistake), went to college in Southern California, has lived in several other countries, and travels at least 4 days a week for work. He actually asked me if that was ok with me?? Sure dude, I’ve known you for about 5 minutes (or 40, again, memory is a bit fuzzy), so I really don’t mind what you do during the week. He asked me for my number and ended up texting me a little bit later that night, but I honestly thought that I would never hear from him again.
Much to my surprise, on Monday night I get a text message from him, saying “Hi and it was so nice meeting you” from Toronto. Wow! I thought I was fancy being at the Angels baseball game. Fast forward two more days and we text a few more times and these texts included him, 1. Asking me on a date in about 1 ½ weeks when he was finally back in the United States and 2. Asking if he could call me sometime. I about died. He asked if he could call? Girls, have you ever heard of such a thing? I swear, he’s so nice because he’s foreign.
We have talked on the phone twice now and have exchanged a few more texts. Unfortunately his worldly travels (he’s recently been in a few cities in Canada, Vienna, and Poland) have kept him away and we had to postpone our date that was supposed to be last weekend. I believe he is flying home on Thursday, so hopefully a make-up date can take place this weekend. Fingers crossed! Current vote: Stud.
Meanwhile…
A week after meeting Kiwi McWordly, I flew to Colorado to celebrate my sister’s birthday! Had a wonderful time for a few days and then unfortunately had to head home and back to reality. As my HeyTallGirl McSportsBoo name suggests, I am a HUGE sports fan. My flight happened to be during the first game of the Lakers vs. Hornets NBA series. I’m sitting in the aisle seat on a Southwest flight, and this good looking guy is sitting in the window seat, with no one in the middle (for the time being). I have my blackberry out game tracking the Laker game, when I notice this guy is game tracking something too. Since we were flying back to SoCal, I took a chance and asked him, “You following the Laker game too?” He was (duh), and we chatted a tiny bit before a 12 year old girl came and sat between us.
(On a total aside tangent – if you are a family traveling with 3 children under the age of 12, you should NOT be the last people to board a Southwest flight.)
The flight was just over two hours and when we land in Orange County, and are able to turn on our phones, he hands me his blackberry to show me the final (awful) score. I ask the little girl if she’d like to get out before me so she could find her parents and sisters who were all in different aisles. She hops out so Flirty McSouthwest and I begin chatting again. We talk all the way off the plane and when it is time to go our separate ways I say, “Bye! Nice meeting you,” he says, “Actually, can I see you again some time? Would I be able to get your number?” Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! This is like every girl’s dream – to sit next to a hot guy on an airplane (and not a total freak) and then have him ask for her number. I was STOKED! Couldn’t believe my luck. Now, don’t get too excited (like I did), because this guy actually is an airplane freak disguised as a hot guy…
He texted me immediately, which was definitely a bit much for me. His texts also included comments like, “I wish you had slid over to the middle seat so we could have sat next to each other”. Well sir, that is completely unrealistic that I would EVER give up an aisle seat for a middle. And another said something like, “Aren’t you glad I waited for you to walk off the plane”. Actually buddy, since I was in the aisle, I walked off the plane ahead of you. Like Blondie said in her last entry, we try to make excuses and exceptions for guys, so I tried to talk myself into thinking these constant flirty texts weren’t that bad.
I didn’t hear from him for about a week, which thrilled me and actually convinced me that he may be more normal than I originally thought. Then Saturday rolls around and the freaky texts resume. Again, the texts turned a little too flirty calling me a “hot girl” and asking me to “come out” and meet him late night. Barf. This was all already too much for me but today was the absolute final kicker. I get a text message today, Monday, at about 1:00pm. The text reads, “Boring Monday…are you wearing something cute today that will cheer me up :)”. Nooooooooooooooooooo! And now my phone has vomit all over it. Are you kidding me??? Do girls like this? Does this work for him? Oh man, needless to say, that was my absolute final straw. I did not respond and never intended to again. Final Vote: Dud, Freak, Barf-Trigger.
Lastly…
On Saturday night I was out and about in Newport Beach with a bunch of friends and friends of friends. We were dancing around, drinking, having a great time, and I kinda had my eye on DancingMachine McTeddyBear. I find out from my friends that he is single and apparently one of them decides to tell him that I’m interested. We chat a little bit, dance around (he definitely showed me up, and everyone else in the bar), and then I was ready to call it a night. In our conversation we found out that we live in the same apartment complex so decide to share a cab ride home. I’ll spare you any details but we made-out a little bit and exchanged numbers. He actually asked me to “hang-out” tonight, but I declined because I had other stuff to do (watch the Sharks hockey game, write this blog, but most importantly I was already in my sweats for the night). I asked him if I could take a rain-check and I think we are hanging out on Wednesday. Current Vote: Potential Stud.
I honestly cannot believe I’ve handed out my number, and have been contacted, by three guys in three weeks. Not sure what vibe I’m giving off, but I’m sure glad that I am! Although Flirty McSouthwest has GOTS to go, I’m pretty optimistic about the other two gentleman. Fingers crossed that one of them pans out!
The first man of interest is Kiwi McWordly. On a Saturday night a few weeks ago, my girl-friends and I did a big night out in Santa Monica. We met at a friend’s house for some appetizers (where the host tried to serve us Kraft Singles) and cocktails and then headed out to dinner. While waiting for our table, we had a drink in the bar where we saw spotted Kerr Smith, a.k.a. Jack McPhee of Dawson’s Creek. What a great a star sighting! After dinner and drinks we then headed to a few different bars. We finally ended up at a fancy-schmancy hotel bar, where I felt WAY out of place (I live at the beach and typically go out to the bars in my flip-flops).
I was standing at the bar with two of my friends when a man, Kiwi McWordly, asked if he could take our place at the bar once we got our drinks. I, of course, said “sure” and happily began to move out of the way with my Vodka Soda in hand, when Kiwi McWordly stopped me and said in a wonderful New Zealand accent, “Will you actually stay a moment?”. Why yes man with an accent, I will. The two of us ended up chatting for quite a while, although I couldn’t give you a real time frame because this conversation took place post at least six cocktails. Things I do remember about the convo: he’s from New Zealand (not Australia – oops, totally made that mistake), went to college in Southern California, has lived in several other countries, and travels at least 4 days a week for work. He actually asked me if that was ok with me?? Sure dude, I’ve known you for about 5 minutes (or 40, again, memory is a bit fuzzy), so I really don’t mind what you do during the week. He asked me for my number and ended up texting me a little bit later that night, but I honestly thought that I would never hear from him again.
Much to my surprise, on Monday night I get a text message from him, saying “Hi and it was so nice meeting you” from Toronto. Wow! I thought I was fancy being at the Angels baseball game. Fast forward two more days and we text a few more times and these texts included him, 1. Asking me on a date in about 1 ½ weeks when he was finally back in the United States and 2. Asking if he could call me sometime. I about died. He asked if he could call? Girls, have you ever heard of such a thing? I swear, he’s so nice because he’s foreign.
We have talked on the phone twice now and have exchanged a few more texts. Unfortunately his worldly travels (he’s recently been in a few cities in Canada, Vienna, and Poland) have kept him away and we had to postpone our date that was supposed to be last weekend. I believe he is flying home on Thursday, so hopefully a make-up date can take place this weekend. Fingers crossed! Current vote: Stud.
Meanwhile…
A week after meeting Kiwi McWordly, I flew to Colorado to celebrate my sister’s birthday! Had a wonderful time for a few days and then unfortunately had to head home and back to reality. As my HeyTallGirl McSportsBoo name suggests, I am a HUGE sports fan. My flight happened to be during the first game of the Lakers vs. Hornets NBA series. I’m sitting in the aisle seat on a Southwest flight, and this good looking guy is sitting in the window seat, with no one in the middle (for the time being). I have my blackberry out game tracking the Laker game, when I notice this guy is game tracking something too. Since we were flying back to SoCal, I took a chance and asked him, “You following the Laker game too?” He was (duh), and we chatted a tiny bit before a 12 year old girl came and sat between us.
(On a total aside tangent – if you are a family traveling with 3 children under the age of 12, you should NOT be the last people to board a Southwest flight.)
The flight was just over two hours and when we land in Orange County, and are able to turn on our phones, he hands me his blackberry to show me the final (awful) score. I ask the little girl if she’d like to get out before me so she could find her parents and sisters who were all in different aisles. She hops out so Flirty McSouthwest and I begin chatting again. We talk all the way off the plane and when it is time to go our separate ways I say, “Bye! Nice meeting you,” he says, “Actually, can I see you again some time? Would I be able to get your number?” Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! This is like every girl’s dream – to sit next to a hot guy on an airplane (and not a total freak) and then have him ask for her number. I was STOKED! Couldn’t believe my luck. Now, don’t get too excited (like I did), because this guy actually is an airplane freak disguised as a hot guy…
He texted me immediately, which was definitely a bit much for me. His texts also included comments like, “I wish you had slid over to the middle seat so we could have sat next to each other”. Well sir, that is completely unrealistic that I would EVER give up an aisle seat for a middle. And another said something like, “Aren’t you glad I waited for you to walk off the plane”. Actually buddy, since I was in the aisle, I walked off the plane ahead of you. Like Blondie said in her last entry, we try to make excuses and exceptions for guys, so I tried to talk myself into thinking these constant flirty texts weren’t that bad.
I didn’t hear from him for about a week, which thrilled me and actually convinced me that he may be more normal than I originally thought. Then Saturday rolls around and the freaky texts resume. Again, the texts turned a little too flirty calling me a “hot girl” and asking me to “come out” and meet him late night. Barf. This was all already too much for me but today was the absolute final kicker. I get a text message today, Monday, at about 1:00pm. The text reads, “Boring Monday…are you wearing something cute today that will cheer me up :)”. Nooooooooooooooooooo! And now my phone has vomit all over it. Are you kidding me??? Do girls like this? Does this work for him? Oh man, needless to say, that was my absolute final straw. I did not respond and never intended to again. Final Vote: Dud, Freak, Barf-Trigger.
Lastly…
On Saturday night I was out and about in Newport Beach with a bunch of friends and friends of friends. We were dancing around, drinking, having a great time, and I kinda had my eye on DancingMachine McTeddyBear. I find out from my friends that he is single and apparently one of them decides to tell him that I’m interested. We chat a little bit, dance around (he definitely showed me up, and everyone else in the bar), and then I was ready to call it a night. In our conversation we found out that we live in the same apartment complex so decide to share a cab ride home. I’ll spare you any details but we made-out a little bit and exchanged numbers. He actually asked me to “hang-out” tonight, but I declined because I had other stuff to do (watch the Sharks hockey game, write this blog, but most importantly I was already in my sweats for the night). I asked him if I could take a rain-check and I think we are hanging out on Wednesday. Current Vote: Potential Stud.
I honestly cannot believe I’ve handed out my number, and have been contacted, by three guys in three weeks. Not sure what vibe I’m giving off, but I’m sure glad that I am! Although Flirty McSouthwest has GOTS to go, I’m pretty optimistic about the other two gentleman. Fingers crossed that one of them pans out!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I'm in trouble...
Well I let my match.com subscription expire and so far, no regrets! Seriously folks. I think I have been dealing with match dudes for so long I had forgotten what its like to meet a normal person. The more I think about it, the only thing Match did for me was force me to lower my standards. I was persistently telling myself with every guy “give him a chance,” or “don’t be so judgmental.” Is that REALLY the way you want to feel about somebody you are dating? The pity dynamic is not very conducive to romance. One should be excited about who they are meeting up with for a drink, or curious about who is buying them a latte! My sentiments were generally more aligned with performing community service.
I am going to save the best for last and start by telling you how I have in a matter of a week managed to eliminate three Matchy McLames from my pool of options. The first one I mentioned on my last post, Nursy McTenderHeart. He actually gave me a call which was good, but his phone communication style was just like his email; stream of consciousness with minimal punctuation. Plus I could barely understand him. I was annoying myself with how many times I said “what?” Now please don’t think I am judging him for his casual approach to grammar, but this is simply not a match for how I operate. Top it off with the usage of the terms “homeboy” and “Costa” (aka Costa Rica) and it is clear this Nursy is likely doing more than dispensing the meds. Tenderheart or not, he’s just not man enough for me. So, in the interest of preserving my dating Karma I decided that instead of ignoring his incessant texts, I would kindly let him know that I did not think we are a match. Final vote: bud
Though I have had barely any communication with Beamy McDouche, he deserves a mention only because I want everybody to fully understand the scope of what Teachy and I are dealing with on match. So on my last “paid” day of match (paying the subscription activates the email function; searching, winking and your profile are all still active for free) I decided to take advantage of the last opportunity to beef up my man ranks. I had received a wink from Beamy McDouche and he fit my whitecollar profile to a T. He had even included pictures of himself in front of his BMW to reassure any doubters that he was in fact a McDouche. But he was cute enough, educated, and some people are just car people right? Well I gave him my number and told him my match subscription was expiring so he would have to call me. He (shocker) texted me the next day. We exchanged a few texts before I finally told him I am not into the texting and perhaps we could talk over the weekend. Shocker, he didn’t call, but he texted me on Monday. This guy is clearly a candidate for Mensa as he asked me, “how was the game?” I responded, “game?” as I did not attend any sporting events whatsoever this weekend. His response, “oh, I mixed you up with somebody else.” And if that wasn’t hilarious enough, he later texts me again and ironically asks me, “do you remember who I am?” Well Beamy McDouche, I do now.
And this leads me to Boasty McSelfAbsorbed. I don’t know what possessed me to respond to this guy. He constructed a grammatically correct email and was moderately attractive so, as I mentioned before that is pretty much the extent of my standards these days. He had some self indulgent pics on his profile but I tried to over look those and remain open minded. His first text message was three “texts” long (blackberry) and explained why he wouldn’t in fact be calling me because he was sick. Perfect. So I politely told him I wished him well and gave him my email address which he had asked for. We exchanged a couple of standard emails in which he boasted about his band, all the gigs and places they play and oh yeah by the way he lives in Willow Glen. So I was a little too repulsed to respond but was FORCING myself to not be too judgy. But even Teachy told me he’s not for me and don’t waste my time. Apparently I am a glutton for punishment because he texted me and asked if he could call me tonite and I agreed. He said he would call me at 8:30. Thank you Mr. Exacto, can you send me an outlook invitation too? So he called and the first thing he blurted (really he blurted-it was a violent verbal assault) was “How’s that for punctual?” Sigh….this is going to be painful. He then went into an EXTENSIVE explanation of his symptom progression, diagnosis and treatment phase of strep throat. Are you feeling sparkly? I know I am. So even though he had pretty much sealed his fate from the first word he spoke, I politely engaged with him for about 20 minutes until he ended the conversation without (thank god) asking me out. Oh my god I am exhausted again just typing this. Final vote: Dud.
Now we can get to the good stuff! Cutie McManners (who I am thinking of renaming because he’s so much more than that) and I had our 2nd date last Thursday. He was going out of town and sent me a text saying that he’d like to see me before he leaves and could we do a last minute drink that day. Well, I already had plans with Teachy for a home cooked dinner date but not till later so I told him I could meet him for a bit before my dinner plans. We met at a dive bar between our two offices and had a couple of drinks. It ended up being a good thing I had other plans and had to leave because I could have sat there all night. An hour flew by and I felt relaxed, happy, curious, and started to feel sparkly. Our conversation was natural and I just found him to be so normal and relatable. He isn’t boastful or braggy, but he is clearly accomplished and self assured. I found myself smiling a lot and just enjoying my time with him. His energy was calm and peaceful, but also masculine and powerful. Plus he was even cuter than I remembered! He walked me to my car and kissed me good night (sorry keeping the deets to myself). My biggest challenge with this guy is going to be keeping myself in check. Yes folks, I am in trouble. Current Vote: Stud
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
It's time for a hiatus
Maybe I should take a page from Blondie's book and rewrite my profile. It's probably about time, don't you think? I tell myself yes, that there are lots of things I need to do. But right now I am feeling the teensiest bit burnt out. OK, I lie. I am completely burnt out. And not just from match.com dating, but from numerous facets of my life.
To begin, my job is challenging. I am about 3/4 of the way through my second year of full-time teaching and it ain't easy, people. I am feeling the burn! With four different courses to prep for and very little time in the day, my brain is constantly working. To be honest, I don't think my brain has worked this hard in years - not even when I was in grad school and certainly not when I was in my last job!
Next, I am in the process of looking for a new place to live. While this is not an emotionally difficult thing to do (it is actually an opportunity that I am really excited about), it is a very time-consuming and brain-using activity. I never knew I would have to use my brain so much outside of work! I always thought leaving work meant turning the brain off in order to make room for crappy reality television. Boy, was I wrong!
Finally, I just finished "training" and "competing in" a triathlon. I use the term "training" and "competing" loosely because I actually did hardly anything, physically, to prepare for this triathlon. But since I was serving as a support staff member, my duties this training season extended beyond simply just exercising. Those duties required brain power and other acts that are a step up from vegging in front of the TV.
So with these things in mind, I am simply exhausted. Beat. Mowed down. Who has time, after all that, for online dating? Not me. And that's clear in my actions. I am not blogging as much as I once was. I am waaaay less enthusiastic about my dating adventures. I am not oozing with positive energy. I am canceling on dates for no good reason. And I am, as per usual, trying to squeeze 25 hours of activity out of one 24-hour day. I am making life miserable for myself. I know and you know that I will never find a huzband like this.
So I've decided - after the three dates that I had scheduled for last week (see what I mean???) - that now is a good time to take a break. It won't be a super long break, I promise! But it will be a break that will last long enough to get me through post-triathlon soreness and team wrap-up, and to get me caught up with work - I will grade every single paper that has been turned in to date! Thankfully, the apartment hunting is already on hold until it gets closer to our move-in date, which isn't until July. What is important here is that I focus my energy in the right place. And right now, that is not on match.com. I will let Blondie take over the blogging for a while. I know y'all need to have your minds satiated with the exciting details of some poor single lady's dating life, so Blondie... it's all you!
But before I go, let me fill you in on last week's maction... To begin, my strong desire to take a break from match.com made going on my dates feel more like burdens than exciting adventures. So, I had Date #1 with CouldBeGhetto McPoorGuy on Monday night last week. Since he lives in San Francisco, we met halfway - in San Mateo - for a late dinner at KingFish ("Eat like a king, drink like a fish." Yup). It was an entertaining enough date. We got along really well and had a lot to talk about. He works for a non-profit in the City, which helps underpriveleged teens and young adults turn their lives around. I wanted to ask him (and I am not being judgemental here, but it is probably important to know that he is African American) if he had previously been one of these "troubled, underpriveleged teens," but I didn't want to offend him, so I kept that question to myself. But honestly, he definitely fit the profile of a reformed gang member... just sayin.
Instead of talking about the thug life, we talked about things like where he went to college, sports (because I am such a sports nut, duh), our lives growing up in the Bay Area, etc. I learned that he played football in high school and college, he drives a black Mustang with black rims (that is where the CouldBeGhetto nickname originates from. That, and some of his profile pictures wearing wife beaters and diamond-studded sunglasses), and he went to college in Oregon. Educated, interesting, athletic... wait a second, this guy sounds like a winner, right? Yeah, a bi-winner!
I probably would have been excited for a second date, but he totally ruined his stud status by suggesting that we split the dinner bill! Ugh. Are you kidding? So now I'm out another $30 because this guy's mama never taught him manners. Or he's just really, really poor. Both serious possibilities. Both total turn-offs. So bitterly, I pulled out my wallet and threw down my credit card. He knew I was going to be out of town for my triathlon, so he told me to call him when I returned. Needless to say, I will not be making that phone call. Boo to you, Mr. Cheapskate! Final vote: dud.
Next, on Tuesday was Date #2 with NeedsToEatACheeseburger McMichigan. We met for a drink - yet another sign of this guy's penny-pinching as well... still no offer to take me to dinner - at an Irish bar in Mountain View. He was 25 minutes late. Steeeee-rike 2! I got there a few minutes early, ordered myself a drink and some dinner. (This place is known for their awesome happy hour, with cheap food and drinks, so I wanted to get my order in before happy hour ended, which was at 6:30. We were meeting at 6). When he finally strolled in at 6:25, I urged him to get his order in quickly before happy hour ended. He didn't seem to be worried. We ended up chatting for an hour. It felt forced and all I could think about was when it would be too soon to say, "Well, I've gotta get going..."
And, to make matters worse, I ended up paying for his drink, since I had put my card down at the bar when I was waiting for him to arrive. That's two dates in a row where I had to pay! What is up with that? I am clearly choosing the wrong men. It's pretty obvious that I am not into this guy. I could see myself being friends with him as we definitely had a similar sense of humor. But I am certainly not going to send out a friend request on Facebook. To be honest, this relationship is done-zo. Final vote: bud.
Finally, I had Date #1 scheduled with AwkwardSilences McUnprounceableFirstName on Wednesday. Two things went wrong with this "date." First, I had attended a conference earlier that day where there was some interesting "Chinese" food being served. I, being the fat girl that I am, served myself two helpings of the concoction. Mmmm it was tasty. Later that day, as my Night School class was coming to a close, I had the nearly uncontrollable urge to run to the toilet. I was about three seconds away from an unfortunate accident. Luckily, I made it. As to be expected, having a near-accident in your pants is not the way you want to be feeling just before your first date. So I called to see if we could reschedule. Now, this is partly where the second problem comes in.
His mannerisms on the phone reminded me a little too much of the late-January dating disaster, Geeky McEastSlow. Yep, that would be the one who announced his Special Ed status to me at the dinner table, just before he asked to take the bread to go. So after two three-minute-long awkward silencey phone conversations, I was starting to worry about the social skills of my upcoming date. And, on top of that, he had a first name that I absolutely could not figure out how to pronounce! Before even meeting this guy in person, I could tell that it wasn't going to work. I told him we would reschedule for this week, but I am not feeling it whatsoever. My spidey senses are certainly NOT tingling. Final vote: dud.
I honestly believe that the universe was speaking to me last week... it sent me three good reasons to taking a match.com hiatus. I am listening, universe!
To begin, my job is challenging. I am about 3/4 of the way through my second year of full-time teaching and it ain't easy, people. I am feeling the burn! With four different courses to prep for and very little time in the day, my brain is constantly working. To be honest, I don't think my brain has worked this hard in years - not even when I was in grad school and certainly not when I was in my last job!
Next, I am in the process of looking for a new place to live. While this is not an emotionally difficult thing to do (it is actually an opportunity that I am really excited about), it is a very time-consuming and brain-using activity. I never knew I would have to use my brain so much outside of work! I always thought leaving work meant turning the brain off in order to make room for crappy reality television. Boy, was I wrong!
Finally, I just finished "training" and "competing in" a triathlon. I use the term "training" and "competing" loosely because I actually did hardly anything, physically, to prepare for this triathlon. But since I was serving as a support staff member, my duties this training season extended beyond simply just exercising. Those duties required brain power and other acts that are a step up from vegging in front of the TV.
So with these things in mind, I am simply exhausted. Beat. Mowed down. Who has time, after all that, for online dating? Not me. And that's clear in my actions. I am not blogging as much as I once was. I am waaaay less enthusiastic about my dating adventures. I am not oozing with positive energy. I am canceling on dates for no good reason. And I am, as per usual, trying to squeeze 25 hours of activity out of one 24-hour day. I am making life miserable for myself. I know and you know that I will never find a huzband like this.
So I've decided - after the three dates that I had scheduled for last week (see what I mean???) - that now is a good time to take a break. It won't be a super long break, I promise! But it will be a break that will last long enough to get me through post-triathlon soreness and team wrap-up, and to get me caught up with work - I will grade every single paper that has been turned in to date! Thankfully, the apartment hunting is already on hold until it gets closer to our move-in date, which isn't until July. What is important here is that I focus my energy in the right place. And right now, that is not on match.com. I will let Blondie take over the blogging for a while. I know y'all need to have your minds satiated with the exciting details of some poor single lady's dating life, so Blondie... it's all you!
But before I go, let me fill you in on last week's maction... To begin, my strong desire to take a break from match.com made going on my dates feel more like burdens than exciting adventures. So, I had Date #1 with CouldBeGhetto McPoorGuy on Monday night last week. Since he lives in San Francisco, we met halfway - in San Mateo - for a late dinner at KingFish ("Eat like a king, drink like a fish." Yup). It was an entertaining enough date. We got along really well and had a lot to talk about. He works for a non-profit in the City, which helps underpriveleged teens and young adults turn their lives around. I wanted to ask him (and I am not being judgemental here, but it is probably important to know that he is African American) if he had previously been one of these "troubled, underpriveleged teens," but I didn't want to offend him, so I kept that question to myself. But honestly, he definitely fit the profile of a reformed gang member... just sayin.
Instead of talking about the thug life, we talked about things like where he went to college, sports (because I am such a sports nut, duh), our lives growing up in the Bay Area, etc. I learned that he played football in high school and college, he drives a black Mustang with black rims (that is where the CouldBeGhetto nickname originates from. That, and some of his profile pictures wearing wife beaters and diamond-studded sunglasses), and he went to college in Oregon. Educated, interesting, athletic... wait a second, this guy sounds like a winner, right? Yeah, a bi-winner!
I probably would have been excited for a second date, but he totally ruined his stud status by suggesting that we split the dinner bill! Ugh. Are you kidding? So now I'm out another $30 because this guy's mama never taught him manners. Or he's just really, really poor. Both serious possibilities. Both total turn-offs. So bitterly, I pulled out my wallet and threw down my credit card. He knew I was going to be out of town for my triathlon, so he told me to call him when I returned. Needless to say, I will not be making that phone call. Boo to you, Mr. Cheapskate! Final vote: dud.
Next, on Tuesday was Date #2 with NeedsToEatACheeseburger McMichigan. We met for a drink - yet another sign of this guy's penny-pinching as well... still no offer to take me to dinner - at an Irish bar in Mountain View. He was 25 minutes late. Steeeee-rike 2! I got there a few minutes early, ordered myself a drink and some dinner. (This place is known for their awesome happy hour, with cheap food and drinks, so I wanted to get my order in before happy hour ended, which was at 6:30. We were meeting at 6). When he finally strolled in at 6:25, I urged him to get his order in quickly before happy hour ended. He didn't seem to be worried. We ended up chatting for an hour. It felt forced and all I could think about was when it would be too soon to say, "Well, I've gotta get going..."
And, to make matters worse, I ended up paying for his drink, since I had put my card down at the bar when I was waiting for him to arrive. That's two dates in a row where I had to pay! What is up with that? I am clearly choosing the wrong men. It's pretty obvious that I am not into this guy. I could see myself being friends with him as we definitely had a similar sense of humor. But I am certainly not going to send out a friend request on Facebook. To be honest, this relationship is done-zo. Final vote: bud.
Finally, I had Date #1 scheduled with AwkwardSilences McUnprounceableFirstName on Wednesday. Two things went wrong with this "date." First, I had attended a conference earlier that day where there was some interesting "Chinese" food being served. I, being the fat girl that I am, served myself two helpings of the concoction. Mmmm it was tasty. Later that day, as my Night School class was coming to a close, I had the nearly uncontrollable urge to run to the toilet. I was about three seconds away from an unfortunate accident. Luckily, I made it. As to be expected, having a near-accident in your pants is not the way you want to be feeling just before your first date. So I called to see if we could reschedule. Now, this is partly where the second problem comes in.
His mannerisms on the phone reminded me a little too much of the late-January dating disaster, Geeky McEastSlow. Yep, that would be the one who announced his Special Ed status to me at the dinner table, just before he asked to take the bread to go. So after two three-minute-long awkward silencey phone conversations, I was starting to worry about the social skills of my upcoming date. And, on top of that, he had a first name that I absolutely could not figure out how to pronounce! Before even meeting this guy in person, I could tell that it wasn't going to work. I told him we would reschedule for this week, but I am not feeling it whatsoever. My spidey senses are certainly NOT tingling. Final vote: dud.
I honestly believe that the universe was speaking to me last week... it sent me three good reasons to taking a match.com hiatus. I am listening, universe!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Maction Reaction
I don’t have much longer until my match.com subscription expires and I am undecided whether or not to renew it. My revamped profile elicited a new wave of winks and emails and I have honestly had so many to sort through I spent an hour a couple of nights last week managing them all. It takes time to log into a fake profile, look at 15 pictures where only 2 of them really show what somebody looks like, decide if they are a douche bag or not, log out, and then log back into my own profile to respond! Anybody else who has ever participated in online dating has experienced this annoyance to which I am referring. What is it with men being so clueless about what kind of pictures to post on a profile? Does a picture of you zip lining 50 feet away from the camera really help me determine what you look like? And snowboarding gear-really? That could be a picture of my brother for all I know. But back to my dilemma! It really is a curious phenomenon that just a few paragraphs could have such an impact on my maction, particularly since everybody tells me that men are just looking at the pictures (and mine are all the same). Based on the recommendations from the book referenced in my previous post, I also made the decision to downgrade my body type (or maybe upgrade?) from “slender” to “about average.” The descriptions are so subjective, better for somebody to be pleasantly surprised as opposed to shocked at the T&A I am sporting.
So the most interesting aspect of this experiment is the TYPE of men I have been “attracting” with my Blondie 2.0 profile. These men are overwhelmingly employed in “service” occupations; a Pediatric ICU nurse, a cop, a firefighter. Gone are the lawyers and accountants of my beta test profile. So far, it appears that the education factor seems to have an inverse relationship with the sweetness factor. I have been chatting with Nursy McTenderHeart and Babyface McCopster. Both come across as simple in their emails, but genuinely interested in getting to know me. Neither have boasted about their exotic vacation plans or tried to impress me with quick witted commentary about international politics. They are relatable and down to earth which is a good start for this blue collar heart!
I am also thrilled to report that I had the pleasure of going out on a proper date this weekend! Cutie McManners hit me up with an email about a week ago and we had been exchanging messages for a few days. I would say our connection over email was probably the best I have ever experienced on match. Over the phone it was even better as we bonded over our mutual love of Jersey Shore (he might just be my dream guy!). He was funny, charming and interesting. Though an engineer by day, by night he is a down to earth, Texas born guy with an all American, borderline “bad boy” look. I gave him my phone number and he actually CALLED. Did you see that folks? He CALLED. Not texted. The day I gave him my number in fact! I am still in shock. He called me two days after our first conversation and said he would “like to take me out.” The significance of this phrase should not be overlooked. He did not say “we should hang out,” or “call me if you want to grab a drink.” He actually picked out the restaurant (and made a reservation); we met on Saturday at 7. He waited outside the restaurant for me to get there (nobody has ever done that for me before-bonus!). It was a very pleasant evening and we had a great conversation-I would say we “clicked.” I really enjoyed spending a few hours with this guy. I would not say it was magically sparkly, but definitely intriguing. He was a perfect gentleman and even snuck in a few subtle compliments which of course I loved. So our date ended with a hug and him saying “I’ll see you soon.” I was really unsure how to take this, as all the educational literature would suggest I am not likely to hear from him if he didn’t explicitly state as such. But with my new attitude I refuse to worry/analyze/obsess. Instead I just logged back in and responded to my waiting emails. And wouldn’t you know it, Cutie McManners texted me today! No date invitation yet, but perhaps this is a good sign? At least I know I am on his mind. Final Vote: Stud
Even with the influx of new potential dates, I remain hesitant to renew my match.com subscription. Deep down in my vajayjay I can’t honestly say I believe that this is the medium through which I will meet somebody special. Perhaps this attitude is a self fulfilling prophecy? But I sure do have to weed through a LOT of Douchey McDuds to find the decent men. I mentioned to Redhead McLameSayings, that I thought I may not continue the maction and her reaction was a bit discouraging, “well WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?” as if my singledom was some disease and I had decided to stop taking my meds. Her words of encouragement? Try eharmony.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Blondie 2.0
Hey there followers! I know I haven’t updated in awhile, but to be honest there hasn’t been much to report. Really-very dry spell. Arid. Parched. Sahara desert status. Just so nobody is hanging out there wondering, I will close the loop on Teddybear McMIT. Our date was very nice. I honestly can’t think of a more descriptive word because it just didn’t strike me in any unique way. He selected a Zagat rated sushi restaurant (double points up on the board for that move!) and we met at 8:00. He was a few minutes late and though I know some people probably wouldn’t mind this, I am not one of them. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I feel like the man should be early to greet his date. Plus that “crap is he gonna ditch me” anxiety is not good energy right before your date. But he apologized that he was late and said he went to the old location (not sure how he managed to get confused being an MIT alum and all). He redeemed himself when looking at the packed restaurant (starving) he reveals that he has made a reservation. Whew! I was about to start nibbling on my scarf as an appetizer! He was a real sweetheart and let me order what I wanted, and eat the last of the best rolls. His mannerisms were a bit shy, and he seemed perhaps a little uncomfortable but not in an awkward way, more just first date nerves. He was definitely polite, a perfect gentleman and had excellent manners. The thing I couldn’t get over was how much of a baby face he had! If it weren’t for his age listed on his match.com profile I would think he was an undergrad. I found myself thinking, could I get excited about making out with this guy? I determined I could if he put the moves on me. Well everything went according to plan after the date; he walked me to my car. He hugged me. He asked me if I’d like to hang out again (yes). Well followers, brace yourselves. He hasn’t called. So final vote: Bud.
Very much like TeachyMcTallgirl, I have unintentionally turned into the one-date-wonder. This has never happened to me before! Before ToolyMcWankface I never had a guy not call. Ever. My dating energy has clearly shifted. Perhaps the same forces of nature that have caused all the natural disasters lately are affecting my love life. Or maybe I am subconsciously projecting some vibe that is so off putting, men have no desire to spend time with me? Whatever it is, the over-analytical girl that I am would not let me leave anything to chance! So I did what I always do, I bought a book about it. The premise of the book is education for “one date wonder” girls such as myself. I've been doing my homework. Based on the book’s advice (simply put: project soft, feminine, positive, nurturing and compassionate energy) I revamped my match.com profile. However, I kept all the same pictures. This is practically a scientific experiment! Now followers don’t get all “you shouldn’t change yourself to meet a man” on me. I am not. I simply selected different aspects of my well rounded personality to highlight. It has been approximately 24 hours since I did this and my level of maction has spiked significantly! Hopefully it will manifest into an opportunity for me to try out Blondie 2.0.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Zoinks!
I must have been sending positive vibes out to the universe because I had very limited maction up until about a week ago, and then my account started blowing up with winks and emails. Not all of them are brag worthy (of course), but I did find a couple of diamonds in the rough. Well, maybe.
So yesterday afternoon, I went on an hour-long coffee date with NeedsToEatACheeseburger McMichigan. This guy isn't quite as skinny as Foody McGradSchool, but he could probably stand to put on a few pounds. I'll let his lack of body fat slide, though, as the guy is 6'5" - I can't imagine how much you might have to eat to sustain 6 feet, 5 inches of body mass. Actually, who am I kidding, I probably eat enough to sustain a 6'5" man's body mass... hence the reason I have never been referred to as "skinny" in my life... waaaaaaah, I am crying now!
Anyway, back to our date. It was really nothing to write home about. (Therefore, mom, that would be the reason why I did not bring it up at dinner last night.) He is a giant, which I love, with dirty blond shaggy hair - in fact, now that I think about it, he kind of reminds me of Shaggy from Scooby Doo. I think he might have even been wearing brown corduroy pants - isn't that what Shaggy wears in the cartoon? And I wouldn't be surprised if he had smoked a bowl before showing up for our date. Hold on, let me check my sources: What do you think, Scoob? Zoinks! Ruh-roh! OK, good. Scoob says it's not the real Shaggy, so I will continue with my description. He has glasses, fair skin, and freckles. All in all, not bad to look at. He has this chill, Santa Cruz (hence the smoking reference above) vibe about him. Maybe even a little too chill. I mean, this guy could not have a care in the world! "Yeah, sure, whatever" was his standard response, and while I love a guy's chill nature, I also appreciate a guy who can make a firm decision. I know the pants look REALLY good on me, but I don't always want to be the one to wear them. Especially on our first date. That is YOUR job as the man, buster. Step up.
So conversation flowed really well. Witty banter back and forth. He made me laugh, I made him laugh. No awkward silences. Funny, interesting. And that's about it. There was nothing sparkly about the date. I felt like I was having coffee with an old friend. Or my brother. Yikes! That is not a good sign, is it? I want to like this guy because he has a lot of potenty - he, like me, is a teacher. His nickname, actually, should probably be TeachyMcTallGuy and then we would seem like the two most compatible people in the world. He would be the yin to my yang. But the truth is that he is not. We are not that compatible. We just happen to have a lot of things in common, including the same majors in college, but - sadly - that does not mean we are meant to be.
I left the date thinking, "Well, that was a fun use of an hour." I told him to call me if he wanted to hang out again. Since I have been the One-Date Wonder for the past several dates, I figured I would not hear from this guy again. But, alas! He texted me this afternoon: "hey Teachy, I had fun yesterday. Would u like to go out again this week?" I was shocked and kind of happy. I have broken the One-Date curse! It must have been those positive vibes I have been letting out into the universe. Perhaps because I am turning 21+10 this week and nothing makes me happier than celebrating my birthday! I am certain that happiness has been seeping through my pores and Mr. McMichigan sensed it. So, what was I to do? Turn down this perfectly nice gentlemen who clearly thinks I am an awesome, funny, and beautiful creature? No way, Jose! Instead, I agreed and we will be embarking on Date #2 on Wednesday night. Stay tuned! Current vote: Bud... but you never know!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
All Smiles
Happy St. Patrick's Day! Obviously I'm out having a wild time. Nope. In my defense, my best-friend had a baby today and I have been focused on that. She's so cute, and perfect, and I love her. And hey, at least I'm in love with someone!! Cause when it comes to dudes, not so much...
Ok, so had my date with Professor McMusicMan on Tuesday. The date was originally scheduled for Friday (much to my dismay), but when the texter-extraordinaire hadn't confirmed or told me when or where by 1:00pm on Friday, I cancelled for the night. Apparently he had been "at a gig" on Thursday and then in meetings on Friday morning so hadn't had a chance to get back to me. Although these seem like fair excuses, you cannot leave a girl hanging for hours and hours on end. We agreed on a date next week (he originally suggested Monday but I had to propose a few other dates because I was NOT about to miss The Bachelor Finale on Monday night), of course, over text.
Then comes the weekend - my birthday weekend! This dude is texting me up a storm: "Happy Birthday weekend! Hope you are having a great time!" I think he may have actually texted me something along those lines on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Haha cracks me up just thinking about it. I mean, I know it is nice, and he most certainly means well, it is just way too much for me. Tuesday rolls around and he again, hadn't confirmed when or where until 1:37pm (just double checked my texts). We go back and forth a few times and then he picks a place in Newport Beach for margaritas. Perfect. I'd also like to point out that in these few back and forth texts, I had to see an exclamation point at the end of every single sentence and also a minimum of one :) per text. The thing is, I've never used a :) in my life. In fact, just to make those 2 I had to search the keyboard for the appropriate keys. I'd also like to point out how feminine I think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) are!
5:47pm, I pull up to the restaurant and he was sitting outside waiting for me, which was very nice. Gave him a hug and the two of us struck up conversation right away. Seemed pretty comfortable right from the get-go. On a quick aside, I had had a REALLY bad day at work, was on the verge of tears (and had I spoken to my dad, which I really wanted to, I would have most definitely been sobbing), just seconds before this date. We sit outside on a beautiful Southern California day and both order margaritas on the rocks with salt (so good!). We talked a lot about sports (it's my comfort zone and go-to), our families, our work, school, etc. He asked me lots of questions and had me talking for a few hours which ended up being just what I needed to take my mind off of work. Although the conversation definitely did flow, as per usual, I did feel a bit like he was so entertained with me. The good-old Court Jester Syndrome that both Teachy McTallGirl and I suffer from. He must have said "Oh I like that" or "Oh I love that" at least 20 times (seriously) after I said something that he apparently liked/loved.
I know this is sounding nit-picky (and it probably is) but I also noticed that some of his mannerisms are a bit feminine (I mean, this is on top of the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and :) :)). When the server (who was TOTALLY an "it's Pat," btw) would come and check on us he would do this weird, head slightly thrown back and hand on his chest move and would assure s/he that we were fine (I literally have no idea if our server was a man or woman after 2+ hours).
Positives about the date - he was so nice, has a good job that he is super passionate about and I bet really quite good at, he loves sports and was comfortable talking to me about them, seems close with his family, and has a good education. I WISH I could like him but in the end, I'm pretty sure he's going to end up a bud.
He said that night, and has texted me since, that he would like to go out again. However, I have not yet been asked on an actual date. I am currently debating whether or not I should go (if I'm actually asked). I'd say right now that I'm leaning towards giving him one more shot, but we'll see how many :) :) :) I see between now and being asked on a date, and that could change my final answer. Willing to take suggestions and opinions, so if you have 'em, send 'em over!
Ok, so had my date with Professor McMusicMan on Tuesday. The date was originally scheduled for Friday (much to my dismay), but when the texter-extraordinaire hadn't confirmed or told me when or where by 1:00pm on Friday, I cancelled for the night. Apparently he had been "at a gig" on Thursday and then in meetings on Friday morning so hadn't had a chance to get back to me. Although these seem like fair excuses, you cannot leave a girl hanging for hours and hours on end. We agreed on a date next week (he originally suggested Monday but I had to propose a few other dates because I was NOT about to miss The Bachelor Finale on Monday night), of course, over text.
Then comes the weekend - my birthday weekend! This dude is texting me up a storm: "Happy Birthday weekend! Hope you are having a great time!" I think he may have actually texted me something along those lines on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Haha cracks me up just thinking about it. I mean, I know it is nice, and he most certainly means well, it is just way too much for me. Tuesday rolls around and he again, hadn't confirmed when or where until 1:37pm (just double checked my texts). We go back and forth a few times and then he picks a place in Newport Beach for margaritas. Perfect. I'd also like to point out that in these few back and forth texts, I had to see an exclamation point at the end of every single sentence and also a minimum of one :) per text. The thing is, I've never used a :) in my life. In fact, just to make those 2 I had to search the keyboard for the appropriate keys. I'd also like to point out how feminine I think !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) are!
5:47pm, I pull up to the restaurant and he was sitting outside waiting for me, which was very nice. Gave him a hug and the two of us struck up conversation right away. Seemed pretty comfortable right from the get-go. On a quick aside, I had had a REALLY bad day at work, was on the verge of tears (and had I spoken to my dad, which I really wanted to, I would have most definitely been sobbing), just seconds before this date. We sit outside on a beautiful Southern California day and both order margaritas on the rocks with salt (so good!). We talked a lot about sports (it's my comfort zone and go-to), our families, our work, school, etc. He asked me lots of questions and had me talking for a few hours which ended up being just what I needed to take my mind off of work. Although the conversation definitely did flow, as per usual, I did feel a bit like he was so entertained with me. The good-old Court Jester Syndrome that both Teachy McTallGirl and I suffer from. He must have said "Oh I like that" or "Oh I love that" at least 20 times (seriously) after I said something that he apparently liked/loved.
I know this is sounding nit-picky (and it probably is) but I also noticed that some of his mannerisms are a bit feminine (I mean, this is on top of the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and :) :)). When the server (who was TOTALLY an "it's Pat," btw) would come and check on us he would do this weird, head slightly thrown back and hand on his chest move and would assure s/he that we were fine (I literally have no idea if our server was a man or woman after 2+ hours).
Positives about the date - he was so nice, has a good job that he is super passionate about and I bet really quite good at, he loves sports and was comfortable talking to me about them, seems close with his family, and has a good education. I WISH I could like him but in the end, I'm pretty sure he's going to end up a bud.
He said that night, and has texted me since, that he would like to go out again. However, I have not yet been asked on an actual date. I am currently debating whether or not I should go (if I'm actually asked). I'd say right now that I'm leaning towards giving him one more shot, but we'll see how many :) :) :) I see between now and being asked on a date, and that could change my final answer. Willing to take suggestions and opinions, so if you have 'em, send 'em over!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
TEXT-TASTIC
HeyTallGirl McSportsBoo here. As I know you know, it has been ages since I last posted about my match.com dating adventures. The reason for that is simple, I haven't been on any dates OR adventures. Although there are several things contributing to my lack of maction (match.com action), I'd say the primary reason is that I've been dealing with a real-life (not met online) boy. Since he's an actual person in my life I'm a bit hesitant to write about him, but at the very least I'm going to give him a buds, duds, and studs name: SkinnyGiant McNiceGuy. While I'm writing this blog entry, I'm drinking my first glass of wine in WEEKS, driven back to the bottle by none other than SkinnyGiant McNiceGuy. I am primarily here to write about my latest match prospect, Professor McMusicMan, but we'll see how quickly the booze runs through my veins and if I feeling like dishing about SkinnyGiant. We'll see. Anyway...
So, Professor McMusicMan: 28, 6'3, pretty big guy, went to USC, and is a wait for it....music professor at a local college. He started emailing me a few weeks ago and has been a bit persistent. I have been trying to fight match (as stated above), but this guy has continued to follow-up and pursue me (which is nice), and we finally have a date in the works. He seems super nice (uses a lot of !!!!!!!!! though ,which is a bit of a pet-peeve of mine), smart, and passionate. And although I think it's pretty cool that he's a music professor and performs from time to time, I'm a bit nervous that we may not have a lot in common. My music "expertise" ends at Kelly Clarkson.
Also, the Professor is a texter. The thing is, I'm not interested in texting back and forth with someone I don't know. Especially, when this someone is texting just for the sake of texting. Purposeless. It's a phenomenon I just do not understand. About two weeks ago we exchanged phone numbers. Cool. A few days later, he texts me to ask how my night is going? Fair enough. A few texts back and forth and I put an end to the text-ersation because I was about to pick my dad up from the airport and drive for an hour. Fast forward another week and I get a text on Friday night saying, "Hey! Just wanted to say hi! Hope your (wrong you're, btw) having a great Friday!". My question is, what am I supposed to do with this?? My answer that night, nothing. First of all it was Friday, and although I wasn't doing anything at the time of the text message, I'm not going to let-on that I had no plans on Friday. Second of all, this text came PRIOR to him asking me on a date. I am not starting up a text-lationship with someone who may never even want to meet me. Lucky for him, a few days later (today) he did ask me on a date...through text....
When talking with Teachy McTallGirl today about this she said, "well, maybe he's just painfully shy." And I sarcastically responded, "cause painfully shy is totally my type". Regardless of all of this, I'm going to give this guy a shot. We are either going on a date late this week or early next (depending on my birthday plans - woohoo it's my birthday this weekend!!) and as soon as we do, you'll be the first to hear...
Ok, I've decided I'm going to hold-off on writing about SkinnyGiant (sorry!), at least for now. Amazing really, since I'm actually 1/2 way through my second glass of wine at this point. The chances of this "drama" continuing is highly likely, so I'll probably be back to rant and rave another time. Til then....
So, Professor McMusicMan: 28, 6'3, pretty big guy, went to USC, and is a wait for it....music professor at a local college. He started emailing me a few weeks ago and has been a bit persistent. I have been trying to fight match (as stated above), but this guy has continued to follow-up and pursue me (which is nice), and we finally have a date in the works. He seems super nice (uses a lot of !!!!!!!!! though ,which is a bit of a pet-peeve of mine), smart, and passionate. And although I think it's pretty cool that he's a music professor and performs from time to time, I'm a bit nervous that we may not have a lot in common. My music "expertise" ends at Kelly Clarkson.
Also, the Professor is a texter. The thing is, I'm not interested in texting back and forth with someone I don't know. Especially, when this someone is texting just for the sake of texting. Purposeless. It's a phenomenon I just do not understand. About two weeks ago we exchanged phone numbers. Cool. A few days later, he texts me to ask how my night is going? Fair enough. A few texts back and forth and I put an end to the text-ersation because I was about to pick my dad up from the airport and drive for an hour. Fast forward another week and I get a text on Friday night saying, "Hey! Just wanted to say hi! Hope your (wrong you're, btw) having a great Friday!". My question is, what am I supposed to do with this?? My answer that night, nothing. First of all it was Friday, and although I wasn't doing anything at the time of the text message, I'm not going to let-on that I had no plans on Friday. Second of all, this text came PRIOR to him asking me on a date. I am not starting up a text-lationship with someone who may never even want to meet me. Lucky for him, a few days later (today) he did ask me on a date...through text....
When talking with Teachy McTallGirl today about this she said, "well, maybe he's just painfully shy." And I sarcastically responded, "cause painfully shy is totally my type". Regardless of all of this, I'm going to give this guy a shot. We are either going on a date late this week or early next (depending on my birthday plans - woohoo it's my birthday this weekend!!) and as soon as we do, you'll be the first to hear...
Ok, I've decided I'm going to hold-off on writing about SkinnyGiant (sorry!), at least for now. Amazing really, since I'm actually 1/2 way through my second glass of wine at this point. The chances of this "drama" continuing is highly likely, so I'll probably be back to rant and rave another time. Til then....
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
What gives? Round 2.
So, Blondie and I went on a date on Saturday night to go see the critically acclaimed film, "Hall Pass." Blondie's choice, people, not mine. We arrived early so decided that the only way two old ladies like us would stay awake for the entirety of a 2-hour movie that starts at 8pm, would be if we grabbed a Starbucks, which is located just next-door to the movie theatre.
So we go in and Blondie, being the great date that she is, buys me my drink. Awww... I love my husband. As she's paying, I walk away to go stand next to the barista area - where people go to wait for their drinks. I literally have to squeeze past this man, who is on his cell phone, in order to get to the proper waiting area. As I am walking past, I hear him saying, "Hello? Uh... hello...?" and I think to myself that he is clearly talking to the person on the other end of the phone. Damn AT&T. But then I hear, "Natalie?" I spin around. I recognize him immediately but pretend that I have no idea who he is. "Hi," I say. Blondie is looking at my with a skeptical eye. I shoot a Fudge, this is awkward. Get me outta here look right back at her. "I believe we met on match," he says to me. Don't "I believe" me, Mister. You know my name! You very well know where we met. "Ohhhhhh..." I say, still shooting sideways glances at Blondie. Please save me. "What's your name?" I ask. Of course, I know his name. I think. "Winky McWhatGives" he responds. Duh. Of course it is.
Now let's rewind for a second. You all remember Winky McWhatGives, don't you? How could you forget? And let's say you have forgotten - I think then it's time you scroll through the archives and find the post entitled "What Gives" and you shall discover why the last thing I EVER wanted to do in my life EVER... was run into this guy in Starbucks.
"What are you doing here," he asks? "Oh, my friend, Blondie, and I are going to see a movie. You?" "Me, too! I am going to see 'Hall Pass.'" Yep. How did I know? Please don't ask if you can sit with us. Please don't ask if you can sit with us. He does not ask to sit with us, but he does continue to shoot the shit as he looks me up and down with hungry eyes (according to Blondie - "Did you SEE the way he was looking at you?"). Ugh. Finally, he asks if he can call me. I cannot reject this guy for, like, a fifth time in the middle of Starbucks when we are about to go sit in the same tiny movie theatre to watch the same lame movie as him. "Sure," I say, clearly with reluctance - clenched teeth and a quivering lip. He cannot sense my reluctance, though, because all he sees is this amazing aura of light around me. I am an angel sent from the heavens and our miraculously running into each other in Starbucks is surely a sign from God that we should be together. It is fate!
Finally, he realizes that I am on a date and he excuses himself to order his coffee. Blondie and I grab our drinks from the barista - why did they take SO LONG to make our drinks? Oh, right, because Blondie had to wait for her decaf coffee to brew. We literally run out of Starbucks. In the theatre, we sit as high up as possible and hide. BTW, this guy is alone. So he is clearly not getting a lot of hits on match.com. Gee, I wonder why? Thankfully, we never see him enter or exit the theatre. We make it out of there safely. *Phew!*
Fast-forward to Sunday night. I receive a phone call at 10pm (side note: do not call me at 10pm on a Sunday night. I am sleeping. Guaranteed). It wakes me up. It is Winky, who leaves a voice message. O.M.G. this guy is clueless. He says, "It was great running into you on Saturday night!" No it wasn't. He asks if we can catch up. I do not call him back. I will not call him back. Why is it the freaks who love me the most? Why? Why? WHY? Seriously, what gives? This vote has already been cast, but in case you need to be reminded: FREAK!
And now for the lightning-speed updates on the rest of my dating life:
1) Okie McDogRescuer never called. WAH! I liked him! Final vote: Bud.
2) MountainBiker McChristian also stopped calling. Aww shucks. But in reality... don't care. And, as it turns out, he is the SAME guy that NicestFriend McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate went on a date with about a year ago! Same thing happened to her! Clearly, this guy is NOT a keeper. And he has no type because McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate and I look nothing alike. Final vote: Dud.
3) Final update - not so lightning speed, though. This deserves a full explanation. So for a second, I was communicating with a new potenty: eHarmony McTayeDiggsLookalike. He was smokin'! We actually met on eHarmony late 2009 (clearly, I have tried them all, people. Multiple times. I never seem to learn my lesson). We went on one date to Starbucks. He was very handsome in person, but he was a flaky mctallguy for sure. At some point early last year, just before I started dating Douchey, he got "busy" and we stopped communicating (which was just texting, btw, because he didn't like talking on the phone. Hello, red flag)! So I get this email on match a week ago and it's from this guy. I could not remember his name. I am very upfront with him and I tell him that I am not looking for a text buddy and that if he is interested in a serious relationship, then he should call me. Oh, and btw, what's your name again? A couple of days later, I get a text from him: "Hey, what's up." Clearly, he did not get the message. In my text back I told him that he needed to ask me out on a date or we were done-zo. So he responds and asks if I would like to come over to his house and "chill." WHAT!? Are you serious? I tell him no, that I want to go on a real date. He is resistant but agrees that maybe we can meet at Rancho for a walk. Ahh... much more my style. We don't end up going on that date, though, because, WTF?, it is snowing in San Jose. Instead, we make plans to schedule something else later. FYI - still no phone call from this guy. I decide to hold out for him, though, because he is incredibly good looking.
So Tuesday afternoon comes around and I get a text from him. He asks me, again, if I want to go to house his and chill. OK, how much clearer can I be? NO! I want to go on a real date! I am angry and pretty much write that word for word. After about an hour of text arguing with him, he writes this: "I'll be upfront and candid... I have no intent of wining and dining anyone until I feel as if they are someone I have a mental and physical connection with and can see myself with."
I am so irritated by this point, so I write back (over a series of text messages): "How do you expect to ever make a connection with someone if you don't go on a date? I was never asking you to buy me fancy dinners. Meeting over coffee or for a drink works just fine. Or even talking to me on the phone. You do realize that there are creeps, rapists, and sex fiends on the internet, right? So when you ask a girl to come over to your house when you don't know her, you are going to come across as one of the above. It's not to say that you are one of the above, but you could be. How do I know? I am protecting myself when I ask to meet you in a public place." This is apparently funny to him because the message I get back says, "LOL." Yeah, I am sure you were laughing out loud.
"Though I get your point," he writes, "a rapist, sex fiend, or stalker is going to be the same person after one date or 100 dates... Look, I am not knocking your reluctance. I invited, you declined, it really isn't that big of a deal." He is right. And I am SO OVER HIM at this point. Even if he was Taye Diggs, I would have sent this same message back: "Ok well it's not going to work for me, so good luck!" And here is the kicker... His response: "K. Just let me know" HA! Now I am totally LOLing! Final vote: Idiot... er, I mean Dud.
So we go in and Blondie, being the great date that she is, buys me my drink. Awww... I love my husband. As she's paying, I walk away to go stand next to the barista area - where people go to wait for their drinks. I literally have to squeeze past this man, who is on his cell phone, in order to get to the proper waiting area. As I am walking past, I hear him saying, "Hello? Uh... hello...?" and I think to myself that he is clearly talking to the person on the other end of the phone. Damn AT&T. But then I hear, "Natalie?" I spin around. I recognize him immediately but pretend that I have no idea who he is. "Hi," I say. Blondie is looking at my with a skeptical eye. I shoot a Fudge, this is awkward. Get me outta here look right back at her. "I believe we met on match," he says to me. Don't "I believe" me, Mister. You know my name! You very well know where we met. "Ohhhhhh..." I say, still shooting sideways glances at Blondie. Please save me. "What's your name?" I ask. Of course, I know his name. I think. "Winky McWhatGives" he responds. Duh. Of course it is.
Now let's rewind for a second. You all remember Winky McWhatGives, don't you? How could you forget? And let's say you have forgotten - I think then it's time you scroll through the archives and find the post entitled "What Gives" and you shall discover why the last thing I EVER wanted to do in my life EVER... was run into this guy in Starbucks.
"What are you doing here," he asks? "Oh, my friend, Blondie, and I are going to see a movie. You?" "Me, too! I am going to see 'Hall Pass.'" Yep. How did I know? Please don't ask if you can sit with us. Please don't ask if you can sit with us. He does not ask to sit with us, but he does continue to shoot the shit as he looks me up and down with hungry eyes (according to Blondie - "Did you SEE the way he was looking at you?"). Ugh. Finally, he asks if he can call me. I cannot reject this guy for, like, a fifth time in the middle of Starbucks when we are about to go sit in the same tiny movie theatre to watch the same lame movie as him. "Sure," I say, clearly with reluctance - clenched teeth and a quivering lip. He cannot sense my reluctance, though, because all he sees is this amazing aura of light around me. I am an angel sent from the heavens and our miraculously running into each other in Starbucks is surely a sign from God that we should be together. It is fate!
Finally, he realizes that I am on a date and he excuses himself to order his coffee. Blondie and I grab our drinks from the barista - why did they take SO LONG to make our drinks? Oh, right, because Blondie had to wait for her decaf coffee to brew. We literally run out of Starbucks. In the theatre, we sit as high up as possible and hide. BTW, this guy is alone. So he is clearly not getting a lot of hits on match.com. Gee, I wonder why? Thankfully, we never see him enter or exit the theatre. We make it out of there safely. *Phew!*
Fast-forward to Sunday night. I receive a phone call at 10pm (side note: do not call me at 10pm on a Sunday night. I am sleeping. Guaranteed). It wakes me up. It is Winky, who leaves a voice message. O.M.G. this guy is clueless. He says, "It was great running into you on Saturday night!" No it wasn't. He asks if we can catch up. I do not call him back. I will not call him back. Why is it the freaks who love me the most? Why? Why? WHY? Seriously, what gives? This vote has already been cast, but in case you need to be reminded: FREAK!
And now for the lightning-speed updates on the rest of my dating life:
1) Okie McDogRescuer never called. WAH! I liked him! Final vote: Bud.
2) MountainBiker McChristian also stopped calling. Aww shucks. But in reality... don't care. And, as it turns out, he is the SAME guy that NicestFriend McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate went on a date with about a year ago! Same thing happened to her! Clearly, this guy is NOT a keeper. And he has no type because McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate and I look nothing alike. Final vote: Dud.
3) Final update - not so lightning speed, though. This deserves a full explanation. So for a second, I was communicating with a new potenty: eHarmony McTayeDiggsLookalike. He was smokin'! We actually met on eHarmony late 2009 (clearly, I have tried them all, people. Multiple times. I never seem to learn my lesson). We went on one date to Starbucks. He was very handsome in person, but he was a flaky mctallguy for sure. At some point early last year, just before I started dating Douchey, he got "busy" and we stopped communicating (which was just texting, btw, because he didn't like talking on the phone. Hello, red flag)! So I get this email on match a week ago and it's from this guy. I could not remember his name. I am very upfront with him and I tell him that I am not looking for a text buddy and that if he is interested in a serious relationship, then he should call me. Oh, and btw, what's your name again? A couple of days later, I get a text from him: "Hey, what's up." Clearly, he did not get the message. In my text back I told him that he needed to ask me out on a date or we were done-zo. So he responds and asks if I would like to come over to his house and "chill." WHAT!? Are you serious? I tell him no, that I want to go on a real date. He is resistant but agrees that maybe we can meet at Rancho for a walk. Ahh... much more my style. We don't end up going on that date, though, because, WTF?, it is snowing in San Jose. Instead, we make plans to schedule something else later. FYI - still no phone call from this guy. I decide to hold out for him, though, because he is incredibly good looking.
So Tuesday afternoon comes around and I get a text from him. He asks me, again, if I want to go to house his and chill. OK, how much clearer can I be? NO! I want to go on a real date! I am angry and pretty much write that word for word. After about an hour of text arguing with him, he writes this: "I'll be upfront and candid... I have no intent of wining and dining anyone until I feel as if they are someone I have a mental and physical connection with and can see myself with."
I am so irritated by this point, so I write back (over a series of text messages): "How do you expect to ever make a connection with someone if you don't go on a date? I was never asking you to buy me fancy dinners. Meeting over coffee or for a drink works just fine. Or even talking to me on the phone. You do realize that there are creeps, rapists, and sex fiends on the internet, right? So when you ask a girl to come over to your house when you don't know her, you are going to come across as one of the above. It's not to say that you are one of the above, but you could be. How do I know? I am protecting myself when I ask to meet you in a public place." This is apparently funny to him because the message I get back says, "LOL." Yeah, I am sure you were laughing out loud.
"Though I get your point," he writes, "a rapist, sex fiend, or stalker is going to be the same person after one date or 100 dates... Look, I am not knocking your reluctance. I invited, you declined, it really isn't that big of a deal." He is right. And I am SO OVER HIM at this point. Even if he was Taye Diggs, I would have sent this same message back: "Ok well it's not going to work for me, so good luck!" And here is the kicker... His response: "K. Just let me know" HA! Now I am totally LOLing! Final vote: Idiot... er, I mean Dud.
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