acute onlinedatingitus: cured!

I'm baaaaaack! That's right, fellow followers, I am officially back from my dating sabatical. There have been a few things that have happened since I last blogged, but I wanted to wait until I was fully rested and recovered from the acute onlinedatingitus that I was suffering from before I posted again. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed the stories that Blondie and HeyTallGirl provided. I was laughing so hard that I was crying (thank God for water proof mascara) while reading HeyTallGirl's most recent post.

So let me just dive right in with the first, incredibly ridiculous story. This happened about three weeks ago - probably the day after I went on hiatus from match.com. It was about 5:30 and I had just left work. I needed to run into Safeway to grab some ingredients for the amazing cheese-lover's mac-n-cheese I was making for my work potluck the next day (it was a HUGE hit, btw), so I stopped at the new Safeway, which is conveniently on my way home from work. This Safeway is freaking awesome. It is gigantic. I have gotten lost in there multiple times.

So on my way to the Safeway, I get a phone call from my good friend, Putzy McPopular. I haven't talked to her in a while, so we're catching up. I, being the law-abiding citizen that I am, am using my earpiece so that I can be hands-free while driving. I pull into the Safeway parking lot and decide to do something I never do... continue my conversation with my earpiece in while shopping. Seriously, I never do this because I think people who talk hands-free while shopping look like idiots. But I decided to do it anyway because Putzy always keeps me thoroughly entertained and who cares if I look like an idiot? I apologize, Oprah.

Anyway, so I run around the store grabbing my ingredients and then head into the self-checkout line. I am fully engaged in my conversation with Putzy when I hear my name called out from afar. I turn slightly to my left, where the sound is coming from, and sure enough, someone did say my name. Holy shitballs, you have got to be kidding me. It's my worst nightmare... again. It is Winky McWhatGives. He starts toward me with the biggest smile on his face. As he is approaching me, I hear him say, "Oh, wow!" (as in, "Can you believe this amazingly wonderful coincidence that has - once again - clearly been a pure act of divine intervention?") I want to throw up. Putzy is still talking, by the way. I have no idea what she is saying and I have no idea what to do about Winky, who is, by this point, gaining on me. I am freaking out, so I do the first thing that comes to my mind. I turn back around so that my earpiece is clearly visible to him. And then I point to it. I see him open his mouth like he wants to say something, but I just continue my conversation with Putzy as if he's not there. I say something like, "Oh, really?" Then, "Hahahaha. That's funny." I sideways glance at Winky and he is slowly passing in front of my, his head hung down in shame.

Let me tell you people... dodged a bullet! A big, shiny FREAK of a bullet! Why do I have to run into this guy everywhere I go? It is not fate! It is the universe playing a cruel trick on me! Let's consider, then, the moral of this story: always wear an earpiece when shopping alone. It will save you from potential awkward conversations with people you have zero interest in talking to, such as dudes whose phone calls you ignored, acquaintances from high school, or an old boss (all people that I have had awkward conversations with in public places in the past).

And now, my dear readers, onto the good stuff! After having not logged on for three weeks, I took a page from Blondie's book and I revamped my match.com profile last week. Instantly, I began to receive positive feedback. Lots of winks and emails. I have even already gone on a date! On Tuesday I met MidTwenties McHatesToHug for Chinese food at a restaurant near my house. Kudos to him for picking something in my town, even though he lives and works farther north. The night I revamped my profile, this guy "chatted" me via match.com's sophisticated instant messaging system. I have never chatted on match before (except for that one time when I was filling in for Putzy the night we set her profile up. Let me tell you - it's much more fun chatting when you're pretending to be someone else). I was literally about to sign off and go to bed when MidTwenties sent me a chat. I checked out his profile and it turns out he's actually pretty good looking, so I thought, Oh what the hell and chatted him back.

We pinged each other back and forth for a few minutes and then I told him that I had to get to bed. Before I logged off, though, he insisted (and I mean INSISTED) that I watch the music video (he IMed me the link) for the new Pitbull song. "I am obsessed with it," he typed. "I can't stop listening to it on repeat." Finally, I obliged.

"OK, I listened," I typed back.

"Isn't it amazing?" he wrote.

"Yeah, it's great!" But to be truthful, I had no opinion about the song whatsoever. Right now, if it's not country, I'm not interested. But I didn't want to hurt his young little feelers. Turns out, my approval of the song was a BIG DEAL. We said good night and the next day I received an email from him asking me out to dinner!

And that brings us to the date. Just before I left for the date, I decided to read through his profile again. Afterall, I want to make sure I don't ask him questions that can easily be answered just by reading his profile. As I was reading, I sent the following text message to Blondie: "Reviewing my date's profile. I have a feeling this is going to be a 'for the sake of the blog' kinda night!" But as it turns out, I was wrong! While the date was not super exciting - it was actually kind of awkward (when I hugged him goodbye, for example, it felt as if he was afraid to touch me. He did the awkward lean and pat, which is what I do when a student tries to hug me) - there were some positives to the date. He was just as cute in person, he was a gentleman and paid for the meal, I was able to express my love for Oprah and he did not freak out, and he asked me out on a second date! I actually wasn't sure if he was going to ask me out or not because when we parted ways outside the restaurant, all he said was, "I had fun!" Ummmm ok...

But, alas, two days later, he sent me a text message asking me out again and then signed off his message with, "It is nice to have something to look forward to on Monday!" Maybe I will just have to ease him into the hugs. Final vote: bud with stud potential

So, I am back on the match.com bandwagon and it feels good. I have a fresh new attitude, I don't feel burnt out or stressed, and I am ready to hit the ground running. I have a date with SportsNut McWineGuy (definite potential here - he seems normal, sweet, athletic, and fun) on Sunday and a couple of other dates in the works - one with Comedian McSanFrancisco (Blondie said, "I think he'll probably annoy you." This is probably true, but what the hell) and another with KindaAverage McOverCommunicator.

Here's a qiuck summary of McOverCommunicator's communications since Saturday, when he first winked at me. This will be a nice preview for you of - Lord help me - what's to come:

1) wink
2) email saying that my profile was the first one that he read and immediately said "Wow"
3) another email: "How's your Sunday going?"
4) phone call
5) a second phone call immediately following
6) an email saying he called (twice)
7) a text message asking why i didn't call back
8) a four-text message explaining that he isn't a stalker, he likes people (that's why he's a social worker), he really likes me (my profile made him smile), and that he hopes I will give him a chance.

Oh, boy. Current Vote: Stalkerazzi