Well I let my match.com subscription expire and so far, no regrets! Seriously folks. I think I have been dealing with match dudes for so long I had forgotten what its like to meet a normal person. The more I think about it, the only thing Match did for me was force me to lower my standards. I was persistently telling myself with every guy “give him a chance,” or “don’t be so judgmental.” Is that REALLY the way you want to feel about somebody you are dating? The pity dynamic is not very conducive to romance. One should be excited about who they are meeting up with for a drink, or curious about who is buying them a latte! My sentiments were generally more aligned with performing community service.
I am going to save the best for last and start by telling you how I have in a matter of a week managed to eliminate three Matchy McLames from my pool of options. The first one I mentioned on my last post, Nursy McTenderHeart. He actually gave me a call which was good, but his phone communication style was just like his email; stream of consciousness with minimal punctuation. Plus I could barely understand him. I was annoying myself with how many times I said “what?” Now please don’t think I am judging him for his casual approach to grammar, but this is simply not a match for how I operate. Top it off with the usage of the terms “homeboy” and “Costa” (aka Costa Rica) and it is clear this Nursy is likely doing more than dispensing the meds. Tenderheart or not, he’s just not man enough for me. So, in the interest of preserving my dating Karma I decided that instead of ignoring his incessant texts, I would kindly let him know that I did not think we are a match. Final vote: bud
Though I have had barely any communication with Beamy McDouche, he deserves a mention only because I want everybody to fully understand the scope of what Teachy and I are dealing with on match. So on my last “paid” day of match (paying the subscription activates the email function; searching, winking and your profile are all still active for free) I decided to take advantage of the last opportunity to beef up my man ranks. I had received a wink from Beamy McDouche and he fit my whitecollar profile to a T. He had even included pictures of himself in front of his BMW to reassure any doubters that he was in fact a McDouche. But he was cute enough, educated, and some people are just car people right? Well I gave him my number and told him my match subscription was expiring so he would have to call me. He (shocker) texted me the next day. We exchanged a few texts before I finally told him I am not into the texting and perhaps we could talk over the weekend. Shocker, he didn’t call, but he texted me on Monday. This guy is clearly a candidate for Mensa as he asked me, “how was the game?” I responded, “game?” as I did not attend any sporting events whatsoever this weekend. His response, “oh, I mixed you up with somebody else.” And if that wasn’t hilarious enough, he later texts me again and ironically asks me, “do you remember who I am?” Well Beamy McDouche, I do now.
And this leads me to Boasty McSelfAbsorbed. I don’t know what possessed me to respond to this guy. He constructed a grammatically correct email and was moderately attractive so, as I mentioned before that is pretty much the extent of my standards these days. He had some self indulgent pics on his profile but I tried to over look those and remain open minded. His first text message was three “texts” long (blackberry) and explained why he wouldn’t in fact be calling me because he was sick. Perfect. So I politely told him I wished him well and gave him my email address which he had asked for. We exchanged a couple of standard emails in which he boasted about his band, all the gigs and places they play and oh yeah by the way he lives in Willow Glen. So I was a little too repulsed to respond but was FORCING myself to not be too judgy. But even Teachy told me he’s not for me and don’t waste my time. Apparently I am a glutton for punishment because he texted me and asked if he could call me tonite and I agreed. He said he would call me at 8:30. Thank you Mr. Exacto, can you send me an outlook invitation too? So he called and the first thing he blurted (really he blurted-it was a violent verbal assault) was “How’s that for punctual?” Sigh….this is going to be painful. He then went into an EXTENSIVE explanation of his symptom progression, diagnosis and treatment phase of strep throat. Are you feeling sparkly? I know I am. So even though he had pretty much sealed his fate from the first word he spoke, I politely engaged with him for about 20 minutes until he ended the conversation without (thank god) asking me out. Oh my god I am exhausted again just typing this. Final vote: Dud.
Now we can get to the good stuff! Cutie McManners (who I am thinking of renaming because he’s so much more than that) and I had our 2nd date last Thursday. He was going out of town and sent me a text saying that he’d like to see me before he leaves and could we do a last minute drink that day. Well, I already had plans with Teachy for a home cooked dinner date but not till later so I told him I could meet him for a bit before my dinner plans. We met at a dive bar between our two offices and had a couple of drinks. It ended up being a good thing I had other plans and had to leave because I could have sat there all night. An hour flew by and I felt relaxed, happy, curious, and started to feel sparkly. Our conversation was natural and I just found him to be so normal and relatable. He isn’t boastful or braggy, but he is clearly accomplished and self assured. I found myself smiling a lot and just enjoying my time with him. His energy was calm and peaceful, but also masculine and powerful. Plus he was even cuter than I remembered! He walked me to my car and kissed me good night (sorry keeping the deets to myself). My biggest challenge with this guy is going to be keeping myself in check. Yes folks, I am in trouble. Current Vote: Stud
