Guest post: ticking clock

By LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian

So I am adding my dating woes to this blog in an effort to emotionally detach myself from my dating disasters. As Teachy has named me, I am LooksLike[Her] McHalfAsian. I really should start this off describing my relationship with LiarLiarPantsOnFire You’reMcMarried, but there is not enough time in the world for that one!

So we will start, instead, with SizeIsNotAlwaysProportionate McTooTall. Ok that was a low blow… pun intended! Though we met through match.com, McTooTall and I had a mutual friend, which actually got the ball rolling for us. I probably would have never let him into my house otherwise, but he seemed nice, cute, and athletic and came with good reviews. I have to admit, I began my relationship with McTooTall while was I still wrapping up the devastation of ending things with LiarLiar. Can we all say “REBOUND!?” I really don’t think McTooTall was too hurt by this. He got what he wanted – a casual, non-assuming, fit-you-in-when-we-can relationship… well, until last summer, that is.

Early July comes around and so does the frightful comment, “I want to have a baby with you!” I know all of you would assume this was coming from the chick, but nope, that was not me! I guess guys have biological clocks, too. My response: “Is this a joke???” Okay, my tact and kindness filter flew out the window there. Who says things like that when you are not in a whole-hearted, committed, loving relationship??? And girls get bad raps for crap like this! Oh yes, McTooTall was dead serious! After many discussions and not being completely sold, he throws in, “You want me to move in here?” I enabled my filter this time, “Ahhh, okay…” Subject dropped! After weeks of, “I hope you are pregnant,” and “I hope I knocked you up last night,” and text messages of “I want to impregnate you tonight.” Dude, I’m still on the PILL! (Side note, at the time my cell phone would verbally read aloud message. A text message like this can be a show stopper while out hiking with not-so-close friends. Some impromptu coughing on my part was needed.) Low and behold, he got his wish, but not by choice on my part. I was off the pill due to a 104-degree temperature and being comatose for 3 days. I had a pretty severe case of strep. I did not move for days and my pill was farthest from my mind. He begged me not to get back on.

More text messages: “Do you love me?”

I learned once… filter! My response, “Can I trust you?”

“YES!”

“Then I guess I could (at some point)…”

Then one day (mind you, he had stood me up the night before on my Mom’s birthday) comes: “Would you marry me?”

Ladies, don’t get excited here, this was not a proposal, this was merely a clarification for future reference. My response, “Ummm, when I’m ready…” Let’s just say this was the beginning of the end. Not that there was really a stable future here; after all I did start this on a rebound.
So McTooTall begins to realize what he is asking of me and flip out at his requests… aaah yeah! Then, I get asked out by another guy, Mc Masseuse (future blog) and McTooTall literally flips a lid. This would be the last time I actually see McTooTall. I soon go on vacation to Zion and Vegas and I know McTooTall and I are done, just not technically.

October 6th… Happy Birthday to me! I had returned from Vegas the night before and since it was my birthday, I thought that it might be nice to see the guy I am supposedly seeing.
Two text messages and one voicemail later, he finally responds via text : “I met someone else; maybe we shouldn’t see each other.”

Me: “When were you planning to tell me?”

Him: “Not sure. Have a happy birthday!”

Needless to say, Vegas did not go to waste. Thank you BlueEyed McTriGuy! Less than two days into my break up diet and I was knocking on McLawyer’s door. (Not to sue TooTall but to get over him [another blog]).

After being together for more than a year, rating him as a dud may be too nice…

That’s alright, because just a few weeks later, I met (and subsequently had my heart broken by) EmotionallyUnavailable McSurfer. This one is still a very fresh wound (a much, much later blog). And just for clarification, McSurfer was not a rebound… but the next guy will be!

Final vote: dud


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