Waste of make up

After a couple weeks of maction (match.com action), my winking, emailing and profile stalking finally manifested into an actual date last night. Proffy McAkward initially showed real promise; he was a lawyer, well read, and came across as a total tender-hearted sweetie in his profile. He was undeterred by the fact that I accidentally emailed him from Hottie McAsian's profile (rookie mistake). However, I started to have doubts (that TeachyMcTallgirl pointed out should really be concerns) as things played out.

He emailed me on Wednesday to ask me out for Thursday, stating he would call that night. Well, 10PM rolls around and no call yet. I was trying very hard not to care, but it is impossible to be told, "I will call you tonite," as a single girl and not get your hopes up that somebody might actually want to speak with you. So eventually he does send me a text around 10:15 indicating that he was too exhausted to call me because he had just gotten home from yoga. Hmmm I think to myself as I read this bizarre text. Was this Bikhram yoga perhaps? It was difficult for me to empathize, but I was determined to go out on a date so I ignored my vaginal instincts.

I responded and indicated that I was open for the drink he had proposed. He texted me Thursday morning with a suggestion of a place to meet, to which I agreed. He then proceeded to tell me via text that he would be the old, bald, fat guy at the bar. Hmmmm. Puzzled again, but I suppose he was trying to be funny? The subtleties of sarcasm did not translate over text message. As I relayed the details of these interactions with Teachy, my vaginal instincts went into overdrive. If this is how he is choosing to interact with me BEFORE I even meet him, and this is his "first impression," what can I expect from this guy down the road? I predicted a frustrating series of un-returned phone calls and unrealized plans. Teachy's wise words snapped me back to reality and I had a premonition. This guy is going to be late for our date. And guess what. He was late.

He was kind enough to text me and let me know he would be 10 minutes late, which would have been reasonable had he not truly been 20 minutes late. Upon arrival he did not explain why he was late or apologize. Not wanting to be rude but really curious as to how he could be late at 8:30 on a Thursday, I asked where he had come from. Answer, a mixer in San Jose. Again, not my choice for first impressions to schedule a date AFTER a mixer in a city 30 miles away. But who am I to judge? So our date ensued.

Teachy had warned me that this guy was probably a socially awkward geek, and she was right. While his face was actually very handsome, his mannerisms were fidgety and distracting. He projected the vibe of a 12 year old and apparently had the lifestyle to match. Throughout the evening he revealed to me that not only is he currently living in a hotel (no I am not making this up) he has lately gotten into the habit of sleeping until 10AM. Our conversation actually kept me entertained but not because of his engaging personality, but because I was fascinated by this spectacle of a man. By the end, I was exhausted as being fake nice to people takes a lot of energy. Particularly since all I wanted to do was get out of there and watch Jersey Shore. Had he not been late, I might have gotten home by 10PM.

When I woke up this morning I decided not to let good make up go to waste so I skipped a shower and wore last night's face to work. So I guess you might say, I got my 20 minutes back. Final vote: Dud

The hottest thing on match.com?

That would be Hottie McAsian, our fake match.com profile. It has now been one week since Hottie's profile has been active and she has... drum roll please... 52 new emails and 105 winks! Wha? Huh? What did you say? Yeah, exactly. I don't even know what to make of this, but I am pretty sure that every man in the greater bay area - between the ages of 18 and 50 - has either winked or emailed her. Damn, girl. You are smokin'!