Oh man, I've got a LOT to write about. So let's start from the beginning.
Update #1:
I was having a really nice, chill date with Blondie McSmartyPants on Friday night. We went to Falalfel's Drive-In and enjoyed the most delectable dinner. Then, we watched "I Used to Be Fat" (while eating falafels, dolmas, and French fries. We had both finished our milkshakes on the drive home), and gushed over how handsome the previously fat teenager looked after his weight loss. OMG, seriously, he was SO HANDSOME!
So, things were going great until just a few minutes before Blondie left. I received a text message from... wait for it... Ballsy McIndian. Dude is relentless! He sent me a message letting me know that he was free to meet either Sunday or next week. I texted him back telling him I was free to meet NEVER. OK, I wasn't that mean, but I had to just nip things in the bud. I never was and never will be interested in Ballsy. That is the bottom line. So I texted him to tell him that I didn't think it was going to work out.
This started a long chain of textuments (text arguments) back and forth between ballsy and I. Now, some of you might say, "Dude, why did you even respond?" And the answer to that, my friends, is that I am incapable of losing an argument to idiots. So, I had no choice but to continuously respond to Ballsy until he finally got the point. He responded to my rejection by asking for some "constructive feedback." OK, because this is totally a business transaction, right? So, I told him (for constructive feedback purposes): 1) his obsession with my height was creepy, and (for reasons why I cannot go out on a date with him, which was really just me being nice and trying to throw some sort of excuse out there): 2) I am busy.
Oh man, Ballsy could not let it go (but then again, neither could I). He texted me back a multi-text response, which came broken up and out of order. Something about accepting the constructive feedback, trying to explain his creepy obsession with my height (it was an ice breaker. Umm, ok whatever), and then offering some unsolicited feedback for me, to which I responded: "I don't remember ever asking you for feedback." This got him fired up! His response left me laughing. I believe it said, "I am sorry if my feedback hurt you." HA! OK, buddy. By this time, btw, it was nearing midnight and all I wanted to do was go to bed. My last two text messages to him pretty much said it all: "Get over it" and "Please stop harassing me". It was a serious war of words. And I won. Duh. After I received a final text message from him, which did not warrant a response, I deleted all of the text messages as well as his contact information from my phone. Hands washed clean.
Well, guess what, people... it doesn't end there! Yesterday morning, I received a text from him: "Dont want to disturb you. Just wanted to say sorry for the exchange on friday." This poor soul was clearly torn up all weekend. I, on the other hand, did not think about it at all. In fact, I forgot it even happened. So, I am not sure what that says about me, except what we already know. It does not need to be said. And yes, it rhymes with witch. Ugh. Final vote: dud, with a side of freak!
Update #2:
Let me preface this by saying that I am nervous about writing this particular post because I don't want to jinx anything... but, here goes. Saturday night I had my second date with VolleyBall McBulgarian. We had discussed on our previous date that we didn't want to just do another dinner, but something more interactive, so we decided on bowling. He picked a bowling alley near his 'hood, which was nice (it was great, actually, as it minimized the chance of me running into someone I know, especially a student. Can you say, awkward?).
When we got to the bowling alley at 8pm, the League bowlers were still wrapping up, so we had to wait 45 minutes before we could get a lane. He asked if I had eaten yet (I had, duh - it was 8pm - but I told him I'd have a beer while he ate), so we headed to the Round Table across the parking lot. We talked about being nervous on dates, writing, and shopping at Target (he asked me where I got my boots. Where do you think? I asked him where he got his shirt. He shops at Target, too!) It was, really, a riveting conversation.
When he finished his pizza, we headed back to the bowling alley and bowled three games. I am really a terrible bowler. I mean TERRIBLE! And no matter how much I try to improve my technique, I will always suck. He beat me in all three games (I have to say, not by much, though) and I told him, of course, that I let him win. :)
When our games were over, we finished our beers and then headed outside. It was pretty obvious that neither one of us wanted the date to end. I hugged him and he went in for the kiss. SCORE! We then proceeded to talk, while wrapped in an embrace, outside of the bowling alley for another 45 minutes. This was awkward for me because I am not a publicly affectionate person. He, however, did not seem to mind. So I pushed my awkwardness aside, because despite the fact that I was so overly aware of each and every person who walked by, standing there in his arms felt really nice. We eventually decided we should go home and after a quick kiss, we ran in opposite directions out of the rain and to our cars. I felt so sparkly at the end of the date, I could not stop smiling, and I now I am sitting here thinking about how I can't wait to see him again. I don't know what you're thinking, but the experts tell me that this is a good sign.
We have Date #3 scheduled for Wednesday night. Is this the stud I've been waiting for? We shall see... Current vote: stud!
Update #3:
So I was hanging out with my friend LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian, who is also on match.com. We were browsing through her emails when I noticed that there was one guy who looked familiar. "Hey! That guy emailed me, too!" I said. We laughed and decided, "Duh," because LooksLikeMe is pretty much the half-Asian version of me. We are nearly the same height, dark hair, dark skin, and pretty much the same build. She is on my triathlon team and people confuse us all the time. It is no surprise that there are men out there who might find not one, but both of us attractive.
So the day goes on and LooksLikeMe and I head over to Blondie's house for dinner. In the middle of dinner, I receive a phone call from an unprogrammed number (honestly, this could be anyone. I have given my number out to so many dudes since I joined match.com, I can no longer keep track). I listen to the voicemail and I realize it is from Mr. McClearlyHasATypeAndItsUs. "OMG!" I say! "LooksLikeMe! You gotta email this guy back." So she pulls up her phone and sends him the following message: "Hi, I am having dinner with my friend Teachy, who is also on match, and who you just called. She says she'll call you back tomorrow."
Oh... snap! We all got a good laugh out of that one, but we are not quite sure if he got it (he does not appear to be the sharpest tool in the shed), as he wrote back: "Oh, sorry. Enjoy your dinner." And this is what happens when you and every single person you know joins match.com. Sorry Mr., but I ain't calling you back. Final vote: dud
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Waste of make up
After a couple weeks of maction (match.com action), my winking, emailing and profile stalking finally manifested into an actual date last night. Proffy McAkward initially showed real promise; he was a lawyer, well read, and came across as a total tender-hearted sweetie in his profile. He was undeterred by the fact that I accidentally emailed him from Hottie McAsian's profile (rookie mistake). However, I started to have doubts (that TeachyMcTallgirl pointed out should really be concerns) as things played out.
He emailed me on Wednesday to ask me out for Thursday, stating he would call that night. Well, 10PM rolls around and no call yet. I was trying very hard not to care, but it is impossible to be told, "I will call you tonite," as a single girl and not get your hopes up that somebody might actually want to speak with you. So eventually he does send me a text around 10:15 indicating that he was too exhausted to call me because he had just gotten home from yoga. Hmmm I think to myself as I read this bizarre text. Was this Bikhram yoga perhaps? It was difficult for me to empathize, but I was determined to go out on a date so I ignored my vaginal instincts.
I responded and indicated that I was open for the drink he had proposed. He texted me Thursday morning with a suggestion of a place to meet, to which I agreed. He then proceeded to tell me via text that he would be the old, bald, fat guy at the bar. Hmmmm. Puzzled again, but I suppose he was trying to be funny? The subtleties of sarcasm did not translate over text message. As I relayed the details of these interactions with Teachy, my vaginal instincts went into overdrive. If this is how he is choosing to interact with me BEFORE I even meet him, and this is his "first impression," what can I expect from this guy down the road? I predicted a frustrating series of un-returned phone calls and unrealized plans. Teachy's wise words snapped me back to reality and I had a premonition. This guy is going to be late for our date. And guess what. He was late.
He was kind enough to text me and let me know he would be 10 minutes late, which would have been reasonable had he not truly been 20 minutes late. Upon arrival he did not explain why he was late or apologize. Not wanting to be rude but really curious as to how he could be late at 8:30 on a Thursday, I asked where he had come from. Answer, a mixer in San Jose. Again, not my choice for first impressions to schedule a date AFTER a mixer in a city 30 miles away. But who am I to judge? So our date ensued.
Teachy had warned me that this guy was probably a socially awkward geek, and she was right. While his face was actually very handsome, his mannerisms were fidgety and distracting. He projected the vibe of a 12 year old and apparently had the lifestyle to match. Throughout the evening he revealed to me that not only is he currently living in a hotel (no I am not making this up) he has lately gotten into the habit of sleeping until 10AM. Our conversation actually kept me entertained but not because of his engaging personality, but because I was fascinated by this spectacle of a man. By the end, I was exhausted as being fake nice to people takes a lot of energy. Particularly since all I wanted to do was get out of there and watch Jersey Shore. Had he not been late, I might have gotten home by 10PM.
When I woke up this morning I decided not to let good make up go to waste so I skipped a shower and wore last night's face to work. So I guess you might say, I got my 20 minutes back. Final vote: Dud
He emailed me on Wednesday to ask me out for Thursday, stating he would call that night. Well, 10PM rolls around and no call yet. I was trying very hard not to care, but it is impossible to be told, "I will call you tonite," as a single girl and not get your hopes up that somebody might actually want to speak with you. So eventually he does send me a text around 10:15 indicating that he was too exhausted to call me because he had just gotten home from yoga. Hmmm I think to myself as I read this bizarre text. Was this Bikhram yoga perhaps? It was difficult for me to empathize, but I was determined to go out on a date so I ignored my vaginal instincts.
I responded and indicated that I was open for the drink he had proposed. He texted me Thursday morning with a suggestion of a place to meet, to which I agreed. He then proceeded to tell me via text that he would be the old, bald, fat guy at the bar. Hmmmm. Puzzled again, but I suppose he was trying to be funny? The subtleties of sarcasm did not translate over text message. As I relayed the details of these interactions with Teachy, my vaginal instincts went into overdrive. If this is how he is choosing to interact with me BEFORE I even meet him, and this is his "first impression," what can I expect from this guy down the road? I predicted a frustrating series of un-returned phone calls and unrealized plans. Teachy's wise words snapped me back to reality and I had a premonition. This guy is going to be late for our date. And guess what. He was late.
He was kind enough to text me and let me know he would be 10 minutes late, which would have been reasonable had he not truly been 20 minutes late. Upon arrival he did not explain why he was late or apologize. Not wanting to be rude but really curious as to how he could be late at 8:30 on a Thursday, I asked where he had come from. Answer, a mixer in San Jose. Again, not my choice for first impressions to schedule a date AFTER a mixer in a city 30 miles away. But who am I to judge? So our date ensued.
Teachy had warned me that this guy was probably a socially awkward geek, and she was right. While his face was actually very handsome, his mannerisms were fidgety and distracting. He projected the vibe of a 12 year old and apparently had the lifestyle to match. Throughout the evening he revealed to me that not only is he currently living in a hotel (no I am not making this up) he has lately gotten into the habit of sleeping until 10AM. Our conversation actually kept me entertained but not because of his engaging personality, but because I was fascinated by this spectacle of a man. By the end, I was exhausted as being fake nice to people takes a lot of energy. Particularly since all I wanted to do was get out of there and watch Jersey Shore. Had he not been late, I might have gotten home by 10PM.
When I woke up this morning I decided not to let good make up go to waste so I skipped a shower and wore last night's face to work. So I guess you might say, I got my 20 minutes back. Final vote: Dud
Thursday, January 27, 2011
I don't need a man!
I've got a date with Blondie McSmartyPants tomorrow night. We're going to the Falafel Drive-In for some falafels and banana shakes. Then, we're going to plan our trip to Austin, which we're taking during my Winter Break in February.
In the past year, I've had more romanty dates and vacays with Blondie than any dude. Last year we went to San Diego for a Valentine's Day Weekend roadtrip. Valentine's Day was actually freakishly warm - it was 86 degrees in the San Diegs - so we went to Coronado Beach, read Us Weekly, laid out in the sun, and ate California burritos for lunch. It was pretty romantic.
Over the summer, we went on a super romanty vacay to Jamaica. We stayed at a couple's resort and rubbed sunscreen on each other's backs on a daily basis. I compromised my love of Vitamin D and sat in the shade with Blondie (she does not tan as well as I do) every day by the pool. She compromised her fear of Jamaican men and allowed one to put his arms around her during our one and only "drunk night," which consisted of us hanging out at the "Sports Bar" (a.k.a. a tiny room on the second floor of the resort lobby with a popcorn machine, some stale chips and a globby goo that was being passed as cheese - otherwise known as "nachos") and drinking flourescent cocktail after flourescent cocktail, which were specially made for us by our Jamaican boyfriends... er, I mean bartenders. We made friends with other nice couples, went on a snorkeling day trip, and we went kayaking together in the bay. It really was lovely.
We have also been on a number of dinner dates together - I cook for her, she cooks for me, we order pizza, we enjoy a candlelit dinner at a local restaurant, we go out for a drink and stare lovingly into each other's eyes. We watch "The Bachelor" and "Teen Mom" and "I Used to be Fat" and "Heavy" (we really love shows about fat people) and "American Idol" together, we pretend to be super sports fans together, and we create fake super hot match.com profiles together. It's the best love story you've ever heard.
And that is pretty much why I cannot WAIT for our date tomorrow night. This our 1,457th date. It's not awkward, there is no lame small talk, I already know all about her siblings and where she grew up (I grew up there, too!), I am never nervous, I know exactly what she looks like, I know what to expect, and... most important, she always tells me I look pretty. Man, I am one lucky girl! Final vote: double stud all the way across the sky!
In the past year, I've had more romanty dates and vacays with Blondie than any dude. Last year we went to San Diego for a Valentine's Day Weekend roadtrip. Valentine's Day was actually freakishly warm - it was 86 degrees in the San Diegs - so we went to Coronado Beach, read Us Weekly, laid out in the sun, and ate California burritos for lunch. It was pretty romantic.
Over the summer, we went on a super romanty vacay to Jamaica. We stayed at a couple's resort and rubbed sunscreen on each other's backs on a daily basis. I compromised my love of Vitamin D and sat in the shade with Blondie (she does not tan as well as I do) every day by the pool. She compromised her fear of Jamaican men and allowed one to put his arms around her during our one and only "drunk night," which consisted of us hanging out at the "Sports Bar" (a.k.a. a tiny room on the second floor of the resort lobby with a popcorn machine, some stale chips and a globby goo that was being passed as cheese - otherwise known as "nachos") and drinking flourescent cocktail after flourescent cocktail, which were specially made for us by our Jamaican boyfriends... er, I mean bartenders. We made friends with other nice couples, went on a snorkeling day trip, and we went kayaking together in the bay. It really was lovely.
We have also been on a number of dinner dates together - I cook for her, she cooks for me, we order pizza, we enjoy a candlelit dinner at a local restaurant, we go out for a drink and stare lovingly into each other's eyes. We watch "The Bachelor" and "Teen Mom" and "I Used to be Fat" and "Heavy" (we really love shows about fat people) and "American Idol" together, we pretend to be super sports fans together, and we create fake super hot match.com profiles together. It's the best love story you've ever heard.
And that is pretty much why I cannot WAIT for our date tomorrow night. This our 1,457th date. It's not awkward, there is no lame small talk, I already know all about her siblings and where she grew up (I grew up there, too!), I am never nervous, I know exactly what she looks like, I know what to expect, and... most important, she always tells me I look pretty. Man, I am one lucky girl! Final vote: double stud all the way across the sky!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
"Will get you to wear heels next time to compensate" Eew, no you won't!
Four updates for your reading pleasure:
1) Monday night I had dinner with my ex, Youngster McFriendlyGiant. This was not, as Blondie wanted it to be, a date where he confessed that he was still in love with me and wanted to get back together. Thank God, because that would have been awkward. Instead, it was two old friends getting together and catching up. We had a really nice time. No vote necessary, as this guy has been and always will be a bud.
2) Last night, as you know (and I'm sure have been anticipating), I was supposed to meet Ballsy McIndian for coffee. However, as the day progressed, my anxiety about having to go and meet this guy steadily increased. I got cold feet. So after consulting with both Blondie and HeyTallGirl, I came to the conclusion that the best option, in this instance, was to cancel the date. I played around with a number of different ways to cancel, but decided that just keeping it short and sweet would be the best way to deal with this.
I know some of you are disappointed that I didn't meet Ballsy for coffee "for the sake of the blog," but I just couldn't do it. Honestly, what would be the point? It would have been a big waste of my time and I couldn't bare to do that - waste my time. I just don't have enough of it. And you will see, by reading the text below, that I actually dodged a big shiny bullet by canceling on that date.
Yep, that's THREE separate text messages you see there, including one that clearly reinforces his tall girl fetish. Oh boy. It is official, this guy is a total, major, absolute FREAK!
3) Speedy McSwede called me on Monday night while I was out with Youngster. He didn't leave a message, so I called him back on my way home. We chatted for a few minutes ("How was your day." "Terrible." Wow, Debbie Downer much, Mr. McSwede? I jokingly wanted to say, "Could anything else go wrong?"). Finally, he got to the point and asked me out on a second date. After that Ey-ore conversation we'd just had, I considered saying "No thanks" but thought I should maybe give him another chance. And since my schedule is so packed this week, our only option was Sunday. So, Sunday will be date #2 with Speedy McSwede. Should be a rip-roarin' good time!
4) Also while I was out with Youngster, I got a call from another potenty who lives in SF. His name, for lack of creative inspiration, will be LovesFood McSanFrancisco. So far, our email interactions have been about restaurants we love and the Giants winning the World Series. Not bad. I had some doubts about him after listening to his gravelly "uh"-laden voicemail message, but after playing it for Blondie and my friend, NicestFriend McChurchGirl-Granola, they both decided I was being overly critical and that he actually didn't sound "slow" ("It sounds like he is getting over a cold," NicestFriend said. Of course, because she is so nice), as I initially classified him. So, I called him back (one full day later) and we made tentative plans to go to a restaurant he recommended in San Francisco this weekend. I need to call him back on Thursday to confirm. Can someone PLEASE remind me!?
All in all, things have slowed down a bit on Match. We'll see how things play out with all of my aforementioned McDudes (including Mr. McBulgaria who hasn't called me yet this week). And if nothing pans out, I'll get to winking again...
1) Monday night I had dinner with my ex, Youngster McFriendlyGiant. This was not, as Blondie wanted it to be, a date where he confessed that he was still in love with me and wanted to get back together. Thank God, because that would have been awkward. Instead, it was two old friends getting together and catching up. We had a really nice time. No vote necessary, as this guy has been and always will be a bud.
2) Last night, as you know (and I'm sure have been anticipating), I was supposed to meet Ballsy McIndian for coffee. However, as the day progressed, my anxiety about having to go and meet this guy steadily increased. I got cold feet. So after consulting with both Blondie and HeyTallGirl, I came to the conclusion that the best option, in this instance, was to cancel the date. I played around with a number of different ways to cancel, but decided that just keeping it short and sweet would be the best way to deal with this.
I know some of you are disappointed that I didn't meet Ballsy for coffee "for the sake of the blog," but I just couldn't do it. Honestly, what would be the point? It would have been a big waste of my time and I couldn't bare to do that - waste my time. I just don't have enough of it. And you will see, by reading the text below, that I actually dodged a big shiny bullet by canceling on that date.
Yep, that's THREE separate text messages you see there, including one that clearly reinforces his tall girl fetish. Oh boy. It is official, this guy is a total, major, absolute FREAK!
3) Speedy McSwede called me on Monday night while I was out with Youngster. He didn't leave a message, so I called him back on my way home. We chatted for a few minutes ("How was your day." "Terrible." Wow, Debbie Downer much, Mr. McSwede? I jokingly wanted to say, "Could anything else go wrong?"). Finally, he got to the point and asked me out on a second date. After that Ey-ore conversation we'd just had, I considered saying "No thanks" but thought I should maybe give him another chance. And since my schedule is so packed this week, our only option was Sunday. So, Sunday will be date #2 with Speedy McSwede. Should be a rip-roarin' good time!
4) Also while I was out with Youngster, I got a call from another potenty who lives in SF. His name, for lack of creative inspiration, will be LovesFood McSanFrancisco. So far, our email interactions have been about restaurants we love and the Giants winning the World Series. Not bad. I had some doubts about him after listening to his gravelly "uh"-laden voicemail message, but after playing it for Blondie and my friend, NicestFriend McChurchGirl-Granola, they both decided I was being overly critical and that he actually didn't sound "slow" ("It sounds like he is getting over a cold," NicestFriend said. Of course, because she is so nice), as I initially classified him. So, I called him back (one full day later) and we made tentative plans to go to a restaurant he recommended in San Francisco this weekend. I need to call him back on Thursday to confirm. Can someone PLEASE remind me!?
All in all, things have slowed down a bit on Match. We'll see how things play out with all of my aforementioned McDudes (including Mr. McBulgaria who hasn't called me yet this week). And if nothing pans out, I'll get to winking again...
What gives?
Today, I received an email from Winky McWhatGives. This one's a doozy. A week or so ago, he winked at me. His profile looked interesting and he seemed like an OK guy, so I winked back. As per basic match.com etiquette, if you wink and then the person winks back, the ball is back in your court and it's your responsibility to make the next move.
In this instance, the next logical move is to send an email that says "hi" and asks a few questions, such as "What do you do for fun?" OR "I noticed you like to travel. Where's the last place you traveled?" You see, these are just suggestions, but the questions or comments you can make about someone's profile are endless.
Well, rather than send an email asking me one or more of above-listed questions, Winky waited about a week, viewed my profile multiple times, and then sent me the following message this morning:
*Shakes head in disbelief* WHAT? Who is this guy? First of all, "what gives"??? Secondly, "after all the winking"?? REALLY? There were two winks exchanged in total!
Now, there are two things I could have done with this email: 1) I could have ignored it and lived happily for the rest of my life; or 2) I could have sent him an email back putting him in his place.
What do YOU think I chose to do?
Yes, you are right. Here is the email I sent back (within minutes and via my iPhone, btw. I was fired up!):
Hi,
First, with "all the winking" are you referring to the one wink you sent me and the one wink I sent back? That's only two winks, which hardly implies a vigorous back-and-forth exchange of winks.
Second, why couldn't you just send me an email to start the process of communication rather than sending me this message, which sounds angry and bitter and which also gives the impression that I owe you something, which I clearly don't. You know what would have been nice? A simple email where you ask me some questions about things I enjoy doing or something from my profile that sparked your interest.
Finally, sending a message with the subject "What gives?" and then blaming me for the lack of communication isn't the best way to lure a girl in. So in the future, if you find a girl that you think you want to "exchange words" with, my advice would be to send her an email complimenting her, not telling her she's done something wrong.
Oops. I guess I was REALLY high up on my horse there. But come on, I couldn't just sit back and let this one slide. I mean, I know that many dudes are on match.com for this very reason - because they honestly just do not know how to communicate with women - but I figured I could take this as an opportunity for a teaching moment. He needed to be served. And he was.
But, here is what I was NOT expecting ...... to get an email back from him .... within 10 minutes of sending my email ......... that said this:
ahhh.... so that is the way I sounded :-( .... sorry it comes across that way.
I'm hardly upset ...... just trying to be persistent and silly/ goofy (ofcourse I know we have not been winking vigorously).
... A girl who is tall, very cute, can be goofy, humorous ... is especially interesting to me.
Even if I do not meet your dating "criteria", you seem like you will be a fun friend to hang out with.
I wish my composure and decorum didn't go out the window when I find someone I like online (like now)
by the way, the "peace sign" underwater... totally cool :-)
also I see you like John Grisham, have you ever read any Sidney Sheldon novels? His "Rage of Angels" or "Other Side of Midnight" are both truly amazing!
I love beaches, lakes, too.... aside from Santa Cruz, where else have you liked in the area?
oh bt w, I like the way you broke your paragraphs out into first, second, and finally... nice structure there :-)
Though my unstructured email might not indicate this, but in my spare time, I advise people about admission essay writing (and usually advocate for a good paragraph structure as well)
Now let's break this down piece by piece in order to get a real understanding of what's going on here: First (clearly, I love making lists), please proofread before sending emails. No one likes to receive a sloppy message in their inbox. Second, why so many ellipses? I just ....... don't .... understand. Next, you're complimenting me on the structure of my bitchy email? Oh man, I don't even know what to do with this one. Finally, are you also an advocate for proper punctuation and verb tenses? Because it doesn't really seem like it based on this email. Oh, and P.S. I am the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet. ~Natty Sweetheart.
So, obviously, I have not responded yet. I cannot even think of what to say (other than what's written above). But, Blondie says that "for the sake of the blog" I should continue communication with him and even potentially go out on a date! No promises yet, but it's definitely a possibility...
Current vote: freak! (there are so many freaks out there, we might have to change the name of the blog).
In this instance, the next logical move is to send an email that says "hi" and asks a few questions, such as "What do you do for fun?" OR "I noticed you like to travel. Where's the last place you traveled?" You see, these are just suggestions, but the questions or comments you can make about someone's profile are endless.
Well, rather than send an email asking me one or more of above-listed questions, Winky waited about a week, viewed my profile multiple times, and then sent me the following message this morning:
*Shakes head in disbelief* WHAT? Who is this guy? First of all, "what gives"??? Secondly, "after all the winking"?? REALLY? There were two winks exchanged in total!
Now, there are two things I could have done with this email: 1) I could have ignored it and lived happily for the rest of my life; or 2) I could have sent him an email back putting him in his place.
What do YOU think I chose to do?
Yes, you are right. Here is the email I sent back (within minutes and via my iPhone, btw. I was fired up!):
Hi,
First, with "all the winking" are you referring to the one wink you sent me and the one wink I sent back? That's only two winks, which hardly implies a vigorous back-and-forth exchange of winks.
Second, why couldn't you just send me an email to start the process of communication rather than sending me this message, which sounds angry and bitter and which also gives the impression that I owe you something, which I clearly don't. You know what would have been nice? A simple email where you ask me some questions about things I enjoy doing or something from my profile that sparked your interest.
Finally, sending a message with the subject "What gives?" and then blaming me for the lack of communication isn't the best way to lure a girl in. So in the future, if you find a girl that you think you want to "exchange words" with, my advice would be to send her an email complimenting her, not telling her she's done something wrong.
Oops. I guess I was REALLY high up on my horse there. But come on, I couldn't just sit back and let this one slide. I mean, I know that many dudes are on match.com for this very reason - because they honestly just do not know how to communicate with women - but I figured I could take this as an opportunity for a teaching moment. He needed to be served. And he was.
But, here is what I was NOT expecting ...... to get an email back from him .... within 10 minutes of sending my email ......... that said this:
ahhh.... so that is the way I sounded :-( .... sorry it comes across that way.
I'm hardly upset ...... just trying to be persistent and silly/ goofy (ofcourse I know we have not been winking vigorously).
... A girl who is tall, very cute, can be goofy, humorous ... is especially interesting to me.
Even if I do not meet your dating "criteria", you seem like you will be a fun friend to hang out with.
I wish my composure and decorum didn't go out the window when I find someone I like online (like now)
by the way, the "peace sign" underwater... totally cool :-)
also I see you like John Grisham, have you ever read any Sidney Sheldon novels? His "Rage of Angels" or "Other Side of Midnight" are both truly amazing!
I love beaches, lakes, too.... aside from Santa Cruz, where else have you liked in the area?
oh bt w, I like the way you broke your paragraphs out into first, second, and finally... nice structure there :-)
Though my unstructured email might not indicate this, but in my spare time, I advise people about admission essay writing (and usually advocate for a good paragraph structure as well)
Now let's break this down piece by piece in order to get a real understanding of what's going on here: First (clearly, I love making lists), please proofread before sending emails. No one likes to receive a sloppy message in their inbox. Second, why so many ellipses? I just ....... don't .... understand. Next, you're complimenting me on the structure of my bitchy email? Oh man, I don't even know what to do with this one. Finally, are you also an advocate for proper punctuation and verb tenses? Because it doesn't really seem like it based on this email. Oh, and P.S. I am the sweetest bitch you'll ever meet. ~Natty Sweetheart.
So, obviously, I have not responded yet. I cannot even think of what to say (other than what's written above). But, Blondie says that "for the sake of the blog" I should continue communication with him and even potentially go out on a date! No promises yet, but it's definitely a possibility...
Current vote: freak! (there are so many freaks out there, we might have to change the name of the blog).
Monday, January 24, 2011
No, he's not a Viking
OK, I had two dates this weekend. The first was on Friday night and it was with Speedy McSwedester. All in all, this was an OK date. It was neither spectacular nor terrible. As per pretty much all of my dates, Speedy was a nice guy. My free dinner count went up another notch (Thank you Mr. McGentleman), which I really appreciate, but other than the fact that he was nice to look at and his Swedish accent sometimes caused him to mis-pronounce words (which I giggled at in my head each time he said them), there wasn't much else super interesting going on with Speedy. Of course, my friends have had fun making fun of me for going out with "a Viking" as they like to refer to him. "How was your date with Sven?" (not his name), my roommate, Triathlete McHouseHusband asked me. "How's Olaf?"(also not his name), was one I got from my other roommate - Skinny McBride-to-Be's dad (who is in town visiting for a couple of weeks). So, to spare you the trouble of even asking, the answer, people, is NO - we did not go to Ikea and have Swedish meatballs for dinner. And, NO - he wasn't listening to Bjork in his car. And, NO - he's not a Norseman.
Instead of Ikea (which, btw, of course I asked him if he frequents, and he says he DOES go there sometimes for the pickled Herring. Eeew), we actually met at a wine bar in Downtown Mountain View. We each enjoyed a flight of wine and some hummus, which he paid for with a Yelp! coupon (!!!), and this - I have to say - is actually something I really liked about the guy. A frugal man is a man after my own heart. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to get dinner. Who am I to turn down dinner? Of course I said yes! We went to a Chinese restaurant across the street, which he was super excited about because he had spent some time in China. In my opinion, he was just a little obsessed with Chinese food. He got these big bug eyes when he was looking at the menu and he was practically salivating all over the table. But, to each his own. We ordered TONS of food and I ate WAY TOO MUCH (I paid for it the next morning), but it was super delicious. And, dinner was on him. Score!
So, on our date, I learned that he just moved here from Sweden in September and this is his first time living anywhere other than Sweden. That sounds like a pretty big move, right? Well, when I asked him if it was hard for him to leave his friends and family, he said, "Would it be bad if I said, 'No.'" I laughed uncomfortably and said, "Of course not!" But that is a lie! Yes, it's bad, you cold-hearted abandoner! And that's when I knew it wouldn't work. Blondie McSmartyPants told me once that she read in one of her ever-growing collection of dating advice books that the reason a guy doesn't call you back is often not the reason you think (he's not attracted to you, he had a terrible time on the date), but it's actually more often based on something you said that didn't click or resonate with him or made him go, "Hmmmm..." In this case, with Speedy, I think it was this comment about not having a problem leaving his friends and family that made me go, "Hmmmm..." If I up and moved myself to Sweden one day, let me tell you this right now, I would be a DISASTER, crying for years probably, because I missed my friends and family so much. So, between his black heart and awkward, one-word responses to some of my questions ("Do you like red wine?" "Yes." "Are you close with your family?" "No." "Is pickled Herring tasty?" "Yes." Come on dude, throw me a bone here!), my final vote is simply going to have to be: Bud.
Now, last night's date, with VolleyBaller McBulgarian was a much more promising experience. We went to an Indian restaurant in Santa Clara that I recommended ("I know a really good Indian restaurant in Santa Clara" - say that with an Indian accent, please). He had mentioned in his profile that he loved Indian food, so in our email exchanges, we discussed our favorites in the area. He had never been to this one and - as I suspected - he was impressed. I told him that you can always tell it's a good Indian restaurant if there are actually lots of Indian people eating there. We were seriously SURROUNDED by McIndians. Except for one McAfrican who was sitting behind us. So the place was for sure legit.
One judgmental side note: so I could sort of tell from his profile pics that his hair was a little thin on top, but when I saw him in person, I noticed some serious balding action. Thankfully, bald is the new boyfriend and I don't actually care about a dude's hair (unless it is long and stringy. No Allman Brothers wannabes, thank you very much), so that didn't bother me in the slightest. Plus, he rocked it.
Overall, our date was pretty great. But when I attempted to rate my date over the phone last night with Blondie, I at first gave it a B+. I don't know why, except maybe for the fact that I am scared to rate any dates too high because then I run the risk of getting let down later on down the road. She slapped me upside the head through the phone, though, and told me the date should at least be given an A-. And she's right. Here's why: 1) He's cute. 2) He laughed at my jokes. 3) He made me laugh. 4) He's 6'5". Enough said. 5) He profiled me based on my astrological sign (WHAT? I know! That should totally be #1, right? AND, here's the best part. He was right! He was like, "You're a natural leader because you're an Aries." He's a Taurus, btw. In case you were wondering). 6) He paid for dinner (Oh, and here's a tip for you ladies - the best way to guarantee your date will pay for dinner is to get up and go to the bathroom just as or just before the bill comes. This way there is no akwardness and you don't have to take out your wallet and even pretend like you're going to pay! It's genius and works every time). 7) He asked if I wanted to go out again way before our date was even over. 8) He walked me to my car. Awwwww. I like him. We have a second date scheduled for Saturday afternoon. Right now, he's ranking pretty high on the stud-o-meter, but no votes just yet. We'll see how date #2 goes...
Instead of Ikea (which, btw, of course I asked him if he frequents, and he says he DOES go there sometimes for the pickled Herring. Eeew), we actually met at a wine bar in Downtown Mountain View. We each enjoyed a flight of wine and some hummus, which he paid for with a Yelp! coupon (!!!), and this - I have to say - is actually something I really liked about the guy. A frugal man is a man after my own heart. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to get dinner. Who am I to turn down dinner? Of course I said yes! We went to a Chinese restaurant across the street, which he was super excited about because he had spent some time in China. In my opinion, he was just a little obsessed with Chinese food. He got these big bug eyes when he was looking at the menu and he was practically salivating all over the table. But, to each his own. We ordered TONS of food and I ate WAY TOO MUCH (I paid for it the next morning), but it was super delicious. And, dinner was on him. Score!
So, on our date, I learned that he just moved here from Sweden in September and this is his first time living anywhere other than Sweden. That sounds like a pretty big move, right? Well, when I asked him if it was hard for him to leave his friends and family, he said, "Would it be bad if I said, 'No.'" I laughed uncomfortably and said, "Of course not!" But that is a lie! Yes, it's bad, you cold-hearted abandoner! And that's when I knew it wouldn't work. Blondie McSmartyPants told me once that she read in one of her ever-growing collection of dating advice books that the reason a guy doesn't call you back is often not the reason you think (he's not attracted to you, he had a terrible time on the date), but it's actually more often based on something you said that didn't click or resonate with him or made him go, "Hmmmm..." In this case, with Speedy, I think it was this comment about not having a problem leaving his friends and family that made me go, "Hmmmm..." If I up and moved myself to Sweden one day, let me tell you this right now, I would be a DISASTER, crying for years probably, because I missed my friends and family so much. So, between his black heart and awkward, one-word responses to some of my questions ("Do you like red wine?" "Yes." "Are you close with your family?" "No." "Is pickled Herring tasty?" "Yes." Come on dude, throw me a bone here!), my final vote is simply going to have to be: Bud.
Now, last night's date, with VolleyBaller McBulgarian was a much more promising experience. We went to an Indian restaurant in Santa Clara that I recommended ("I know a really good Indian restaurant in Santa Clara" - say that with an Indian accent, please). He had mentioned in his profile that he loved Indian food, so in our email exchanges, we discussed our favorites in the area. He had never been to this one and - as I suspected - he was impressed. I told him that you can always tell it's a good Indian restaurant if there are actually lots of Indian people eating there. We were seriously SURROUNDED by McIndians. Except for one McAfrican who was sitting behind us. So the place was for sure legit.
One judgmental side note: so I could sort of tell from his profile pics that his hair was a little thin on top, but when I saw him in person, I noticed some serious balding action. Thankfully, bald is the new boyfriend and I don't actually care about a dude's hair (unless it is long and stringy. No Allman Brothers wannabes, thank you very much), so that didn't bother me in the slightest. Plus, he rocked it.
Overall, our date was pretty great. But when I attempted to rate my date over the phone last night with Blondie, I at first gave it a B+. I don't know why, except maybe for the fact that I am scared to rate any dates too high because then I run the risk of getting let down later on down the road. She slapped me upside the head through the phone, though, and told me the date should at least be given an A-. And she's right. Here's why: 1) He's cute. 2) He laughed at my jokes. 3) He made me laugh. 4) He's 6'5". Enough said. 5) He profiled me based on my astrological sign (WHAT? I know! That should totally be #1, right? AND, here's the best part. He was right! He was like, "You're a natural leader because you're an Aries." He's a Taurus, btw. In case you were wondering). 6) He paid for dinner (Oh, and here's a tip for you ladies - the best way to guarantee your date will pay for dinner is to get up and go to the bathroom just as or just before the bill comes. This way there is no akwardness and you don't have to take out your wallet and even pretend like you're going to pay! It's genius and works every time). 7) He asked if I wanted to go out again way before our date was even over. 8) He walked me to my car. Awwwww. I like him. We have a second date scheduled for Saturday afternoon. Right now, he's ranking pretty high on the stud-o-meter, but no votes just yet. We'll see how date #2 goes...
Thursday, January 20, 2011
"Date" "Update"
Quick update on Trojan McWannabe. Upon the advice of my friends (I might wanna look into getting new friends!), I finally responded to Trojan McWannabe's emails. Sent him a quick note this morning saying, "Sorry it took me a while to respond. I've been very busy with work (left out the part about me thinking he's a freak) and just haven't had the chance to write." Told him I saw Black Swan last night and asked if he's seen it, stuff like that. He responds within 30 minutes (duh), with an email saying, "No problem. I'm really busy with work too. So glad that you wrote so I can continue to get to know you." I would like to throw it out there that there is NO CHANCE IN HELL that this guy is busy. If you can write 5 personal emails to the same person within 24 hours, you aren't busy. And for the record, he's a manager at Disneyland, whatever that means. As the slogan goes, for the sake of the blog, I'll continue to email this fool and hope to be asked out on a date! Stay posted.
Now, to the real subject at hand. Tonight I went on a date with Bball McVocab. We met for coffee around 6:15pm at the mall. I got to the mall entrance first and saw him walking up. When he got to me, he gave me a hug, and then did the top-to-bottom check-out and told me, "you look wonderful." Uh oh. As I predicted, he liked my size.
We walk through the mall and I caught him looking me up and down a bit (actually a lot) too much. We get in line for our coffees and he's already putting his arms around me. This is where I think there's a cultural breakdown. I would say I speak for most (maybe even all) Americans, when I say that we don't like being touched by strangers. Like dude, you've now touched me more in the past 5 minutes than anyone else in the past 5 days. Gross.
Teachy warned me this could happen (she's been on her fair share of dates with African McLovers) so while he was putting his arm around me, I was literally laughing. Body shakes. Couldn't help it.
We take a seat in the coffee shop and get to talking. His English is decent but pretty heavily accented. He was really nice, asked a lot of questions, has good goals, and I think REALLY REALLY liked me. At one point, he put his hand out over the table to try and hold my hand! Hahahaha! I started laughing and was like, "What are you doing?! I'm not holding your hand!" I don't think he quite understood my extreme aversion to public hand-holding on day one, and just laughed at me like I was some spectacle. He told me he liked how much I smiled and laughed (which I tend to do more and more when I'm nervous and awkward - which is an AWFUL habit because it's misinterpreted 100% of the time).
I think we sat and talked for about an hour and a half when I took it upon myself to wrap things up by telling him he needed to get home and work on his project (which he had told me about earlier). He tried to put his arm around me as we walked through the mall and I did my best to avoid his touch. Another mall goer, a woman in her 50s, gave me a sideways glance as she walked past us. I can only imagine what she thought of the odd couple walking through South Coast Plaza! He walked me to my car, I quickly gave him a hug, told him it was nice to meet him and frantically drove away. I'm currently praying he doesn't call me. Fingers crossed!
I do think he is a nice person, good intentions, and some lady (most likely not your average American chick) is going to be lucky to date him. He's just definitely not the right guy for me.
Final vote: Bud.
Now, to the real subject at hand. Tonight I went on a date with Bball McVocab. We met for coffee around 6:15pm at the mall. I got to the mall entrance first and saw him walking up. When he got to me, he gave me a hug, and then did the top-to-bottom check-out and told me, "you look wonderful." Uh oh. As I predicted, he liked my size.
We walk through the mall and I caught him looking me up and down a bit (actually a lot) too much. We get in line for our coffees and he's already putting his arms around me. This is where I think there's a cultural breakdown. I would say I speak for most (maybe even all) Americans, when I say that we don't like being touched by strangers. Like dude, you've now touched me more in the past 5 minutes than anyone else in the past 5 days. Gross.
Teachy warned me this could happen (she's been on her fair share of dates with African McLovers) so while he was putting his arm around me, I was literally laughing. Body shakes. Couldn't help it.
We take a seat in the coffee shop and get to talking. His English is decent but pretty heavily accented. He was really nice, asked a lot of questions, has good goals, and I think REALLY REALLY liked me. At one point, he put his hand out over the table to try and hold my hand! Hahahaha! I started laughing and was like, "What are you doing?! I'm not holding your hand!" I don't think he quite understood my extreme aversion to public hand-holding on day one, and just laughed at me like I was some spectacle. He told me he liked how much I smiled and laughed (which I tend to do more and more when I'm nervous and awkward - which is an AWFUL habit because it's misinterpreted 100% of the time).
I think we sat and talked for about an hour and a half when I took it upon myself to wrap things up by telling him he needed to get home and work on his project (which he had told me about earlier). He tried to put his arm around me as we walked through the mall and I did my best to avoid his touch. Another mall goer, a woman in her 50s, gave me a sideways glance as she walked past us. I can only imagine what she thought of the odd couple walking through South Coast Plaza! He walked me to my car, I quickly gave him a hug, told him it was nice to meet him and frantically drove away. I'm currently praying he doesn't call me. Fingers crossed!
I do think he is a nice person, good intentions, and some lady (most likely not your average American chick) is going to be lucky to date him. He's just definitely not the right guy for me.
Final vote: Bud.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
This Wannabe isn't even close to the Spice Girls version...
Although I'll never catch up to the amount of dates that Teachy has gone on, I have actually got a date lined up for myself tomorrow night. I'm a bit nervous, because this could just go awfully, but for the sake of the blog (and I suppose the chance of love), I'm giving Bball McVocab a shot.
Here are some of his details: he's 6'6 (which of course I'm into), played basketball in college, literally from Africa, going to sit for the CPA exam in a month, is only 24 years old (that's right - I'm straight couging this one) seems really nice and asks me a lot of questions - these questions just sometimes involve him misusing words/punctuation. I've been cutting him some slack because English is obviously his second language (Teachy - I MAY have him take your class next year), but it still concerns me. A few examples I'd like to share are:
-I have been "dying" to go kayaking. Dude - I know this isn't actually killing you.
-Are you sure you don't have an "addiction" to traveling. Again, sir, please stop using " ". Does this remind anyone else of Joey on Friends when he doesn't understand how to use quotation marks?? When he tells Ross, "I'm sorry."
-I'm hysterical to have one as my buddy (this is in reference to wanting a dog). I'm not sure what word is supposed to replace "hysterical" (now here I go with the quotation marks), but I'm pretty sure that's the wrong word choice.
Regardless of his language errors he seems like a nice guy and I'm meeting him for coffee tomorrow night at 6pm. Wish me luck!
On another note, I'd like to tell you a bit about Trojan McWannabe.
I see this guy's profile last night and I'm thinking it could be worth reaching out to him. I debate over winking or emailing and then decide to suck it up and send an email. While I'm drafting this bad boy, I am notified that I've been winked at and emailed. So I save the email as a draft and look to see who's been winking and emailing. Turns out, it's the very same Trojan McWannabe that I was halfway through emailing. I take this as a good sign and email him back pretty quickly.
My email says something along the lines of....I'm a Trojan fan too, though I didn't go to school at USC. I see that you didn't go there either...what makes you such a big fan? I ask him a bit about the NFL playoffs and another question or two.
Within SECONDS I get an email back from this guy (this is NOT match protocol). He tells me that he's such a big fan of USC football that he got the SC logo tatted (that's how he put it) on his wrist. Please keep in mind that he DID NOT ATTEND THE SCHOOL. This is when I know this guy is a freak. He also tells me I'm very pretty and asks "what brings me here?" This email was sent at 10:07pm.
So, being the breezy woman that I am (another lesson from Friends, when Monica is trying to leave a breezy voicemail for Richard), I do not respond right away. I know this guy is a freak but I decide to give him another shot. I wait about 30 mins and write back one last email before I head to bed. I tell him that I have tattoos too, explain what brought me to match, and say have a good night. At 10:41pm, I receive ANOTHER email from this guy. This email includes this sentence, "I think you are gorgeous!!!!!!!!" Maybe some girls go for that, but not me. #1 - you already expressed that you think I'm attractive, and thank you, but now it's overkill. #2 - I HATE it when dudes use too many "!!!!!!". It's so feminine to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I do not respond to this email. It's sent me straight over the edge. Makes me wonder if any normal guys exist in the world? If any smart guys are out there? By the way, I'm pretty sure there aren't.
At 8:41am this morning I received another email from him, followed by one at 6:32pm, and I'm seriously not making this up...while typing this blog entry, he emailed me again! Time stamp - 11:09pm. I haven't read the email yet, I guess I'll brace myself and read it before heading to bed....wait for it....wait for it....
It reads, "I hope I'm not bothering you. I think it would be cool to chat with you again. If not let me know. Hope you had a nice day." I mean, that's nice but you ARE bothering me. He's now emailed me 4 times without me responding. Good God.
So let me ask you guys a question: for the sake of the blog, should I continue this conversation with Trojan McWannabe?? It's going to be painful, but it could be worth it. Let me know your thoughts!
And one last parting note, using Hottie McAsian's fake profile, Teachy looked Trojan McWannabe up today. Her impression of him, "I think that guy is always drunk." Awesome.
Here are some of his details: he's 6'6 (which of course I'm into), played basketball in college, literally from Africa, going to sit for the CPA exam in a month, is only 24 years old (that's right - I'm straight couging this one) seems really nice and asks me a lot of questions - these questions just sometimes involve him misusing words/punctuation. I've been cutting him some slack because English is obviously his second language (Teachy - I MAY have him take your class next year), but it still concerns me. A few examples I'd like to share are:
-I have been "dying" to go kayaking. Dude - I know this isn't actually killing you.
-Are you sure you don't have an "addiction" to traveling. Again, sir, please stop using " ". Does this remind anyone else of Joey on Friends when he doesn't understand how to use quotation marks?? When he tells Ross, "I'm sorry."
-I'm hysterical to have one as my buddy (this is in reference to wanting a dog). I'm not sure what word is supposed to replace "hysterical" (now here I go with the quotation marks), but I'm pretty sure that's the wrong word choice.
Regardless of his language errors he seems like a nice guy and I'm meeting him for coffee tomorrow night at 6pm. Wish me luck!
On another note, I'd like to tell you a bit about Trojan McWannabe.
I see this guy's profile last night and I'm thinking it could be worth reaching out to him. I debate over winking or emailing and then decide to suck it up and send an email. While I'm drafting this bad boy, I am notified that I've been winked at and emailed. So I save the email as a draft and look to see who's been winking and emailing. Turns out, it's the very same Trojan McWannabe that I was halfway through emailing. I take this as a good sign and email him back pretty quickly.
My email says something along the lines of....I'm a Trojan fan too, though I didn't go to school at USC. I see that you didn't go there either...what makes you such a big fan? I ask him a bit about the NFL playoffs and another question or two.
Within SECONDS I get an email back from this guy (this is NOT match protocol). He tells me that he's such a big fan of USC football that he got the SC logo tatted (that's how he put it) on his wrist. Please keep in mind that he DID NOT ATTEND THE SCHOOL. This is when I know this guy is a freak. He also tells me I'm very pretty and asks "what brings me here?" This email was sent at 10:07pm.
So, being the breezy woman that I am (another lesson from Friends, when Monica is trying to leave a breezy voicemail for Richard), I do not respond right away. I know this guy is a freak but I decide to give him another shot. I wait about 30 mins and write back one last email before I head to bed. I tell him that I have tattoos too, explain what brought me to match, and say have a good night. At 10:41pm, I receive ANOTHER email from this guy. This email includes this sentence, "I think you are gorgeous!!!!!!!!" Maybe some girls go for that, but not me. #1 - you already expressed that you think I'm attractive, and thank you, but now it's overkill. #2 - I HATE it when dudes use too many "!!!!!!". It's so feminine to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I do not respond to this email. It's sent me straight over the edge. Makes me wonder if any normal guys exist in the world? If any smart guys are out there? By the way, I'm pretty sure there aren't.
At 8:41am this morning I received another email from him, followed by one at 6:32pm, and I'm seriously not making this up...while typing this blog entry, he emailed me again! Time stamp - 11:09pm. I haven't read the email yet, I guess I'll brace myself and read it before heading to bed....wait for it....wait for it....
It reads, "I hope I'm not bothering you. I think it would be cool to chat with you again. If not let me know. Hope you had a nice day." I mean, that's nice but you ARE bothering me. He's now emailed me 4 times without me responding. Good God.
So let me ask you guys a question: for the sake of the blog, should I continue this conversation with Trojan McWannabe?? It's going to be painful, but it could be worth it. Let me know your thoughts!
And one last parting note, using Hottie McAsian's fake profile, Teachy looked Trojan McWannabe up today. Her impression of him, "I think that guy is always drunk." Awesome.
The hottest thing on match.com?
That would be Hottie McAsian, our fake match.com profile. It has now been one week since Hottie's profile has been active and she has... drum roll please... 52 new emails and 105 winks! Wha? Huh? What did you say? Yeah, exactly. I don't even know what to make of this, but I am pretty sure that every man in the greater bay area - between the ages of 18 and 50 - has either winked or emailed her. Damn, girl. You are smokin'!
If at first you don't succeed...
...dust yo'self off and try AGAIN! Aaaaand that's what I'm doing.
Yeah... after the overwhelming feeling of rejection that I suffered this weekend, I decided to jump right back on to match.com with full force - new profile, new attitude. So I updated my profile and got to winking. And now I've got three dates coming up in the next week. Only one is from match.com, though.
Speedy McSwedester is a tall, athletic Swedish guy who recently moved to the Bay Area. His email subject line said, "Wanna go for a run sometime?" HA! Did you laugh out loud, too? I told him I'd go for a run with him, but it would be more like me running really slowly and him taking a walk next to me. Anyway, he seems like a pretty cool guy. He's a semi-pro cyclist, which is a little intimidating, but we'll see how things go. We have a date scheduled for Friday night.
I gave in to Ballsy McIndian (we met in the cereal aisle at Target, remember?) only because I am 99.9% certain that our date will lead to some really good blogging material. Is it bad to agree to dates "for the sake of the blog"? Because that has pretty much been my tagline lately. Either way, it appears he has moved from his tall girl fetish to a more appropriate obsession with my job as a teacher, as his "future career interest is in that direction." So, we're having coffee on Tuesday next week. Wish me luck!
And then, on a particularly odd note, I saw one of my exes at my triathlon practice last Saturday and we made plans to have dinner at this restaurant in Mountain View that I apparently told him I'd take him to while we were dating (I do not remember that at all), but I never did. Whoops. That's what you get for breaking up with me. So, Youngster McFriendlyGiant and I are going to dinner on Monday night at above-referenced restaurant. However, just for clarification, this is not a date-with-a-potential-husband situation. That ship has sailed. I never felt particularly sad about our breakup and we have remained semi-friends. So THIS is just two friends meeting for dinner. However, I will still blog about it because blogging about people when they don't know I'm doing it is so much fun!
Yeah... after the overwhelming feeling of rejection that I suffered this weekend, I decided to jump right back on to match.com with full force - new profile, new attitude. So I updated my profile and got to winking. And now I've got three dates coming up in the next week. Only one is from match.com, though.
Speedy McSwedester is a tall, athletic Swedish guy who recently moved to the Bay Area. His email subject line said, "Wanna go for a run sometime?" HA! Did you laugh out loud, too? I told him I'd go for a run with him, but it would be more like me running really slowly and him taking a walk next to me. Anyway, he seems like a pretty cool guy. He's a semi-pro cyclist, which is a little intimidating, but we'll see how things go. We have a date scheduled for Friday night.
I gave in to Ballsy McIndian (we met in the cereal aisle at Target, remember?) only because I am 99.9% certain that our date will lead to some really good blogging material. Is it bad to agree to dates "for the sake of the blog"? Because that has pretty much been my tagline lately. Either way, it appears he has moved from his tall girl fetish to a more appropriate obsession with my job as a teacher, as his "future career interest is in that direction." So, we're having coffee on Tuesday next week. Wish me luck!
And then, on a particularly odd note, I saw one of my exes at my triathlon practice last Saturday and we made plans to have dinner at this restaurant in Mountain View that I apparently told him I'd take him to while we were dating (I do not remember that at all), but I never did. Whoops. That's what you get for breaking up with me. So, Youngster McFriendlyGiant and I are going to dinner on Monday night at above-referenced restaurant. However, just for clarification, this is not a date-with-a-potential-husband situation. That ship has sailed. I never felt particularly sad about our breakup and we have remained semi-friends. So THIS is just two friends meeting for dinner. However, I will still blog about it because blogging about people when they don't know I'm doing it is so much fun!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Three strikes and you're OUT!
*Sigh*
This was an eventful and emotionally draining weekend, and for a brief moment (approximately 1 hour), I gave up on match.com. But I did some thinking and I'm ready to get back out there.
So here's what happened...
Strike 1: Friday night, I had my first date with Whitey McMidwest. Oh man, over text message, he was the perfect guy. And I had really high hopes for this one because we really seemed to connect and, in his words, "it [felt] like we already [knew] each other." Our first conversation over the phone lasted for one hour! That conversation took place on Saturday, January 7th and we made plans that day to do dinner and bowling the upcoming Friday night. Each day following, Whitey texted me and we had riveting textersations. We seemed to have so much in common, including an intense love for the show, Jersey Shore. He would text me things like, "Friday couldn't come sooner" or "I can't wait to meet you" in addition to things like, "We should do this..." or "We should go there together..." Things that, as a vulnerable single woman who tends to read into things sometimes, I was weary of getting excited about.
I've been in the non-relationship before where the guy talks up all the great things we're going to do together and then dumps me for some unexplained reason (before, of course, any of those things ever happen). So in order to prevent myself from getting too excited about Whitey, I continuously responded to his comments of "We should..." with, "We'll have to see how Friday goes!" No one wants to set themselves up for disappointment. I've done it before and I am learning not to read into everything a guy says.
So, with that in mind, we meet for our date Friday night. We enjoy a nice dinner and split a bottle of wine. We have great conversation - talk, laugh, learn about each other. It's nice. I feel like it's going well. After dinner, we head to the bowling alley and we bowl two games. When our games are over, he suggests we hang out in the bar where karaoke is about to begin. We are having a fantastic time. He doesn't appear to be bored nor disgusted with me as a person. Phew! Then, nearly five hours after it began, we finally decide to end the date. As we walk out, he gives me a small kiss on the lips, tells me he had a great time, and that he'll call me. I leave feeling excited and optomistic. I am even more optomistic when he texts me to tell me he's excited to do all those things we had talked about doing "after Friday." I smile as I fall asleep.
Fast-forward to the weekend. I do not hear from him. I become Crazy. I am even crying at some points because I do not understand WTF is going on. Three days go by and I finally hear from him on Monday evening when I get this text: "I've been doing some thinking and I just don't think we're a good match after all. I've had fun getting to know you and wish you the best of luck!" Don't cry for me because here's the honest truth: when he didn't call me for three days, I already knew that that was the text I'd be getting. It's called Women's Intuition and it involves the sick feeling you get in your stomach when you know something isn't going right. Ladies, DO NOT IGNORE THIS FEELING! It is real! No, something didn't happen to his phone. No, he's not just busy with his buddies. No, he didn't die suddenly. No no no. He is just not that into you (even though the guy who wrote that book is an asshole, he's right!) And only God knows the reason why he's not into you. But don't obsess over that either. Just do what you can to overcome the Crazy, and then move on.
So after a few tears shed - not over a simple white guy from the midwest, but over the disappointment of another lost possibility of finding love - that's exactly what I did. I moved on. Final vote, obviously: bud.
Strike two: I went on a first date with Foody McGradSchool on Saturday afternoon. I was not feeling nearly the connection with Foody that I did with Whitey, but who am I to turn down a free meal, right? I broke my first date rule and agreed to let him pick me up because he was driving all the way down to Sunnyvale from San Bruno. I found this guy interesting because he had a very positive outlook on life and he seemed to be really spiritually centered. I find that attractive, as long as it isn't too in-your-face. When this guy picked me up, I'll admit that he definitely looked like he did in his profile pictures, except for the fact that he was probably 100 times skinnier. I have actually never seen a skinnier man in my life. He was a beanpole. When he turned sideways, he disappeared. I felt like a giant beast next to this guy.
Other than his lack of body fat, I found him to be attractive and genuinely nice. We drove to a local Mexican restaurant. He had a white Acura with Dr. Dre playing on the stereo and it was at this moment that some things he had said in previous conversations ("I grew up in parts of Daly City and Vistacion Valley, near Hunter's Point," and "Growing up in the projects..." - btw, this is the whitest guy you've ever seen) caused me to realize that this guy is San Francisco's Slim Shady. He even had the ghetto driving swagger down, with the seat tilted back, extreme lean to the right, resting practically the entire right side of his body on the center console (which, btw, put his head about two inches from mine), and just one arm - his left one - draped loosely over the steering wheel. Man, this guy really IS from the projects, I thought. Oh, and did I mention that he was practically sagging his jeans all the way down to his thighs? I could not tell if he was going for the gangsta style or if he simply couldn't keep his pants up on his 25-inch waist.
At the restaurant, we enjoy a lovely meal and talk about many things, including how we are both really, really RIDICULOUSLY good at Words with Friends. So he asks me what my user name is and we have been playing since that afternoon (I am beating him). We even have a candid conversation about what it's like to be on match.com, dating multiple people at once, etc. I like how honest our conversation is. After lunch, he drives me back to my place, gives me a hug, and we say our goodbyes. Overall, no sparks, but a nice date. Final vote: bud.
Strike three: As you may recall, this weekend I was supposed to have Date #3 with Flaky McTallGuy. Well, guess what? Yep, that's right - he flaked. I had pretty much decided I was over him by midweek when I hadn't heard from him. Then, Wednesday night, he sent me a message. We texted back and forth for a bit until he finally asked, "What time on Saturday?" I told him anytime after 5pm. "I have plans at 7," he texts back. "What about Sunday?" Seriously!? Ugh, this is the flakiest guy I have ever met! I agreed to Sunday even though I was thinking, "You are a loser and I am done with you." A couple of days go by until he texts, then calls me at approximately 11:30pm on Saturday night. I had just arrived home from my date with Whitey. He shoots the shit for a bit until I start yawning. Sorry dude, but I am exhausted and have to get up hella early for Saturday morning triathlon practice. He tells me he has some ideas for what we'll do on Sunday and that he'll call to finalize plans. "Ok, sounds good. Good night."
Flaky seems to know when I am on a date with another guy because that always seems to be the time he calls or texts. So just as my date with Foody is ending on Saturday afternoon, I get a call from Flaky. I don't answer, of course, but listen to the voicemail when I get home." I am not surprised by what it says: "Hi Natalie... I've been thinking about things for a couple of days now and I feel like there's sort of a friend vibe coming down and I don't know if it's just bad timing for me or what, but I think you're a great girl and blah blah blah..." And then, at the end of the message, he says, "So let me know your thoughts." REALLY!? What, like I'm going to call you back and say, "NO! There's no friend vibe! You must take me out on Sunday!?" Whatever dude. I texted him back to say, "I agree" and told him to have a good life. But what I really wanted to say was: 1) grow a pair and don't leave something like that on a voicemail; 2) I think you might be gay (for real, I need to figure out how to post a snippet of a voicemail); and 3) learn how to manage your schedule so you aren't so flaky, you bonehead. But I decided to be nice. This time. he did text me back saying, "You are smart, funny, and have a lot going for you. Take care." Barf. Final vote: bud.
So now you might be thinking - well, three strikes and you're out, right? That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. For a second, I was totally down in the dumps. I wanted to give up on dating, give up on men altogether. BUT THEN... Blondie McSmartyPants gave me some good advice. After showing me an excerpt from a book she's planning to read (My Half Orange by Amy Spencer, which I will be reading as well), she decided that our problem is not that we can't find the men of our dreams, but that we're not putting all of our effort into attracting them. And she's right. I've got to focus on what I really want and use the power of optismism to attract Mr. Right. It WILL happen, I just know it.
This was an eventful and emotionally draining weekend, and for a brief moment (approximately 1 hour), I gave up on match.com. But I did some thinking and I'm ready to get back out there.
So here's what happened...
Strike 1: Friday night, I had my first date with Whitey McMidwest. Oh man, over text message, he was the perfect guy. And I had really high hopes for this one because we really seemed to connect and, in his words, "it [felt] like we already [knew] each other." Our first conversation over the phone lasted for one hour! That conversation took place on Saturday, January 7th and we made plans that day to do dinner and bowling the upcoming Friday night. Each day following, Whitey texted me and we had riveting textersations. We seemed to have so much in common, including an intense love for the show, Jersey Shore. He would text me things like, "Friday couldn't come sooner" or "I can't wait to meet you" in addition to things like, "We should do this..." or "We should go there together..." Things that, as a vulnerable single woman who tends to read into things sometimes, I was weary of getting excited about.
I've been in the non-relationship before where the guy talks up all the great things we're going to do together and then dumps me for some unexplained reason (before, of course, any of those things ever happen). So in order to prevent myself from getting too excited about Whitey, I continuously responded to his comments of "We should..." with, "We'll have to see how Friday goes!" No one wants to set themselves up for disappointment. I've done it before and I am learning not to read into everything a guy says.
So, with that in mind, we meet for our date Friday night. We enjoy a nice dinner and split a bottle of wine. We have great conversation - talk, laugh, learn about each other. It's nice. I feel like it's going well. After dinner, we head to the bowling alley and we bowl two games. When our games are over, he suggests we hang out in the bar where karaoke is about to begin. We are having a fantastic time. He doesn't appear to be bored nor disgusted with me as a person. Phew! Then, nearly five hours after it began, we finally decide to end the date. As we walk out, he gives me a small kiss on the lips, tells me he had a great time, and that he'll call me. I leave feeling excited and optomistic. I am even more optomistic when he texts me to tell me he's excited to do all those things we had talked about doing "after Friday." I smile as I fall asleep.
Fast-forward to the weekend. I do not hear from him. I become Crazy. I am even crying at some points because I do not understand WTF is going on. Three days go by and I finally hear from him on Monday evening when I get this text: "I've been doing some thinking and I just don't think we're a good match after all. I've had fun getting to know you and wish you the best of luck!" Don't cry for me because here's the honest truth: when he didn't call me for three days, I already knew that that was the text I'd be getting. It's called Women's Intuition and it involves the sick feeling you get in your stomach when you know something isn't going right. Ladies, DO NOT IGNORE THIS FEELING! It is real! No, something didn't happen to his phone. No, he's not just busy with his buddies. No, he didn't die suddenly. No no no. He is just not that into you (even though the guy who wrote that book is an asshole, he's right!) And only God knows the reason why he's not into you. But don't obsess over that either. Just do what you can to overcome the Crazy, and then move on.
So after a few tears shed - not over a simple white guy from the midwest, but over the disappointment of another lost possibility of finding love - that's exactly what I did. I moved on. Final vote, obviously: bud.
Strike two: I went on a first date with Foody McGradSchool on Saturday afternoon. I was not feeling nearly the connection with Foody that I did with Whitey, but who am I to turn down a free meal, right? I broke my first date rule and agreed to let him pick me up because he was driving all the way down to Sunnyvale from San Bruno. I found this guy interesting because he had a very positive outlook on life and he seemed to be really spiritually centered. I find that attractive, as long as it isn't too in-your-face. When this guy picked me up, I'll admit that he definitely looked like he did in his profile pictures, except for the fact that he was probably 100 times skinnier. I have actually never seen a skinnier man in my life. He was a beanpole. When he turned sideways, he disappeared. I felt like a giant beast next to this guy.
Other than his lack of body fat, I found him to be attractive and genuinely nice. We drove to a local Mexican restaurant. He had a white Acura with Dr. Dre playing on the stereo and it was at this moment that some things he had said in previous conversations ("I grew up in parts of Daly City and Vistacion Valley, near Hunter's Point," and "Growing up in the projects..." - btw, this is the whitest guy you've ever seen) caused me to realize that this guy is San Francisco's Slim Shady. He even had the ghetto driving swagger down, with the seat tilted back, extreme lean to the right, resting practically the entire right side of his body on the center console (which, btw, put his head about two inches from mine), and just one arm - his left one - draped loosely over the steering wheel. Man, this guy really IS from the projects, I thought. Oh, and did I mention that he was practically sagging his jeans all the way down to his thighs? I could not tell if he was going for the gangsta style or if he simply couldn't keep his pants up on his 25-inch waist.
At the restaurant, we enjoy a lovely meal and talk about many things, including how we are both really, really RIDICULOUSLY good at Words with Friends. So he asks me what my user name is and we have been playing since that afternoon (I am beating him). We even have a candid conversation about what it's like to be on match.com, dating multiple people at once, etc. I like how honest our conversation is. After lunch, he drives me back to my place, gives me a hug, and we say our goodbyes. Overall, no sparks, but a nice date. Final vote: bud.
Strike three: As you may recall, this weekend I was supposed to have Date #3 with Flaky McTallGuy. Well, guess what? Yep, that's right - he flaked. I had pretty much decided I was over him by midweek when I hadn't heard from him. Then, Wednesday night, he sent me a message. We texted back and forth for a bit until he finally asked, "What time on Saturday?" I told him anytime after 5pm. "I have plans at 7," he texts back. "What about Sunday?" Seriously!? Ugh, this is the flakiest guy I have ever met! I agreed to Sunday even though I was thinking, "You are a loser and I am done with you." A couple of days go by until he texts, then calls me at approximately 11:30pm on Saturday night. I had just arrived home from my date with Whitey. He shoots the shit for a bit until I start yawning. Sorry dude, but I am exhausted and have to get up hella early for Saturday morning triathlon practice. He tells me he has some ideas for what we'll do on Sunday and that he'll call to finalize plans. "Ok, sounds good. Good night."
Flaky seems to know when I am on a date with another guy because that always seems to be the time he calls or texts. So just as my date with Foody is ending on Saturday afternoon, I get a call from Flaky. I don't answer, of course, but listen to the voicemail when I get home." I am not surprised by what it says: "Hi Natalie... I've been thinking about things for a couple of days now and I feel like there's sort of a friend vibe coming down and I don't know if it's just bad timing for me or what, but I think you're a great girl and blah blah blah..." And then, at the end of the message, he says, "So let me know your thoughts." REALLY!? What, like I'm going to call you back and say, "NO! There's no friend vibe! You must take me out on Sunday!?" Whatever dude. I texted him back to say, "I agree" and told him to have a good life. But what I really wanted to say was: 1) grow a pair and don't leave something like that on a voicemail; 2) I think you might be gay (for real, I need to figure out how to post a snippet of a voicemail); and 3) learn how to manage your schedule so you aren't so flaky, you bonehead. But I decided to be nice. This time. he did text me back saying, "You are smart, funny, and have a lot going for you. Take care." Barf. Final vote: bud.
So now you might be thinking - well, three strikes and you're out, right? That is EXACTLY what I was thinking. For a second, I was totally down in the dumps. I wanted to give up on dating, give up on men altogether. BUT THEN... Blondie McSmartyPants gave me some good advice. After showing me an excerpt from a book she's planning to read (My Half Orange by Amy Spencer, which I will be reading as well), she decided that our problem is not that we can't find the men of our dreams, but that we're not putting all of our effort into attracting them. And she's right. I've got to focus on what I really want and use the power of optismism to attract Mr. Right. It WILL happen, I just know it.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
every girl's got a little crazy in her...
Ok, this is going to sound a little psycho, but the truth is... as a member of the Female Race, crazy is unavoidable, as it is an unchangeable part of my DNA. And honestly, when one member of the Female Race gets crazy, she shares her crazy with other members and then the crazy spreads like a disease. So, what happened here is that I contracted my crazy from my good friend Blondie McSmartyPants.
Blondie McSmartyPants, as you know, recently ended a relationship with Tooly McWankFace. And when I say recently, I mean like last week. This is a fresh wound here. So as per standard crazy post-breakup behavior, Blondie immediately began scouring match.com to see if he had re-posted his profile. Then, on Tuesday, she discovered that he had indeed re-posted his profile. Crazy just got crazier.
Now, there is one inherent problem with match.com: when you look at a dude's profile, it shows up on his "See who's viewed you" section of his page. So if you view it today, it shows up. If you view it tomorrow, it shows up again. How in the world do the match.com creators expect us to secretly stalk dudes if we're constantly showing up on their "Who's viewed me" page??
So there are two things that caused the crazy to spread from Blondie to me: 1) She told me about finding Tooly back on match. That wanker! 2) She asked me if I had ever searched for my ex. Dammit! I hadn't even considered that! (For those of you who don't know the back story, my ex - Douchey McF***Face - and I broke up in August. While Douchey and I didn't meet on match, that doesn't mean that he wouldn't sign up to try to find the byatch of his dreams. And just for the record, I am COMPLETELY over him, but honestly, I am just a curious person by nature).
Here's what happened. I got curious. Duh. So I conducted a search for men of his age range, height, location, etc. I was very specific so as to narrow the field. And after browsing just two pages, I found him. My heart stopped. What a douche. But, I hate to say this, the crazy didn't stop there. It really does get worse - way worse. I did not want to click on his profile, because the last thing I wanted to do was to give him any sort of impression that I think or care about him at all. So, I immediately IMed Blondie. What do I do?? She was in the same boat as me. She had been consumed by the crazy. I know I should not have turned to her, but the crazy was running coarsely through my veins. I was not thinking straight. In haste, we shot ideas back and forth about what to do. How can we properly stalk our exes without them knowing it?
"I've got the BEST idea," Blondie wrote (in reality, not a good idea at all). "We can create a FAKE PROFILE!"
"OMG! That is such a good idea!"
No it's not. But... it was too late. The crazy had already won. Blondie moved quickly. She suggested using the photos of her coworker, who is happily relationshipped. Brilliant!
So immediately upon getting home from work on Tuesday, I set out on my task of creating a faux stalker profile using Blondie's coworker's photos! We'll call our newest match.com member Hottie McAsian. Let me tell you this... it is hard work making a match.com profile! So many questions! So many things to make up! But by the time I had sat down in front of my laptop and created a fake gmail account for Hottie, there was seriously no turning back. I was in it to win it. I had to create a fake birth date, a fake college, a fake degree, a fake job, and even fake interests (Hottie really loves the beach and experiencing new adventures - ok, maybe there is a little bit of me in this fake profile...) I felt like Dr. Frankenstein creating my monster. It was so much fun! After about 40 minutes of hard work, my creation was complete. I just needed to wait for the profile and photos to be approved.
When I finally had my chance, I logged on immediately to stalk Douchey's profile. Eew. So glad that relationship's over. Viewing his profile ultimately brought me no satisfaction, other than knowing that I am glad I am no longer with him. (That, and the thought that I am way too hot for him anyway.) After viewing his profile, the crazy started to slowly wear off. WTF were we thinking? But, since we already had the profile up, we figured we'd check on it every once in a while to see who's winking at her. If Douchey or Tooly wink at her, we both thought, they're going down. (Crazy clearly still lingering).
As a non-paying match.com member, the only thing you can do on the site in terms of communication is wink for free. You can also see those who have winked at you. What you can't see is "who's viewed you" or emails that have been sent. We didn't envision this being a problem because we were only anticipating using her profile to stalk our exes.
But here's the crazy part... Hottie has had a fake profile now for about three days. I logged on to her profile this morning, just to see what kind of action she's gotten (and to see if Douchey winked at her, which he did not). You will not believe this, but she has 19 new emails and 40 winks! Are you kidding me!? That is more emails and winks than Blondie and I put together! How is it possible that our fake profile is more popular than our real ones!? Waaaah we are crying!
If there is a lesson to be learned here, folks, it's that stalking is bad. And so is creating fake people. Or using real people to make fake people to secretly stalk real people. Ugh. What a giant, crazy mess...
Blondie McSmartyPants, as you know, recently ended a relationship with Tooly McWankFace. And when I say recently, I mean like last week. This is a fresh wound here. So as per standard crazy post-breakup behavior, Blondie immediately began scouring match.com to see if he had re-posted his profile. Then, on Tuesday, she discovered that he had indeed re-posted his profile. Crazy just got crazier.
Now, there is one inherent problem with match.com: when you look at a dude's profile, it shows up on his "See who's viewed you" section of his page. So if you view it today, it shows up. If you view it tomorrow, it shows up again. How in the world do the match.com creators expect us to secretly stalk dudes if we're constantly showing up on their "Who's viewed me" page??
So there are two things that caused the crazy to spread from Blondie to me: 1) She told me about finding Tooly back on match. That wanker! 2) She asked me if I had ever searched for my ex. Dammit! I hadn't even considered that! (For those of you who don't know the back story, my ex - Douchey McF***Face - and I broke up in August. While Douchey and I didn't meet on match, that doesn't mean that he wouldn't sign up to try to find the byatch of his dreams. And just for the record, I am COMPLETELY over him, but honestly, I am just a curious person by nature).
Here's what happened. I got curious. Duh. So I conducted a search for men of his age range, height, location, etc. I was very specific so as to narrow the field. And after browsing just two pages, I found him. My heart stopped. What a douche. But, I hate to say this, the crazy didn't stop there. It really does get worse - way worse. I did not want to click on his profile, because the last thing I wanted to do was to give him any sort of impression that I think or care about him at all. So, I immediately IMed Blondie. What do I do?? She was in the same boat as me. She had been consumed by the crazy. I know I should not have turned to her, but the crazy was running coarsely through my veins. I was not thinking straight. In haste, we shot ideas back and forth about what to do. How can we properly stalk our exes without them knowing it?
"I've got the BEST idea," Blondie wrote (in reality, not a good idea at all). "We can create a FAKE PROFILE!"
"OMG! That is such a good idea!"
No it's not. But... it was too late. The crazy had already won. Blondie moved quickly. She suggested using the photos of her coworker, who is happily relationshipped. Brilliant!
So immediately upon getting home from work on Tuesday, I set out on my task of creating a faux stalker profile using Blondie's coworker's photos! We'll call our newest match.com member Hottie McAsian. Let me tell you this... it is hard work making a match.com profile! So many questions! So many things to make up! But by the time I had sat down in front of my laptop and created a fake gmail account for Hottie, there was seriously no turning back. I was in it to win it. I had to create a fake birth date, a fake college, a fake degree, a fake job, and even fake interests (Hottie really loves the beach and experiencing new adventures - ok, maybe there is a little bit of me in this fake profile...) I felt like Dr. Frankenstein creating my monster. It was so much fun! After about 40 minutes of hard work, my creation was complete. I just needed to wait for the profile and photos to be approved.
When I finally had my chance, I logged on immediately to stalk Douchey's profile. Eew. So glad that relationship's over. Viewing his profile ultimately brought me no satisfaction, other than knowing that I am glad I am no longer with him. (That, and the thought that I am way too hot for him anyway.) After viewing his profile, the crazy started to slowly wear off. WTF were we thinking? But, since we already had the profile up, we figured we'd check on it every once in a while to see who's winking at her. If Douchey or Tooly wink at her, we both thought, they're going down. (Crazy clearly still lingering).
As a non-paying match.com member, the only thing you can do on the site in terms of communication is wink for free. You can also see those who have winked at you. What you can't see is "who's viewed you" or emails that have been sent. We didn't envision this being a problem because we were only anticipating using her profile to stalk our exes.
But here's the crazy part... Hottie has had a fake profile now for about three days. I logged on to her profile this morning, just to see what kind of action she's gotten (and to see if Douchey winked at her, which he did not). You will not believe this, but she has 19 new emails and 40 winks! Are you kidding me!? That is more emails and winks than Blondie and I put together! How is it possible that our fake profile is more popular than our real ones!? Waaaah we are crying!
If there is a lesson to be learned here, folks, it's that stalking is bad. And so is creating fake people. Or using real people to make fake people to secretly stalk real people. Ugh. What a giant, crazy mess...
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
*YOUR* Never Going to Get It (as sung by En Vogue)
After reading Teachy's last entry, thought I'd post one of my favorite misuses of "your" emails too...
For the record, I actually did email Fishy McGrammar back. I gave him some grammar pointers and told him it'd probably help him with the ladies. His actual response is below...
LOL is right!!
ummm... no
I am pretty sure this email speaks for itself. "No, thanks, buddy." It doesn't take a genius to be able to classify this one as a freak!
Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride...
Ok, this was just bad judgment on my part.
So one of the first guys who emailed me on match – we’ll refer to him as Walks-a-lot McTexter – seemed at first to be a really cool guy. He sent a nice, normal email and gave me all sorts of compliments (clearly, I am easily wooed). So, as per my protocol, I gave him my number. Now, again, let me be clear that this is my own fault. I blame this entire non-relationship on my poor judgment. I’ve got nothing against this guy. He really is nice and completely unassuming and he even seems like he could – in some senses – be a very good boyfriend. However, with that said, I have decided to end things with him (before even meeting him. Is that bad?), and you’re about to find out why.
First, after I gave him my number, he – of course – did not call me, but instead sent me a text (problem #1). “Hi there, it’s Walks-a-lot from match.” After a couple of text exchanges (“I am good, how are you.” “Not bad. What are you up to?”) I ran into problem #2. After asking him what he was up to, he responded with: “I’m just at work watching football.” I am puzzled. It’s 8pm on a Monday night. “Watching football at work?” I text back. “Hmmm… What do you do?” “Sell team stuff in ALocalTown” What is “team stuff,” I wonder, and, Oh shit, I need to go back and check this dude’s highest education level. Problem #3.
My worst fears were realized. I am not quite sure how I missed this – maybe I was distracted by the fact that he was 6’4” and good looking? – but he had “tell you later” listed next to both his job AND his education level. Oy vey. Call me picky, but I just can’t date a dude with no college education! So one day during a typical textersation (he has texted me every day since the first day he texted, which was December 28th! And usually the texts start with “Hey,” “Hiya,” or “Hi”. Problem #5), I worked up the nerve to ask him about it. “I was just checking out your profile on match,” I typed. “Your job is listed as ‘tell you later’ – what up with that???” His response: “Because I work retail and 98.7 percent of women on there want guys who make good money, not for how good a person a guy may be :/ [sic]” Eeeek. I should have cut the cord right then and there. But I kinda felt badly for the guy, so I continued to let him text me on a daily basis. I mean, this whole time I knew I was going to have to break his heart one day, but I put it off thinking maybe he would get sick of me? (Impossible). So by this point, I am extremely bored with the textersations. I mean, seriously, are you mute? You are really THAT incapable of picking up the phone and calling me?
But finally, we get to problem #5 – the absolute worst of all, and in my opinion – a deal breaker. He finally gets up the nerve to ask me out for a drink. “It’s been long enough w/o seeing your beauty in person,” he types. Damn straight. So I respond with a suggestion of meeting up in the Cupertino/Sunnyvale area, since that is where I’ll be that night. “Would you mind meeting up in this area?” I ask. Brace yourselves for his response. You will be shocked: “This area as in TownILiveIn?” he writes. “I don’t drive member? Sorry to remind ya of my current short cummings :( [sic]” OK, so there are a number of things wrong with that text message, but – O.M.G. – let’s cut to the chase. “You don’t drive??” I text back. “You never told me that!” He tries to claim that he did and then gives me his sob story excuse. Not buying it, buddy. Bottom line… Ah helllllllll no. I do NOT want No Scrubs! How is this guy going to think it’s cool to date a girl without owning a car!? How is this guy going to think I am going to pick his ass up everytime we go out!? And, more important, how is this guy going to think I am going to pay for my own meals when he takes me (oh, excuse me, when I pick him up and take him) out for dinner?
Sorry, Walks-a-lot. But you’re outta here.
Final vote: Dud
So one of the first guys who emailed me on match – we’ll refer to him as Walks-a-lot McTexter – seemed at first to be a really cool guy. He sent a nice, normal email and gave me all sorts of compliments (clearly, I am easily wooed). So, as per my protocol, I gave him my number. Now, again, let me be clear that this is my own fault. I blame this entire non-relationship on my poor judgment. I’ve got nothing against this guy. He really is nice and completely unassuming and he even seems like he could – in some senses – be a very good boyfriend. However, with that said, I have decided to end things with him (before even meeting him. Is that bad?), and you’re about to find out why.
First, after I gave him my number, he – of course – did not call me, but instead sent me a text (problem #1). “Hi there, it’s Walks-a-lot from match.” After a couple of text exchanges (“I am good, how are you.” “Not bad. What are you up to?”) I ran into problem #2. After asking him what he was up to, he responded with: “I’m just at work watching football.” I am puzzled. It’s 8pm on a Monday night. “Watching football at work?” I text back. “Hmmm… What do you do?” “Sell team stuff in ALocalTown” What is “team stuff,” I wonder, and, Oh shit, I need to go back and check this dude’s highest education level. Problem #3.
My worst fears were realized. I am not quite sure how I missed this – maybe I was distracted by the fact that he was 6’4” and good looking? – but he had “tell you later” listed next to both his job AND his education level. Oy vey. Call me picky, but I just can’t date a dude with no college education! So one day during a typical textersation (he has texted me every day since the first day he texted, which was December 28th! And usually the texts start with “Hey,” “Hiya,” or “Hi”. Problem #5), I worked up the nerve to ask him about it. “I was just checking out your profile on match,” I typed. “Your job is listed as ‘tell you later’ – what up with that???” His response: “Because I work retail and 98.7 percent of women on there want guys who make good money, not for how good a person a guy may be :/ [sic]” Eeeek. I should have cut the cord right then and there. But I kinda felt badly for the guy, so I continued to let him text me on a daily basis. I mean, this whole time I knew I was going to have to break his heart one day, but I put it off thinking maybe he would get sick of me? (Impossible). So by this point, I am extremely bored with the textersations. I mean, seriously, are you mute? You are really THAT incapable of picking up the phone and calling me?
But finally, we get to problem #5 – the absolute worst of all, and in my opinion – a deal breaker. He finally gets up the nerve to ask me out for a drink. “It’s been long enough w/o seeing your beauty in person,” he types. Damn straight. So I respond with a suggestion of meeting up in the Cupertino/Sunnyvale area, since that is where I’ll be that night. “Would you mind meeting up in this area?” I ask. Brace yourselves for his response. You will be shocked: “This area as in TownILiveIn?” he writes. “I don’t drive member? Sorry to remind ya of my current short cummings :( [sic]” OK, so there are a number of things wrong with that text message, but – O.M.G. – let’s cut to the chase. “You don’t drive??” I text back. “You never told me that!” He tries to claim that he did and then gives me his sob story excuse. Not buying it, buddy. Bottom line… Ah helllllllll no. I do NOT want No Scrubs! How is this guy going to think it’s cool to date a girl without owning a car!? How is this guy going to think I am going to pick his ass up everytime we go out!? And, more important, how is this guy going to think I am going to pay for my own meals when he takes me (oh, excuse me, when I pick him up and take him) out for dinner?
Sorry, Walks-a-lot. But you’re outta here.
Final vote: Dud
Monday, January 10, 2011
By popular demand...
...I bring you Hottie McJesus!This is an oldie but goodie. Check that. An oldie by greatie. When we started the blog, I only intended to write about new match adventures, but I've received SEVERAL requests to do a write-up on good old McJesus, so here goes nothing...
I met McJesus on Halloween night a few years back. He was dressed up as a doctor and at the time we deemed him McSteamy, and I was Tim Gunn. He was super tall, dark, scruffy, and I liked him the second he walked into the party. After some antics by my friends, the two of us were introduced and struck-up some conversation. At the end of the night I gave him my phone number and crossed my fingers that'd he call.
My wish came true when he called me up just a few days later. Little did I know what I was about to endure. Things I remember about the call - it lasted FOREVER and not in a good way. My cell phone bill was nearly $200 that month thanks for the worlds longest first call. While on the line I realized that what he needed more than a girlfriend was a therapist. He continued on and on about church services, church trips*, church friends, etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I like church. I go to church. But on a first phone call, I DON'T like shoving my religion down anyone's throat. I survive til the end of the call when he finally asks if he can take me out. At this point I feel obligated and agree to a Friday day date.
*One of his church trips was to Jamaica. So this prompts me to tell him my favorite story of my senior year of college spring break in Negril, Jamaica. I was walking along the beach with my two best-friends when I hear a man calling out, "Hey tall girl, (hence the name) hey tall girl," and when this gets my attention the man continues with, "I like your size!" At this point we are close to running away when he adds, "I'll see you later tonight." My final line was, "No you won't!" as my best-friends and I run away from the one-legged local.
Day of the date - he picks me up at my apartment in San Jose and we drive ALL the way to Santa Cruz. For those of you not familiar with this drive, I'd say it's a good 40 minute trek. Total rookie move to go on this long of a car drive on a first date.
Hey, here's a shocker, the conversation begins with....wait for it....church talk. Somehow the conversation finally shifts and he asks me about my family. One question I remember him asking was whether or not my sister (hey B!) and I are alike. I said something along the lines of, "my sister is an Aries so tends to be a bit feistier than I am." He replies with, "You're like that. You're aggressive. Uhhhhh, I mean, assertive." Actually dude, I'm neither. And here's a tip - don't call a girl aggressive and assertive on a first date. It's not gonna go over well.
So we finally make it to Santa Cruz and he is bumbling and fumbling over where to eat. I keep telling him, "I'm the least picky eater you'll ever meet! As long as the restaurant serves more than raisins, I'll be fine." Doesn't help. Eventually to put us both out of our misery I pick a cute place with outside seating and a beautiful view of the Pacific. Upon sitting down we launch into therapy time. Topics included but were not limited to: being "exiled" from his church because of a girl who told a lie about her running over his foot with her car?? (Some chick seriously drove over his foot and caused a lot of damage. He then named the girl in his insurance claim/lawsuit. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do, because after that he was asked to leave the church.), this broke his heart because church was everything (duh) so he was then driven to thoughts of suicide (yep, we're still on our first date), his inability to complete college (failed out several times due to his ADD, he said), and on and on.
Our food arrives and I could not be more happy to take a pause from the conversation and dive into my Ahi tuna salad. This feeling of bliss doesn't last long. The second the waiter steps away McJesus says to me, "You want to pray?" I say, "WHAT?!?!??!?!" He repeats himself as if I didn't actually hear him the first time, "Do you want to pray?" Oh.My.God. Literally. I have no clue what to do at this point so I say, "ok" and put my hands in my lap and close my eyes in prayer sooooooooooo quickly (I did NOT want him asking me to hold hands during this prayer).
My friends who know this story typically ask, "What did he say in the prayer?" Well, I have no freaking clue. I was doing a little praying of my own during this quiet moment and my prayer went something like this, "Dear God, let me get through this date. Please tell me that no one is looking at us and laughing right now. I know I would be, and that may not make me a good person, but at least I'm honest. God, you must have me on this date so I could give my friends a good laugh...You've got some sense of humor..."
I make it through lunch, by the grace of God (now I'm the one getting religious). Now, this fool wants to take a walk on the beach. I appease him (see, not assertive at all!) and we drop our shoes off in the car. While he's taking his shoes off he tells me, "Sorry, but I'm missing my big toe nail. It's kind of gross." To make light of this awkward (and honestly, unnecessary - I would have NEVER noticed) moment I say something like, "Well, missing a toe nail is better than missing a leg!" (Get it? It's in reference to the story I told about Jamaica just days earlier). He looks at me like I have 17 eyes and then finally says, "Ohh that's kinda like what happened to you in Jamaica". Yep, Einstein, probably why I said it.
Fast-forward, we're driving home. At this point I've clearly had it and decide that I'm going to ask political questions just so I can prove him wrong (ok, maybe I can be a bit aggressive). This was right during the time of Prop 8, the Gay Marriage Proposition in CA. I vehemently support gay marriage but knew this right-wing Christian would be against it. I ask him why he doesn't support it and he quotes the usual "because the Bible says marriage can only be between man and a woman." (I understand this argument and don't discredit it, I just have a different opinion). He asks me why I support gay marriage and I tell him that I think it's wrong to take away human rights and because gay marriage is already constitutional in California, I can't believe we are voting to TAKE A WAY a human right. He looks at me dead seriously and says, "You honestly think it says that in our Constitution?". HAHAHA. Not only do I think that, pal, I KNOW that (back in 2008 at least). Luckily at this point we are exiting the freeway and I'm about to be home free. We pull up in front of my apartment complex and he asks if he should walk me in. I decline and speed away. The end.
Oh wait, not the end. A few days later he called and left a voicemail saying, "I think we have different beliefs so I don't think it's going to work out. Good luck to you in your career. And God Bless." CHRIST. After all of that, he "broke-up" with me!
To all my friends who already know this story - you know my vote. To all the people reading this the first time....Final Vote: McJesus Dud.
Bud or stud? That is the question...
It's the post you've all been waiting for! Last night I had Date #2 with Flaky McTallGuy. He's still tall, but I am considering a new first name nickname because he ain't so flaky anymore! He has totally redeemed himself.
We met in downtown Mountain View at a Chinese Restaurant that he chose, which ended up being super tasty - but, honestly, I am not one to judge when it comes to food. Actually, let me rewind for a second and tell you why he chose the restaurant. This is a good story.
It's mid-December, phone call #1 and we are setting up date #1. "Where should we meet?" I ask him. "Well, I'll let you make some suggestions... I'm not really a 'traditional' guy who has to make all the decisions for the couple," he says. I ponder this for a moment. Then, I am not quite sure where I get the balls, but I reply with: "Or you could just be a man and pick a place..." Yikes! I cannot stop myself from saying it and I regret it the instant it comes out. Where is the "Smart Ass ON/OFF button when I need it? I think for sure that it's going to be the end of our conversation, but he just laughs and says, "OK, I'll see what I can come up with."
Then, on date #1, he brings up the conversation! He's like, "Hey remember when you told me to be a man and pick a restaurant?" I giggle nervously. "I like that you did that. Sometimes I need to be put in my place."
Holy. Shiznit.
So, after passing the smart-ass test with Flaky, I felt really hopeful about this relationship. And after last night's date... I am feeling even more hopeful. Again, we had good conversation, he laughed at my jokes, and we even had some awkwardly serious discussions. There are many things about our dates that tend to be awkward - like when we went to leave and I had to tap the guy sitting behind me on the shoulder to ask him to get up and move his chair because he was sitting on my jacket - but I kind of like that because it keeps things interesting. Even though at this point he feels more like a "bud" than a "stud," I'm going to continue seeing him because I think there is potential for growth here. Perhaps Date #3 on Saturday will be the defining moment in our relationship. Will he finally cross that line from bud to stud? Will he be The One? Or at least The One For Now? We shall see.
Current vote: Bud, teetering on the edge of stud.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Mediocrity at it's finest
So, as Teachy McTallGirl explained, I recently joined match.com. What prompted this?? Well, I had been on match a few months back and met someone and suprisingly it didn't work out. I took a break from match for close to two months and when the calendar struck 2011, I decided to give it another go (plus, we decided to do this blog and I just HAD to participate).
For my first entry I figured I'd tell you a bit about the dude who brought me to this point. We're going to call him TallGuy McUnderBite.
It all began with a "wink". I had been inactive on my match account for a few months when TallGuy McUnderBite sent me a "wink". He was a big guy, 6'5, with dark hair - totally my style. I debated whether or not to reactive my account and eventually decide (with the prodding of friends) that it was worth a shot. I emailed him a few days later and the "relationship" went from there. A few emails (he seemed really normal - went to baseball games, saw his family, went to a movie, etc.), a few texts (NEVER a phone call), and a bunch of dates. My first impression of him was that he was good looking, funny in a sorta nerdy way, and nice. I wasn't overly in love, but besides his under bite, nothing was "wrong". We started going on dates about twice a week and he was always a gentleman, opened car doors (good job, buddy!), paid, etc.
I'm a pretty "go with the flow" type of a girl, so when all of our dates involved burgers and fries, I didn't particularly mind. Remember - I was never wowed, but things were always fine. I think my friends would tell you that I was starting to like him, but I was always a bit reserved because it never felt quite right. After about one month of "dating" I had a whirlwind 5 weeks lined up. I went out of town for work or fun (wedding in San Francisco, Houston for work, girls trip to Arizona, Thanksgiving at home, and Berkeley for business) for 3-4 days a week for five weeks straight. When a man can't make a phone call, it makes it hard to keep in touch during this much traveling. After week 3 of going away, I decided to have an in-person "talk" with him to see how he thought our "relationship" was going. We were sitting on the couch together, just beginning to make-out, when I pulled back and said something along the lines of, "I know I've been out of town a lot, so I wanted to ask you how you feel about it? How do you feel all of this is going?" He immediately pulled away from me in shock and blurted out "FINE." Well, clearly things were NOT FINE because that was the last time I ever heard from him. Hahaha. Seriously. Two months of dating, plans to hang-out the following week after my trip to Arizona, and to this day (2 months later), I've never heard a word. I hope no one is feeling too badly for me though, cause clearly I never reached out to him either. Didn't miss him at all and decided to take that as a sign we weren't meant to be. And as my favorite Jay-Z once said, "I'm onto the next one"...
Although TallGuy McUnderBite and I didn't workout, it did prove that it is possible to meet some good people on match and that's why I wanted to give it a second (that's a lie, this is my third) try. I've got a few emails out in the match world and hopefully some smart, funny, nice, tall guys will respond. You know once they do, you'll be the first to hear...
Oh and P.S. TallGuy McUnderBite and I are friends on facebook (not sure how much longer that'll last) and I've discovered that he has an abnormally large (pun intended) number of friendships with plus sized women. I'm not a small lady, and I'd say these women would make me look like Kate Moss. I guess I'm happy to say that I didn't fulfill his fetish needs for a large large lady. Yikes.
Final Vote: Dud.
For my first entry I figured I'd tell you a bit about the dude who brought me to this point. We're going to call him TallGuy McUnderBite.
It all began with a "wink". I had been inactive on my match account for a few months when TallGuy McUnderBite sent me a "wink". He was a big guy, 6'5, with dark hair - totally my style. I debated whether or not to reactive my account and eventually decide (with the prodding of friends) that it was worth a shot. I emailed him a few days later and the "relationship" went from there. A few emails (he seemed really normal - went to baseball games, saw his family, went to a movie, etc.), a few texts (NEVER a phone call), and a bunch of dates. My first impression of him was that he was good looking, funny in a sorta nerdy way, and nice. I wasn't overly in love, but besides his under bite, nothing was "wrong". We started going on dates about twice a week and he was always a gentleman, opened car doors (good job, buddy!), paid, etc.
I'm a pretty "go with the flow" type of a girl, so when all of our dates involved burgers and fries, I didn't particularly mind. Remember - I was never wowed, but things were always fine. I think my friends would tell you that I was starting to like him, but I was always a bit reserved because it never felt quite right. After about one month of "dating" I had a whirlwind 5 weeks lined up. I went out of town for work or fun (wedding in San Francisco, Houston for work, girls trip to Arizona, Thanksgiving at home, and Berkeley for business) for 3-4 days a week for five weeks straight. When a man can't make a phone call, it makes it hard to keep in touch during this much traveling. After week 3 of going away, I decided to have an in-person "talk" with him to see how he thought our "relationship" was going. We were sitting on the couch together, just beginning to make-out, when I pulled back and said something along the lines of, "I know I've been out of town a lot, so I wanted to ask you how you feel about it? How do you feel all of this is going?" He immediately pulled away from me in shock and blurted out "FINE." Well, clearly things were NOT FINE because that was the last time I ever heard from him. Hahaha. Seriously. Two months of dating, plans to hang-out the following week after my trip to Arizona, and to this day (2 months later), I've never heard a word. I hope no one is feeling too badly for me though, cause clearly I never reached out to him either. Didn't miss him at all and decided to take that as a sign we weren't meant to be. And as my favorite Jay-Z once said, "I'm onto the next one"...
Although TallGuy McUnderBite and I didn't workout, it did prove that it is possible to meet some good people on match and that's why I wanted to give it a second (that's a lie, this is my third) try. I've got a few emails out in the match world and hopefully some smart, funny, nice, tall guys will respond. You know once they do, you'll be the first to hear...
Oh and P.S. TallGuy McUnderBite and I are friends on facebook (not sure how much longer that'll last) and I've discovered that he has an abnormally large (pun intended) number of friendships with plus sized women. I'm not a small lady, and I'd say these women would make me look like Kate Moss. I guess I'm happy to say that I didn't fulfill his fetish needs for a large large lady. Yikes.
Final Vote: Dud.
getiin' busy
Last night I went on the first of four dates I have scheduled this week - it's time to get busy.
I was weary of this date from the start, but I wasn't going to worry myself about it because I made a decision when I joined match.com that I was going to give every guy a chance. OK, maybe not every guy, but definitely the guys that I felt I might be able to connect with.
Sweety McAspergers was a really sweet guy. I knew that from the start. He was open, honest, and funny. The only glitch: he was a texter. I don't mind texters, really, but only if the texts are every now and then followed by a phone call. But for over a week, the phone call never came. Everyday, like clockwork, Sweety would text me. It started to get frustrating. I have enough real people in my life that I can text with. An imaginary boyfriend is not what I'm looking for (although that reminds me of the great business idea that D, A, M and I came up with at brunch several months ago...). So eventually I asked him if there were ever going to be plans to go out on a date. He assured me that there would be, but those plans were still not made. He continued to text.
Finally, one evening after work, he called me. I picked up the phone and when he started talking, I realized there was a second glitch (and also, perhaps, the reason he hadn't called me sooner): there was something off about him. Was it Asperger's? I am not quite sure how else to put it, but he sounded just the teensiest bit socially awkward. Or maybe a lot socially awkward. And then it hit me - the reason why he hadn't called me sooner. He - like most texters - was hiding behind his phone. In written form, he was a communication pro. But in spoken form, Asperger's. I didn't want to deny him a date just because he didn't quite sound the way I thought he would, so I agreed to go out with him last night.
He picked an Indian restaurant (which apparently he frequents regularly) in Cupertino. It was fine by me - I will eat pretty much anything. So after some extreme car issues (car wouldn't start, C - our house husband - wasn't home to jump it for me and wasn't responding to my texts to let me borrow the Prius, so I had no choice but to steal his car. Sorry, C!), I headed to the restaurant. As I walked up to the place - which looked more like a cafeteria than a restaurant - I discovered glitch #3 (and the reason, perhaps, he didn't ask me out sooner): Awkward McDorkerson. Don't get me wrong, I love dorks. But this guy was dork to the extreme. And not just that, he looked kind of dumpy. He was wearing some 1989-era faded light blue jeans, a faded greyish long-sleeve sweater-shirt (maybe it used to be black?), and his hair looked like he shook his head when he came out of the shower and then never touched it again. I am generally not very picky about the way someone dresses (unless, of course, he is wearing a denim blazer. Completely unacceptable), but when a guy shows up to the first date in that, which is - technically - the best he can do, then I am just at a loss for words.
The date went fine. He held true to my original judgements of him - very sweet, honest, nice, and so on. But I just did not feel the attraction. And I kind of blame myself here. His profile featured just one picture of him (no doubt taken five or six years ago) and one picture of his dogs (super cute goldens). A word from the wise, ladies: if a guy has just one picture of himself, it probably means he has either let himself go, OR that pic just happens to be the one flattering pic of himself in his repertoire. DON'T FALL FOR THE ONE-PIC TRICKSTERS! He did text me to ask if I wanted to go out again. I feel bad saying no, so I agreed to coffee week after next (I am too busy with other dates this week and have no free time!). After coffee, I will let him down gently. Final vote: bud
In other dating news, I've got Date #2 scheduled for tonight with Flakey McTallGuy (tonight will determine whether or not his nickname gets changed.) So far, he has been redeeming himself with various phone calls and text messages. And now we are Facebook friends, which makes me more nervous than anything, but I am prepared to change my privacy settings!
Tuesday night is a first date with Foody McGradSchool. He seems fairly normal. He's a San Francisco native and worked in the restaurant biz for many years. I am a fan of foodies because that means they will pick really good first-date restaurants. He is currently in a counseling psychology grad program and hopes that this year will be "the most powerful year" of his life. I like that. he seems smart and thoughtful. He called me on Friday evening and we talked for about a half hour. It was good conversation. No Asperger's-ness, so I'm happy.
And then Friday night I have a first date with Whitey McMidwest. I like this guy. He was born in L.A. but moved to Illinois when he was 13. He went to the University of Illinois (where his mom works) and moved here to work in HR at Cisco. He's a big guy - 6'4", a few extra pounds, but also very active. he plays in a co-ed softball league and apparently is an avid bowler. I don't mind big guys, as long as they are not obese. Sometimes it's just genetics and it's not like I'm a super small girl. Either way, I am excited to meet him. He called me yesterday and we talked for an hour! It went by super quickly and I didn't even realize we were on the phone that long. So that's a really good sign.
All in all... three potentially stud-worthy dates coming up. My match.com fortune just might be turning around. It's about time!
tall girl fetish
Early last week, wearing not the most flattering outfit - jeans, Uggs, a long-sleeve Stanford t-shirt, and a puffy vest - I was shopping in Target. Pushing my cart down the cereal aisle, I am approached from behind. "Must be nice to be tall," a mystery shopper says. I stop and turn around. He is now standing right next me. "Yep, it is!" I say.
"How tall are you?"
"6 feet"
"Wow! Do you ever wear heels?"
"Sometimes."
"So then you must be 6'2" in your heels?"
"Yeah. Sometimes 6'3!"
He is clearly enamored. I am slightly creeped out. But at the same time, I am thinking, this guy's got some balls. Then he proves that he really does have balls. He says, "Would you like to get coffee with me sometime?"
I am taken aback. First, let me describe this guy. Let's call him Ballsy McIndian. He's 5'11", maybe 6'0", skinny, Indian, super nerdy looking. Probably an Enginerd. He's not my type in anyway whatsoever, but remember - I made the decision to give all guys a chance as long as they proved to be interesting in some way. It was pretty much because he asked me out in the middle of the cereal aisle at Target that I said yes to his coffee invitation. The truth is that I honestly have no interest in this guy.
So I gave him my number. He explained that he was new here (moved from Georgia) and that he worked at Google. He asked what I did and I told him I was a teacher. He was fascinated! I was slightly embarrassed as the person in the aisle behind us walked past, clearly noting our exchanging of phone numbers. After giving him my number, he promised he would call and walked away.
Nearly a week went by and I didn't hear from him. I had no feelings about that whatsoever. This is one guy I could live without. However, yesterday afternoon, I received a text from him apologizing for not contacting me sooner - he'd had a busy week. He asked if he could meet me for coffee "to catch up," as if we were old friends seeing each other again after years gone by. Ooooookay. So I texted him back to let him know that I was free the week of the 17th. Below is his response. It was too good not to take a screen shot and post:
WTF!? Seriously? Does this guy have some kind of creepy tall girl fetish? Is anyone else creeped out by this??? Eeew. Bottom line: that is one date I definitely will NOT be going on. I guess the freaks are everywhere. While you're highly likely to find them lurking online, you're also apt to find them lurking behind you in the cereal aisle at Target. Watch your back, ladies! Final vote: freak!
Friday, January 7, 2011
On paper
I should have seen it coming with Tooly McWankface. I mean the guy even actually referred to himself as a tool on multiple occasions. Is it a requirement of match.com men to lead with their flaws? Can't you keep those to yourself? Or at least until I've met your parents. Then maybe I could associate your self loathing behavior with some f-d up parental unit. Self deprecation is not sexy.
So what did I see in Tooly McWankface in the first place? Well I seem to have developed a taste for white collar douche bags. You are probably familiar with this breed of man-child. On the outside they look like they've got it all together. The job (accountant, lawyer, sales exec), the education (private schools their daddies paid for), the resume, the house, the car, the cuff links. But on the inside they are insecure adolescents with addictive personalities and debilitating Oedipus complexes.
Well Tooly was the epitome of white collar douchebagery. He was a classic workaholic and admittedly so. He told me this the day I met him. My white collar fantasies of briefcases and cocktail hours kept me interested. But eventually the extent of his workaholic douchebagery became exceedingly apparent. He was incapable of any spontaneous interaction. Compelled to report to his desk no later than 7am and stay put until 7pm; it was also a non negotiable requirement that he continue to work until midnight once he arrived at his empty apartment (which could pass for corporate housing). Sunday afternoon dinner party? Heck no-he's too busy for that. Spontaneous drink downtown-no its a school night.
The sad part is, when he could schedule me in, I really enjoyed spending time with him. I found him to be interesting, challenging, intelligent and surprisingly passionate. But what would the future hold? Me begging for a few hours of his Saturday, or cold dinners alone? So I had to ask him, even though I knew the answer-does this really qualify as a relationship to you? 4 hours a week? I spend more time with the baggers at Nob Hill. And though he admitted I was right, this was in no sense a relationship, he was not equipped to meet my dating expectations. So we (he) decided not to continue this "relationship" and reported this to me last night in a cold and distant phone call. I wept like he was my first love and thanked god he wasn't there to see me deconstruct, particularly since my mascara wasn't waterproof. He maintained an aloof and professional demeanor and treated me like a client. I hope I won't get a bill for that! I will miss his steady, strong energy and his big sad eyes. I won't miss feeling single when I have a boyfriend. Like his manhood, his existence was only on paper.
Now that Tooly McWankface has released me from the burden of trying to convince somebody to have a life, I am free to wander the streets of match.com again. Final vote: dud
So what did I see in Tooly McWankface in the first place? Well I seem to have developed a taste for white collar douche bags. You are probably familiar with this breed of man-child. On the outside they look like they've got it all together. The job (accountant, lawyer, sales exec), the education (private schools their daddies paid for), the resume, the house, the car, the cuff links. But on the inside they are insecure adolescents with addictive personalities and debilitating Oedipus complexes.
Well Tooly was the epitome of white collar douchebagery. He was a classic workaholic and admittedly so. He told me this the day I met him. My white collar fantasies of briefcases and cocktail hours kept me interested. But eventually the extent of his workaholic douchebagery became exceedingly apparent. He was incapable of any spontaneous interaction. Compelled to report to his desk no later than 7am and stay put until 7pm; it was also a non negotiable requirement that he continue to work until midnight once he arrived at his empty apartment (which could pass for corporate housing). Sunday afternoon dinner party? Heck no-he's too busy for that. Spontaneous drink downtown-no its a school night.
The sad part is, when he could schedule me in, I really enjoyed spending time with him. I found him to be interesting, challenging, intelligent and surprisingly passionate. But what would the future hold? Me begging for a few hours of his Saturday, or cold dinners alone? So I had to ask him, even though I knew the answer-does this really qualify as a relationship to you? 4 hours a week? I spend more time with the baggers at Nob Hill. And though he admitted I was right, this was in no sense a relationship, he was not equipped to meet my dating expectations. So we (he) decided not to continue this "relationship" and reported this to me last night in a cold and distant phone call. I wept like he was my first love and thanked god he wasn't there to see me deconstruct, particularly since my mascara wasn't waterproof. He maintained an aloof and professional demeanor and treated me like a client. I hope I won't get a bill for that! I will miss his steady, strong energy and his big sad eyes. I won't miss feeling single when I have a boyfriend. Like his manhood, his existence was only on paper.
Now that Tooly McWankface has released me from the burden of trying to convince somebody to have a life, I am free to wander the streets of match.com again. Final vote: dud
breaking up is hard to do
I broke up with Funny McJokester today. I had to do it. He picked me up for our date last night and as soon as I closed the door to the car, you could cut the tension with a knife. I think maybe after I had lectured him about liking me too much, he decided he was going to be Mr. Plays-it-Cool Guy. And Mr. Plays-it-Cool Guy is even more annoying than Mr. Likes-me-too-much. It felt like a scene out of a really bad movie: he had Bruce Springsteen on the radio, he was chomping on a piece of gum, and driving like an idiot, holding his cell phone in one hand and barely hanging on to the steering wheel with the other. Every now and then (cuz cool guys do this), he would sing along, loudly, to the lyrics of the song.
When we finally arrived at our destination (after I had to tell him which exit to take and where to park), I asked him if he had seen the restaurant as we drove past - just to get a sense of where we were going. "Nah," he said, too cool to bother. So as we're walking, there are two girls coming toward us and he shouts, "Excuse me ladies, do you know where X Restaurant is?" One girl starts to answer immediately. I look at her and I recognize her - it's my friend Haircut Girl, who works at the salon around the corner. I grab her arm to get her attention. She squeals! We hug and catch up for a few seconds. I realize at that moment that I am embarassed to be seen in public with this guy. I do a quick introduction, she gives us directions, and then I tell haircut girl I'll call her. Ugh. He makes no comment about me running into harcut girl. Instead, he is whistling - loudly - the last Springsteen song that was on the radio.
So at the restaurant, he is cracking lame, sarcastic jokes left and right and making comments about me "wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible." Little does he know... it is no joke. He is right. At one point, the manager comes by and asks how our food is. "It's terrible!" he shouts. "Wah ah ah ah!" (Big, annoying belly laugh). The manager looks horrified. "I'm just kidding," he wails again. She rolls her eyes and walks away. He turns to me: "You probably thought that was annoying?" "Yup," I say.
On the drive home, he made comments about marrying me. Jokes, I am sure, but who knows? When he dropped me off, he didn't bother getting out of his car (even after he had chided me just minutes earlier for not reaching over and unlocking the door for him after I got in the car. Who doesn't have a door unlocking clicker these days? I'm sorry, is it 1961?), so I reached over and gave him a hug. "Thanks for dinner," I said. The entire date - door to door - lasted approximately one hour and thirty minutes. When I made it safely into my house, I was certain that I had dodged a bullet with that guy, and that I would never hear from him again.
But then...! I received this text this morning: "Thanks again for a really nice time last night" DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT HIM!? OMG, I wanted to shout. Get a clue! But I didn't. Instead, I sent him a nice text back breaking up with him. "I just don't feel like the connection is there and I would hate to lead you on," I wrote.
His response: "ha ha ha ok" Ummmmm... yeah. Contact delete. Final, FINAL vote: Dud
On a happier note... literally, on the night that I was about to write him off, Flaky McTallGuy finally called me. I hadn't heard from him in four days (but who's counting), and he left me a voicemail apologizing for being so flaky. He had family in town, was busy with the holidays, etc. It seemed like a valid excuse and it was super cute when he said, "If you're still talking to me, give me a call back." So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I called him back, we chatted, and now we have a date set for Sunday night. I am excited for this one. There is real stud potentional here. I might have to change his nickname if he pulls through on Sunday. Date deets early next week! Current vote: Stud
When we finally arrived at our destination (after I had to tell him which exit to take and where to park), I asked him if he had seen the restaurant as we drove past - just to get a sense of where we were going. "Nah," he said, too cool to bother. So as we're walking, there are two girls coming toward us and he shouts, "Excuse me ladies, do you know where X Restaurant is?" One girl starts to answer immediately. I look at her and I recognize her - it's my friend Haircut Girl, who works at the salon around the corner. I grab her arm to get her attention. She squeals! We hug and catch up for a few seconds. I realize at that moment that I am embarassed to be seen in public with this guy. I do a quick introduction, she gives us directions, and then I tell haircut girl I'll call her. Ugh. He makes no comment about me running into harcut girl. Instead, he is whistling - loudly - the last Springsteen song that was on the radio.
So at the restaurant, he is cracking lame, sarcastic jokes left and right and making comments about me "wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible." Little does he know... it is no joke. He is right. At one point, the manager comes by and asks how our food is. "It's terrible!" he shouts. "Wah ah ah ah!" (Big, annoying belly laugh). The manager looks horrified. "I'm just kidding," he wails again. She rolls her eyes and walks away. He turns to me: "You probably thought that was annoying?" "Yup," I say.
On the drive home, he made comments about marrying me. Jokes, I am sure, but who knows? When he dropped me off, he didn't bother getting out of his car (even after he had chided me just minutes earlier for not reaching over and unlocking the door for him after I got in the car. Who doesn't have a door unlocking clicker these days? I'm sorry, is it 1961?), so I reached over and gave him a hug. "Thanks for dinner," I said. The entire date - door to door - lasted approximately one hour and thirty minutes. When I made it safely into my house, I was certain that I had dodged a bullet with that guy, and that I would never hear from him again.
But then...! I received this text this morning: "Thanks again for a really nice time last night" DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT HIM!? OMG, I wanted to shout. Get a clue! But I didn't. Instead, I sent him a nice text back breaking up with him. "I just don't feel like the connection is there and I would hate to lead you on," I wrote.
His response: "ha ha ha ok" Ummmmm... yeah. Contact delete. Final, FINAL vote: Dud
On a happier note... literally, on the night that I was about to write him off, Flaky McTallGuy finally called me. I hadn't heard from him in four days (but who's counting), and he left me a voicemail apologizing for being so flaky. He had family in town, was busy with the holidays, etc. It seemed like a valid excuse and it was super cute when he said, "If you're still talking to me, give me a call back." So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I called him back, we chatted, and now we have a date set for Sunday night. I am excited for this one. There is real stud potentional here. I might have to change his nickname if he pulls through on Sunday. Date deets early next week! Current vote: Stud
Thursday, January 6, 2011
he thinks he's a stud, but...
So tonight I have date #2 with Funny McJokester. Date #1: coffee at Starbucks followed by a jaunt through Borders. We had fun browsing the books and I bought a Ghost Hunters book that he recommended. I am super obsessed with those paranormal shows, like Ghost Hunters, and this is a book written by the two guys who started the T.A.P.S. (The Atlantic Paranormal Society) team, so it was a great recommendation.
There are some really great things about him. He's super funny, we have great rapport, and I feel oddly comfortable around him, like I've known him for a long time. However, he's dancing on an extremely thin line between stud and bud and there's really only one reason for that. He is too into me.
I know that I should be happy to have a dude who really likes me and who is very vocal about his feelings for me, but I have some issues with dudes who are into me after only two dates. 1) we don't know each other. 2) there is no challenge. I don't have to get him to like me. He already does. That is SOO boring!
So I am doing my best to go on this date with an open mind. I want him to be a stud. But my current vote is: Bud. We shall see...
There are some really great things about him. He's super funny, we have great rapport, and I feel oddly comfortable around him, like I've known him for a long time. However, he's dancing on an extremely thin line between stud and bud and there's really only one reason for that. He is too into me.
I know that I should be happy to have a dude who really likes me and who is very vocal about his feelings for me, but I have some issues with dudes who are into me after only two dates. 1) we don't know each other. 2) there is no challenge. I don't have to get him to like me. He already does. That is SOO boring!
So I am doing my best to go on this date with an open mind. I want him to be a stud. But my current vote is: Bud. We shall see...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
So many duds, so little studs
I've been match.coming for about a month now, so I have a list of duds to write about. I am crossing my fingers that some studs will appear, but it's not looking so hopeful...
So the first date I went on was with BoringMcAfrican. Straight up, this guy was a DUD. We met at Starbucks and I yawned at least three times. While maybe it's because this date took place over a month ago, I simply cannot think of a single thing he said. No, I take that back! I do remember that he was from some unpronounceable country in Africa. He was good looking enough, but I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down - and I was drinking caffeinated coffee! I bounced out of there ASAP (I said I had somewhere to be at 7pm) and I even managed to convince him NOT to walk me to my car. The best part: he emailed me a couple of days later and said, "I am not sure if we are a good match." REALLY? So I emailed him back and said, "I agree. You were way too boring for me." He never wrote back. Final vote: Dud
Next was Stalky McLuver. I really liked him at first. We met at a Vietnamese restaurant for Pho and had good conversation. There were two issues, though. 1) whenever I made jokes, he seemed to be laughing at me rather than with me. I felt a little bit like a circus freak or the court jester, like my soul purpose in his life was to entertain him and make him laugh. "Silly girl, do it again!" 2) He did not pay for dinner. When the bill came, it sat there for a while until I awkwardly said, "Should we split it?" "Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," he said. I begrudgingly pulled out my Visa card. So much for a free meal.
Things got really awkward on our second date. I decided to give him a second chance, despite the above-mentioned problems. So for date #2, we went to a wine bar on a rainy night and shared a bottle of wine. After about ten minutes, he inched as close to me as possible and then picked up my hand to hold it. Romantic? Maybe it should have been. But it was not. He continuously touched me, rubbed my legs, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, back. It was creepy. After the date (I had to cut it short because I was dog-sitting and needed to walk the dog), as he walked me to my car, he stopped me near a parking garage and kissed me with way-too-intense passion. I pulled away and told him I had to go. He pulled me closer. So I had no choice but to tug him in the direction of my car. Awkward goodbye kiss.
Even though my vajajay was telling me he was not the guy for me, I decided to give him one more chance. I figured if he liked me that much, I should try to like him back. Big mistake. Huge. So there was one major issue that was really bothering me about him, other than the fact that he practically molested me on our wine date. Every text message he sent me started or ended with "luv". "Hey luv, hope you're having a fantastic day." "Don't worry, luv, you can call me later." "Thanks, luv." Is it a term of endearment? Sure. Should he already have one for me after knowing me for two weeks? I don't think so.
So the next time I see him it's Christmas Eve. I told him I had to literally "squeeze him in" if he wanted to see me. He didn't seem to mind. We met for coffee at a Starbucks in my 'hood, next to the Borders where I was thinking of doing some Christmas shopping. I bought my own coffee cuz he was late. I was hoping he wouldn't show up. He showed up. Ugh. After I finished my coffee (he didn't get any. He prefered to just sit next to me and stare into my enticingly beautiful brown eyes), he suggested we walk around the complex. So we took a stroll around the complex, which included a grassy area that led to some apartments. I told him we had ten minutes to walk because I needed to get going on my Christmas shopping. When we got to the grassy area, he pulled me aside for another aggressive kiss. I knew right then that I wasn't into him. I pulled away and told him I had to go and squirmed my way to my car, but not before he stopped me, looked into my eyes and said, "I'm falling for you." WHAT!? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I said nothing. He also said, "I'm going to miss you." (he was leaving for Houston a couple of days later), "are you going to miss me?" "Suuuuure," I said. Then I got in my car and drove away.
I knew I had to reject him, but I felt bad. So after a couple of days, I sent him a message telling him that while I think he's great, I just don't think he's the one for me. Luckily, he took it well and I have not received a text message with the word "luv" in it ever since. Except from Franny. Final vote: Bud
I'll end this post with one more date: Flaky McTallGuy. I really had high hopes for Flaky. He was tall, smart, funny (he laughed with me and not at me), well-educated (went to Dartmouth), and even a little dorky, which is perfect for me. He had lived in a LA for a while and worked as a reality TV blog writer, which I thought was super cool. He was definitely a man after my own heart. Our date took place about a week before Christmas. We ate Sushi, had great conversation, and he PAID. Yes! Finally a free meal! And he walked me to my car afterwards. He asked me if I had a good time and if I wanted to do it again. I said, "Yes!" He said he would call me and gave me the tiniest little kiss on the lips. I knew he was leaving for New York a couple of days later, so I didn't expect a second date to happen before he left. But he did call and text me a few times, which made me think that he was still interested. Am I wrong to assume that?
He left for New York and texted me throughout the holiday - sent me a picture of his parents' house covered in snow, texted me updates about his return date (he was delayed two days because of airport closures), etc. But when he returned, he scheduled two "potential" dates with me, then canceled both times, claiming he was tired or busy. On New Year's Eve he sent me this text: "Sorry I have been no fun lately! Hope you have a great night tonight." Ummmm, ok, what does that mean? I haven't heard from him since. I am bummed because I thought he was a good match for me. But I guess maybe to him I was just a bud? Oh well, on to the next! Final vote: Bud
So the first date I went on was with BoringMcAfrican. Straight up, this guy was a DUD. We met at Starbucks and I yawned at least three times. While maybe it's because this date took place over a month ago, I simply cannot think of a single thing he said. No, I take that back! I do remember that he was from some unpronounceable country in Africa. He was good looking enough, but I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down - and I was drinking caffeinated coffee! I bounced out of there ASAP (I said I had somewhere to be at 7pm) and I even managed to convince him NOT to walk me to my car. The best part: he emailed me a couple of days later and said, "I am not sure if we are a good match." REALLY? So I emailed him back and said, "I agree. You were way too boring for me." He never wrote back. Final vote: Dud
Next was Stalky McLuver. I really liked him at first. We met at a Vietnamese restaurant for Pho and had good conversation. There were two issues, though. 1) whenever I made jokes, he seemed to be laughing at me rather than with me. I felt a little bit like a circus freak or the court jester, like my soul purpose in his life was to entertain him and make him laugh. "Silly girl, do it again!" 2) He did not pay for dinner. When the bill came, it sat there for a while until I awkwardly said, "Should we split it?" "Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," he said. I begrudgingly pulled out my Visa card. So much for a free meal.
Things got really awkward on our second date. I decided to give him a second chance, despite the above-mentioned problems. So for date #2, we went to a wine bar on a rainy night and shared a bottle of wine. After about ten minutes, he inched as close to me as possible and then picked up my hand to hold it. Romantic? Maybe it should have been. But it was not. He continuously touched me, rubbed my legs, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, back. It was creepy. After the date (I had to cut it short because I was dog-sitting and needed to walk the dog), as he walked me to my car, he stopped me near a parking garage and kissed me with way-too-intense passion. I pulled away and told him I had to go. He pulled me closer. So I had no choice but to tug him in the direction of my car. Awkward goodbye kiss.
Even though my vajajay was telling me he was not the guy for me, I decided to give him one more chance. I figured if he liked me that much, I should try to like him back. Big mistake. Huge. So there was one major issue that was really bothering me about him, other than the fact that he practically molested me on our wine date. Every text message he sent me started or ended with "luv". "Hey luv, hope you're having a fantastic day." "Don't worry, luv, you can call me later." "Thanks, luv." Is it a term of endearment? Sure. Should he already have one for me after knowing me for two weeks? I don't think so.
So the next time I see him it's Christmas Eve. I told him I had to literally "squeeze him in" if he wanted to see me. He didn't seem to mind. We met for coffee at a Starbucks in my 'hood, next to the Borders where I was thinking of doing some Christmas shopping. I bought my own coffee cuz he was late. I was hoping he wouldn't show up. He showed up. Ugh. After I finished my coffee (he didn't get any. He prefered to just sit next to me and stare into my enticingly beautiful brown eyes), he suggested we walk around the complex. So we took a stroll around the complex, which included a grassy area that led to some apartments. I told him we had ten minutes to walk because I needed to get going on my Christmas shopping. When we got to the grassy area, he pulled me aside for another aggressive kiss. I knew right then that I wasn't into him. I pulled away and told him I had to go and squirmed my way to my car, but not before he stopped me, looked into my eyes and said, "I'm falling for you." WHAT!? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I said nothing. He also said, "I'm going to miss you." (he was leaving for Houston a couple of days later), "are you going to miss me?" "Suuuuure," I said. Then I got in my car and drove away.
I knew I had to reject him, but I felt bad. So after a couple of days, I sent him a message telling him that while I think he's great, I just don't think he's the one for me. Luckily, he took it well and I have not received a text message with the word "luv" in it ever since. Except from Franny. Final vote: Bud
I'll end this post with one more date: Flaky McTallGuy. I really had high hopes for Flaky. He was tall, smart, funny (he laughed with me and not at me), well-educated (went to Dartmouth), and even a little dorky, which is perfect for me. He had lived in a LA for a while and worked as a reality TV blog writer, which I thought was super cool. He was definitely a man after my own heart. Our date took place about a week before Christmas. We ate Sushi, had great conversation, and he PAID. Yes! Finally a free meal! And he walked me to my car afterwards. He asked me if I had a good time and if I wanted to do it again. I said, "Yes!" He said he would call me and gave me the tiniest little kiss on the lips. I knew he was leaving for New York a couple of days later, so I didn't expect a second date to happen before he left. But he did call and text me a few times, which made me think that he was still interested. Am I wrong to assume that?
He left for New York and texted me throughout the holiday - sent me a picture of his parents' house covered in snow, texted me updates about his return date (he was delayed two days because of airport closures), etc. But when he returned, he scheduled two "potential" dates with me, then canceled both times, claiming he was tired or busy. On New Year's Eve he sent me this text: "Sorry I have been no fun lately! Hope you have a great night tonight." Ummmm, ok, what does that mean? I haven't heard from him since. I am bummed because I thought he was a good match for me. But I guess maybe to him I was just a bud? Oh well, on to the next! Final vote: Bud
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