By LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian
So I am adding my dating woes to this blog in an effort to emotionally detach myself from my dating disasters. As Teachy has named me, I am LooksLike[Her] McHalfAsian. I really should start this off describing my relationship with LiarLiarPantsOnFire You’reMcMarried, but there is not enough time in the world for that one!
So we will start, instead, with SizeIsNotAlwaysProportionate McTooTall. Ok that was a low blow… pun intended! Though we met through match.com, McTooTall and I had a mutual friend, which actually got the ball rolling for us. I probably would have never let him into my house otherwise, but he seemed nice, cute, and athletic and came with good reviews. I have to admit, I began my relationship with McTooTall while was I still wrapping up the devastation of ending things with LiarLiar. Can we all say “REBOUND!?” I really don’t think McTooTall was too hurt by this. He got what he wanted – a casual, non-assuming, fit-you-in-when-we-can relationship… well, until last summer, that is.
Early July comes around and so does the frightful comment, “I want to have a baby with you!” I know all of you would assume this was coming from the chick, but nope, that was not me! I guess guys have biological clocks, too. My response: “Is this a joke???” Okay, my tact and kindness filter flew out the window there. Who says things like that when you are not in a whole-hearted, committed, loving relationship??? And girls get bad raps for crap like this! Oh yes, McTooTall was dead serious! After many discussions and not being completely sold, he throws in, “You want me to move in here?” I enabled my filter this time, “Ahhh, okay…” Subject dropped! After weeks of, “I hope you are pregnant,” and “I hope I knocked you up last night,” and text messages of “I want to impregnate you tonight.” Dude, I’m still on the PILL! (Side note, at the time my cell phone would verbally read aloud message. A text message like this can be a show stopper while out hiking with not-so-close friends. Some impromptu coughing on my part was needed.) Low and behold, he got his wish, but not by choice on my part. I was off the pill due to a 104-degree temperature and being comatose for 3 days. I had a pretty severe case of strep. I did not move for days and my pill was farthest from my mind. He begged me not to get back on.
More text messages: “Do you love me?”
I learned once… filter! My response, “Can I trust you?”
“YES!”
“Then I guess I could (at some point)…”
Then one day (mind you, he had stood me up the night before on my Mom’s birthday) comes: “Would you marry me?”
Ladies, don’t get excited here, this was not a proposal, this was merely a clarification for future reference. My response, “Ummm, when I’m ready…” Let’s just say this was the beginning of the end. Not that there was really a stable future here; after all I did start this on a rebound.
So McTooTall begins to realize what he is asking of me and flip out at his requests… aaah yeah! Then, I get asked out by another guy, Mc Masseuse (future blog) and McTooTall literally flips a lid. This would be the last time I actually see McTooTall. I soon go on vacation to Zion and Vegas and I know McTooTall and I are done, just not technically.
October 6th… Happy Birthday to me! I had returned from Vegas the night before and since it was my birthday, I thought that it might be nice to see the guy I am supposedly seeing.
Two text messages and one voicemail later, he finally responds via text : “I met someone else; maybe we shouldn’t see each other.”
Me: “When were you planning to tell me?”
Him: “Not sure. Have a happy birthday!”
Needless to say, Vegas did not go to waste. Thank you BlueEyed McTriGuy! Less than two days into my break up diet and I was knocking on McLawyer’s door. (Not to sue TooTall but to get over him [another blog]).
After being together for more than a year, rating him as a dud may be too nice…
That’s alright, because just a few weeks later, I met (and subsequently had my heart broken by) EmotionallyUnavailable McSurfer. This one is still a very fresh wound (a much, much later blog). And just for clarification, McSurfer was not a rebound… but the next guy will be!
Final vote: dud
***Want to submit your match.com dud dating disaster? Post a comment with your email address and we'll get back to you!
Showing posts with label half Asian. Show all posts
Showing posts with label half Asian. Show all posts
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Feeling sparkly
Oh man, I've got a LOT to write about. So let's start from the beginning.
Update #1:
I was having a really nice, chill date with Blondie McSmartyPants on Friday night. We went to Falalfel's Drive-In and enjoyed the most delectable dinner. Then, we watched "I Used to Be Fat" (while eating falafels, dolmas, and French fries. We had both finished our milkshakes on the drive home), and gushed over how handsome the previously fat teenager looked after his weight loss. OMG, seriously, he was SO HANDSOME!
So, things were going great until just a few minutes before Blondie left. I received a text message from... wait for it... Ballsy McIndian. Dude is relentless! He sent me a message letting me know that he was free to meet either Sunday or next week. I texted him back telling him I was free to meet NEVER. OK, I wasn't that mean, but I had to just nip things in the bud. I never was and never will be interested in Ballsy. That is the bottom line. So I texted him to tell him that I didn't think it was going to work out.
This started a long chain of textuments (text arguments) back and forth between ballsy and I. Now, some of you might say, "Dude, why did you even respond?" And the answer to that, my friends, is that I am incapable of losing an argument to idiots. So, I had no choice but to continuously respond to Ballsy until he finally got the point. He responded to my rejection by asking for some "constructive feedback." OK, because this is totally a business transaction, right? So, I told him (for constructive feedback purposes): 1) his obsession with my height was creepy, and (for reasons why I cannot go out on a date with him, which was really just me being nice and trying to throw some sort of excuse out there): 2) I am busy.
Oh man, Ballsy could not let it go (but then again, neither could I). He texted me back a multi-text response, which came broken up and out of order. Something about accepting the constructive feedback, trying to explain his creepy obsession with my height (it was an ice breaker. Umm, ok whatever), and then offering some unsolicited feedback for me, to which I responded: "I don't remember ever asking you for feedback." This got him fired up! His response left me laughing. I believe it said, "I am sorry if my feedback hurt you." HA! OK, buddy. By this time, btw, it was nearing midnight and all I wanted to do was go to bed. My last two text messages to him pretty much said it all: "Get over it" and "Please stop harassing me". It was a serious war of words. And I won. Duh. After I received a final text message from him, which did not warrant a response, I deleted all of the text messages as well as his contact information from my phone. Hands washed clean.
Well, guess what, people... it doesn't end there! Yesterday morning, I received a text from him: "Dont want to disturb you. Just wanted to say sorry for the exchange on friday." This poor soul was clearly torn up all weekend. I, on the other hand, did not think about it at all. In fact, I forgot it even happened. So, I am not sure what that says about me, except what we already know. It does not need to be said. And yes, it rhymes with witch. Ugh. Final vote: dud, with a side of freak!
Update #2:
Let me preface this by saying that I am nervous about writing this particular post because I don't want to jinx anything... but, here goes. Saturday night I had my second date with VolleyBall McBulgarian. We had discussed on our previous date that we didn't want to just do another dinner, but something more interactive, so we decided on bowling. He picked a bowling alley near his 'hood, which was nice (it was great, actually, as it minimized the chance of me running into someone I know, especially a student. Can you say, awkward?).
When we got to the bowling alley at 8pm, the League bowlers were still wrapping up, so we had to wait 45 minutes before we could get a lane. He asked if I had eaten yet (I had, duh - it was 8pm - but I told him I'd have a beer while he ate), so we headed to the Round Table across the parking lot. We talked about being nervous on dates, writing, and shopping at Target (he asked me where I got my boots. Where do you think? I asked him where he got his shirt. He shops at Target, too!) It was, really, a riveting conversation.
When he finished his pizza, we headed back to the bowling alley and bowled three games. I am really a terrible bowler. I mean TERRIBLE! And no matter how much I try to improve my technique, I will always suck. He beat me in all three games (I have to say, not by much, though) and I told him, of course, that I let him win. :)
When our games were over, we finished our beers and then headed outside. It was pretty obvious that neither one of us wanted the date to end. I hugged him and he went in for the kiss. SCORE! We then proceeded to talk, while wrapped in an embrace, outside of the bowling alley for another 45 minutes. This was awkward for me because I am not a publicly affectionate person. He, however, did not seem to mind. So I pushed my awkwardness aside, because despite the fact that I was so overly aware of each and every person who walked by, standing there in his arms felt really nice. We eventually decided we should go home and after a quick kiss, we ran in opposite directions out of the rain and to our cars. I felt so sparkly at the end of the date, I could not stop smiling, and I now I am sitting here thinking about how I can't wait to see him again. I don't know what you're thinking, but the experts tell me that this is a good sign.
We have Date #3 scheduled for Wednesday night. Is this the stud I've been waiting for? We shall see... Current vote: stud!
Update #3:
So I was hanging out with my friend LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian, who is also on match.com. We were browsing through her emails when I noticed that there was one guy who looked familiar. "Hey! That guy emailed me, too!" I said. We laughed and decided, "Duh," because LooksLikeMe is pretty much the half-Asian version of me. We are nearly the same height, dark hair, dark skin, and pretty much the same build. She is on my triathlon team and people confuse us all the time. It is no surprise that there are men out there who might find not one, but both of us attractive.
So the day goes on and LooksLikeMe and I head over to Blondie's house for dinner. In the middle of dinner, I receive a phone call from an unprogrammed number (honestly, this could be anyone. I have given my number out to so many dudes since I joined match.com, I can no longer keep track). I listen to the voicemail and I realize it is from Mr. McClearlyHasATypeAndItsUs. "OMG!" I say! "LooksLikeMe! You gotta email this guy back." So she pulls up her phone and sends him the following message: "Hi, I am having dinner with my friend Teachy, who is also on match, and who you just called. She says she'll call you back tomorrow."
Oh... snap! We all got a good laugh out of that one, but we are not quite sure if he got it (he does not appear to be the sharpest tool in the shed), as he wrote back: "Oh, sorry. Enjoy your dinner." And this is what happens when you and every single person you know joins match.com. Sorry Mr., but I ain't calling you back. Final vote: dud
Update #1:
I was having a really nice, chill date with Blondie McSmartyPants on Friday night. We went to Falalfel's Drive-In and enjoyed the most delectable dinner. Then, we watched "I Used to Be Fat" (while eating falafels, dolmas, and French fries. We had both finished our milkshakes on the drive home), and gushed over how handsome the previously fat teenager looked after his weight loss. OMG, seriously, he was SO HANDSOME!
So, things were going great until just a few minutes before Blondie left. I received a text message from... wait for it... Ballsy McIndian. Dude is relentless! He sent me a message letting me know that he was free to meet either Sunday or next week. I texted him back telling him I was free to meet NEVER. OK, I wasn't that mean, but I had to just nip things in the bud. I never was and never will be interested in Ballsy. That is the bottom line. So I texted him to tell him that I didn't think it was going to work out.
This started a long chain of textuments (text arguments) back and forth between ballsy and I. Now, some of you might say, "Dude, why did you even respond?" And the answer to that, my friends, is that I am incapable of losing an argument to idiots. So, I had no choice but to continuously respond to Ballsy until he finally got the point. He responded to my rejection by asking for some "constructive feedback." OK, because this is totally a business transaction, right? So, I told him (for constructive feedback purposes): 1) his obsession with my height was creepy, and (for reasons why I cannot go out on a date with him, which was really just me being nice and trying to throw some sort of excuse out there): 2) I am busy.
Oh man, Ballsy could not let it go (but then again, neither could I). He texted me back a multi-text response, which came broken up and out of order. Something about accepting the constructive feedback, trying to explain his creepy obsession with my height (it was an ice breaker. Umm, ok whatever), and then offering some unsolicited feedback for me, to which I responded: "I don't remember ever asking you for feedback." This got him fired up! His response left me laughing. I believe it said, "I am sorry if my feedback hurt you." HA! OK, buddy. By this time, btw, it was nearing midnight and all I wanted to do was go to bed. My last two text messages to him pretty much said it all: "Get over it" and "Please stop harassing me". It was a serious war of words. And I won. Duh. After I received a final text message from him, which did not warrant a response, I deleted all of the text messages as well as his contact information from my phone. Hands washed clean.
Well, guess what, people... it doesn't end there! Yesterday morning, I received a text from him: "Dont want to disturb you. Just wanted to say sorry for the exchange on friday." This poor soul was clearly torn up all weekend. I, on the other hand, did not think about it at all. In fact, I forgot it even happened. So, I am not sure what that says about me, except what we already know. It does not need to be said. And yes, it rhymes with witch. Ugh. Final vote: dud, with a side of freak!
Update #2:
Let me preface this by saying that I am nervous about writing this particular post because I don't want to jinx anything... but, here goes. Saturday night I had my second date with VolleyBall McBulgarian. We had discussed on our previous date that we didn't want to just do another dinner, but something more interactive, so we decided on bowling. He picked a bowling alley near his 'hood, which was nice (it was great, actually, as it minimized the chance of me running into someone I know, especially a student. Can you say, awkward?).
When we got to the bowling alley at 8pm, the League bowlers were still wrapping up, so we had to wait 45 minutes before we could get a lane. He asked if I had eaten yet (I had, duh - it was 8pm - but I told him I'd have a beer while he ate), so we headed to the Round Table across the parking lot. We talked about being nervous on dates, writing, and shopping at Target (he asked me where I got my boots. Where do you think? I asked him where he got his shirt. He shops at Target, too!) It was, really, a riveting conversation.
When he finished his pizza, we headed back to the bowling alley and bowled three games. I am really a terrible bowler. I mean TERRIBLE! And no matter how much I try to improve my technique, I will always suck. He beat me in all three games (I have to say, not by much, though) and I told him, of course, that I let him win. :)
When our games were over, we finished our beers and then headed outside. It was pretty obvious that neither one of us wanted the date to end. I hugged him and he went in for the kiss. SCORE! We then proceeded to talk, while wrapped in an embrace, outside of the bowling alley for another 45 minutes. This was awkward for me because I am not a publicly affectionate person. He, however, did not seem to mind. So I pushed my awkwardness aside, because despite the fact that I was so overly aware of each and every person who walked by, standing there in his arms felt really nice. We eventually decided we should go home and after a quick kiss, we ran in opposite directions out of the rain and to our cars. I felt so sparkly at the end of the date, I could not stop smiling, and I now I am sitting here thinking about how I can't wait to see him again. I don't know what you're thinking, but the experts tell me that this is a good sign.
We have Date #3 scheduled for Wednesday night. Is this the stud I've been waiting for? We shall see... Current vote: stud!
Update #3:
So I was hanging out with my friend LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian, who is also on match.com. We were browsing through her emails when I noticed that there was one guy who looked familiar. "Hey! That guy emailed me, too!" I said. We laughed and decided, "Duh," because LooksLikeMe is pretty much the half-Asian version of me. We are nearly the same height, dark hair, dark skin, and pretty much the same build. She is on my triathlon team and people confuse us all the time. It is no surprise that there are men out there who might find not one, but both of us attractive.
So the day goes on and LooksLikeMe and I head over to Blondie's house for dinner. In the middle of dinner, I receive a phone call from an unprogrammed number (honestly, this could be anyone. I have given my number out to so many dudes since I joined match.com, I can no longer keep track). I listen to the voicemail and I realize it is from Mr. McClearlyHasATypeAndItsUs. "OMG!" I say! "LooksLikeMe! You gotta email this guy back." So she pulls up her phone and sends him the following message: "Hi, I am having dinner with my friend Teachy, who is also on match, and who you just called. She says she'll call you back tomorrow."
Oh... snap! We all got a good laugh out of that one, but we are not quite sure if he got it (he does not appear to be the sharpest tool in the shed), as he wrote back: "Oh, sorry. Enjoy your dinner." And this is what happens when you and every single person you know joins match.com. Sorry Mr., but I ain't calling you back. Final vote: dud
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