Maybe I should take a page from Blondie's book and rewrite my profile. It's probably about time, don't you think? I tell myself yes, that there are lots of things I need to do. But right now I am feeling the teensiest bit burnt out. OK, I lie. I am completely burnt out. And not just from match.com dating, but from numerous facets of my life.
To begin, my job is challenging. I am about 3/4 of the way through my second year of full-time teaching and it ain't easy, people. I am feeling the burn! With four different courses to prep for and very little time in the day, my brain is constantly working. To be honest, I don't think my brain has worked this hard in years - not even when I was in grad school and certainly not when I was in my last job!
Next, I am in the process of looking for a new place to live. While this is not an emotionally difficult thing to do (it is actually an opportunity that I am really excited about), it is a very time-consuming and brain-using activity. I never knew I would have to use my brain so much outside of work! I always thought leaving work meant turning the brain off in order to make room for crappy reality television. Boy, was I wrong!
Finally, I just finished "training" and "competing in" a triathlon. I use the term "training" and "competing" loosely because I actually did hardly anything, physically, to prepare for this triathlon. But since I was serving as a support staff member, my duties this training season extended beyond simply just exercising. Those duties required brain power and other acts that are a step up from vegging in front of the TV.
So with these things in mind, I am simply exhausted. Beat. Mowed down. Who has time, after all that, for online dating? Not me. And that's clear in my actions. I am not blogging as much as I once was. I am waaaay less enthusiastic about my dating adventures. I am not oozing with positive energy. I am canceling on dates for no good reason. And I am, as per usual, trying to squeeze 25 hours of activity out of one 24-hour day. I am making life miserable for myself. I know and you know that I will never find a huzband like this.
So I've decided - after the three dates that I had scheduled for last week (see what I mean???) - that now is a good time to take a break. It won't be a super long break, I promise! But it will be a break that will last long enough to get me through post-triathlon soreness and team wrap-up, and to get me caught up with work - I will grade every single paper that has been turned in to date! Thankfully, the apartment hunting is already on hold until it gets closer to our move-in date, which isn't until July. What is important here is that I focus my energy in the right place. And right now, that is not on match.com. I will let Blondie take over the blogging for a while. I know y'all need to have your minds satiated with the exciting details of some poor single lady's dating life, so Blondie... it's all you!
But before I go, let me fill you in on last week's maction... To begin, my strong desire to take a break from match.com made going on my dates feel more like burdens than exciting adventures. So, I had Date #1 with CouldBeGhetto McPoorGuy on Monday night last week. Since he lives in San Francisco, we met halfway - in San Mateo - for a late dinner at KingFish ("Eat like a king, drink like a fish." Yup). It was an entertaining enough date. We got along really well and had a lot to talk about. He works for a non-profit in the City, which helps underpriveleged teens and young adults turn their lives around. I wanted to ask him (and I am not being judgemental here, but it is probably important to know that he is African American) if he had previously been one of these "troubled, underpriveleged teens," but I didn't want to offend him, so I kept that question to myself. But honestly, he definitely fit the profile of a reformed gang member... just sayin.
Instead of talking about the thug life, we talked about things like where he went to college, sports (because I am such a sports nut, duh), our lives growing up in the Bay Area, etc. I learned that he played football in high school and college, he drives a black Mustang with black rims (that is where the CouldBeGhetto nickname originates from. That, and some of his profile pictures wearing wife beaters and diamond-studded sunglasses), and he went to college in Oregon. Educated, interesting, athletic... wait a second, this guy sounds like a winner, right? Yeah, a bi-winner!
I probably would have been excited for a second date, but he totally ruined his stud status by suggesting that we split the dinner bill! Ugh. Are you kidding? So now I'm out another $30 because this guy's mama never taught him manners. Or he's just really, really poor. Both serious possibilities. Both total turn-offs. So bitterly, I pulled out my wallet and threw down my credit card. He knew I was going to be out of town for my triathlon, so he told me to call him when I returned. Needless to say, I will not be making that phone call. Boo to you, Mr. Cheapskate! Final vote: dud.
Next, on Tuesday was Date #2 with NeedsToEatACheeseburger McMichigan. We met for a drink - yet another sign of this guy's penny-pinching as well... still no offer to take me to dinner - at an Irish bar in Mountain View. He was 25 minutes late. Steeeee-rike 2! I got there a few minutes early, ordered myself a drink and some dinner. (This place is known for their awesome happy hour, with cheap food and drinks, so I wanted to get my order in before happy hour ended, which was at 6:30. We were meeting at 6). When he finally strolled in at 6:25, I urged him to get his order in quickly before happy hour ended. He didn't seem to be worried. We ended up chatting for an hour. It felt forced and all I could think about was when it would be too soon to say, "Well, I've gotta get going..."
And, to make matters worse, I ended up paying for his drink, since I had put my card down at the bar when I was waiting for him to arrive. That's two dates in a row where I had to pay! What is up with that? I am clearly choosing the wrong men. It's pretty obvious that I am not into this guy. I could see myself being friends with him as we definitely had a similar sense of humor. But I am certainly not going to send out a friend request on Facebook. To be honest, this relationship is done-zo. Final vote: bud.
Finally, I had Date #1 scheduled with AwkwardSilences McUnprounceableFirstName on Wednesday. Two things went wrong with this "date." First, I had attended a conference earlier that day where there was some interesting "Chinese" food being served. I, being the fat girl that I am, served myself two helpings of the concoction. Mmmm it was tasty. Later that day, as my Night School class was coming to a close, I had the nearly uncontrollable urge to run to the toilet. I was about three seconds away from an unfortunate accident. Luckily, I made it. As to be expected, having a near-accident in your pants is not the way you want to be feeling just before your first date. So I called to see if we could reschedule. Now, this is partly where the second problem comes in.
His mannerisms on the phone reminded me a little too much of the late-January dating disaster, Geeky McEastSlow. Yep, that would be the one who announced his Special Ed status to me at the dinner table, just before he asked to take the bread to go. So after two three-minute-long awkward silencey phone conversations, I was starting to worry about the social skills of my upcoming date. And, on top of that, he had a first name that I absolutely could not figure out how to pronounce! Before even meeting this guy in person, I could tell that it wasn't going to work. I told him we would reschedule for this week, but I am not feeling it whatsoever. My spidey senses are certainly NOT tingling. Final vote: dud.
I honestly believe that the universe was speaking to me last week... it sent me three good reasons to taking a match.com hiatus. I am listening, universe!
Showing posts with label dud. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dud. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
What gives? Round 2.
So, Blondie and I went on a date on Saturday night to go see the critically acclaimed film, "Hall Pass." Blondie's choice, people, not mine. We arrived early so decided that the only way two old ladies like us would stay awake for the entirety of a 2-hour movie that starts at 8pm, would be if we grabbed a Starbucks, which is located just next-door to the movie theatre.
So we go in and Blondie, being the great date that she is, buys me my drink. Awww... I love my husband. As she's paying, I walk away to go stand next to the barista area - where people go to wait for their drinks. I literally have to squeeze past this man, who is on his cell phone, in order to get to the proper waiting area. As I am walking past, I hear him saying, "Hello? Uh... hello...?" and I think to myself that he is clearly talking to the person on the other end of the phone. Damn AT&T. But then I hear, "Natalie?" I spin around. I recognize him immediately but pretend that I have no idea who he is. "Hi," I say. Blondie is looking at my with a skeptical eye. I shoot a Fudge, this is awkward. Get me outta here look right back at her. "I believe we met on match," he says to me. Don't "I believe" me, Mister. You know my name! You very well know where we met. "Ohhhhhh..." I say, still shooting sideways glances at Blondie. Please save me. "What's your name?" I ask. Of course, I know his name. I think. "Winky McWhatGives" he responds. Duh. Of course it is.
Now let's rewind for a second. You all remember Winky McWhatGives, don't you? How could you forget? And let's say you have forgotten - I think then it's time you scroll through the archives and find the post entitled "What Gives" and you shall discover why the last thing I EVER wanted to do in my life EVER... was run into this guy in Starbucks.
"What are you doing here," he asks? "Oh, my friend, Blondie, and I are going to see a movie. You?" "Me, too! I am going to see 'Hall Pass.'" Yep. How did I know? Please don't ask if you can sit with us. Please don't ask if you can sit with us. He does not ask to sit with us, but he does continue to shoot the shit as he looks me up and down with hungry eyes (according to Blondie - "Did you SEE the way he was looking at you?"). Ugh. Finally, he asks if he can call me. I cannot reject this guy for, like, a fifth time in the middle of Starbucks when we are about to go sit in the same tiny movie theatre to watch the same lame movie as him. "Sure," I say, clearly with reluctance - clenched teeth and a quivering lip. He cannot sense my reluctance, though, because all he sees is this amazing aura of light around me. I am an angel sent from the heavens and our miraculously running into each other in Starbucks is surely a sign from God that we should be together. It is fate!
Finally, he realizes that I am on a date and he excuses himself to order his coffee. Blondie and I grab our drinks from the barista - why did they take SO LONG to make our drinks? Oh, right, because Blondie had to wait for her decaf coffee to brew. We literally run out of Starbucks. In the theatre, we sit as high up as possible and hide. BTW, this guy is alone. So he is clearly not getting a lot of hits on match.com. Gee, I wonder why? Thankfully, we never see him enter or exit the theatre. We make it out of there safely. *Phew!*
Fast-forward to Sunday night. I receive a phone call at 10pm (side note: do not call me at 10pm on a Sunday night. I am sleeping. Guaranteed). It wakes me up. It is Winky, who leaves a voice message. O.M.G. this guy is clueless. He says, "It was great running into you on Saturday night!" No it wasn't. He asks if we can catch up. I do not call him back. I will not call him back. Why is it the freaks who love me the most? Why? Why? WHY? Seriously, what gives? This vote has already been cast, but in case you need to be reminded: FREAK!
And now for the lightning-speed updates on the rest of my dating life:
1) Okie McDogRescuer never called. WAH! I liked him! Final vote: Bud.
2) MountainBiker McChristian also stopped calling. Aww shucks. But in reality... don't care. And, as it turns out, he is the SAME guy that NicestFriend McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate went on a date with about a year ago! Same thing happened to her! Clearly, this guy is NOT a keeper. And he has no type because McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate and I look nothing alike. Final vote: Dud.
3) Final update - not so lightning speed, though. This deserves a full explanation. So for a second, I was communicating with a new potenty: eHarmony McTayeDiggsLookalike. He was smokin'! We actually met on eHarmony late 2009 (clearly, I have tried them all, people. Multiple times. I never seem to learn my lesson). We went on one date to Starbucks. He was very handsome in person, but he was a flaky mctallguy for sure. At some point early last year, just before I started dating Douchey, he got "busy" and we stopped communicating (which was just texting, btw, because he didn't like talking on the phone. Hello, red flag)! So I get this email on match a week ago and it's from this guy. I could not remember his name. I am very upfront with him and I tell him that I am not looking for a text buddy and that if he is interested in a serious relationship, then he should call me. Oh, and btw, what's your name again? A couple of days later, I get a text from him: "Hey, what's up." Clearly, he did not get the message. In my text back I told him that he needed to ask me out on a date or we were done-zo. So he responds and asks if I would like to come over to his house and "chill." WHAT!? Are you serious? I tell him no, that I want to go on a real date. He is resistant but agrees that maybe we can meet at Rancho for a walk. Ahh... much more my style. We don't end up going on that date, though, because, WTF?, it is snowing in San Jose. Instead, we make plans to schedule something else later. FYI - still no phone call from this guy. I decide to hold out for him, though, because he is incredibly good looking.
So Tuesday afternoon comes around and I get a text from him. He asks me, again, if I want to go to house his and chill. OK, how much clearer can I be? NO! I want to go on a real date! I am angry and pretty much write that word for word. After about an hour of text arguing with him, he writes this: "I'll be upfront and candid... I have no intent of wining and dining anyone until I feel as if they are someone I have a mental and physical connection with and can see myself with."
I am so irritated by this point, so I write back (over a series of text messages): "How do you expect to ever make a connection with someone if you don't go on a date? I was never asking you to buy me fancy dinners. Meeting over coffee or for a drink works just fine. Or even talking to me on the phone. You do realize that there are creeps, rapists, and sex fiends on the internet, right? So when you ask a girl to come over to your house when you don't know her, you are going to come across as one of the above. It's not to say that you are one of the above, but you could be. How do I know? I am protecting myself when I ask to meet you in a public place." This is apparently funny to him because the message I get back says, "LOL." Yeah, I am sure you were laughing out loud.
"Though I get your point," he writes, "a rapist, sex fiend, or stalker is going to be the same person after one date or 100 dates... Look, I am not knocking your reluctance. I invited, you declined, it really isn't that big of a deal." He is right. And I am SO OVER HIM at this point. Even if he was Taye Diggs, I would have sent this same message back: "Ok well it's not going to work for me, so good luck!" And here is the kicker... His response: "K. Just let me know" HA! Now I am totally LOLing! Final vote: Idiot... er, I mean Dud.
So we go in and Blondie, being the great date that she is, buys me my drink. Awww... I love my husband. As she's paying, I walk away to go stand next to the barista area - where people go to wait for their drinks. I literally have to squeeze past this man, who is on his cell phone, in order to get to the proper waiting area. As I am walking past, I hear him saying, "Hello? Uh... hello...?" and I think to myself that he is clearly talking to the person on the other end of the phone. Damn AT&T. But then I hear, "Natalie?" I spin around. I recognize him immediately but pretend that I have no idea who he is. "Hi," I say. Blondie is looking at my with a skeptical eye. I shoot a Fudge, this is awkward. Get me outta here look right back at her. "I believe we met on match," he says to me. Don't "I believe" me, Mister. You know my name! You very well know where we met. "Ohhhhhh..." I say, still shooting sideways glances at Blondie. Please save me. "What's your name?" I ask. Of course, I know his name. I think. "Winky McWhatGives" he responds. Duh. Of course it is.
Now let's rewind for a second. You all remember Winky McWhatGives, don't you? How could you forget? And let's say you have forgotten - I think then it's time you scroll through the archives and find the post entitled "What Gives" and you shall discover why the last thing I EVER wanted to do in my life EVER... was run into this guy in Starbucks.
"What are you doing here," he asks? "Oh, my friend, Blondie, and I are going to see a movie. You?" "Me, too! I am going to see 'Hall Pass.'" Yep. How did I know? Please don't ask if you can sit with us. Please don't ask if you can sit with us. He does not ask to sit with us, but he does continue to shoot the shit as he looks me up and down with hungry eyes (according to Blondie - "Did you SEE the way he was looking at you?"). Ugh. Finally, he asks if he can call me. I cannot reject this guy for, like, a fifth time in the middle of Starbucks when we are about to go sit in the same tiny movie theatre to watch the same lame movie as him. "Sure," I say, clearly with reluctance - clenched teeth and a quivering lip. He cannot sense my reluctance, though, because all he sees is this amazing aura of light around me. I am an angel sent from the heavens and our miraculously running into each other in Starbucks is surely a sign from God that we should be together. It is fate!
Finally, he realizes that I am on a date and he excuses himself to order his coffee. Blondie and I grab our drinks from the barista - why did they take SO LONG to make our drinks? Oh, right, because Blondie had to wait for her decaf coffee to brew. We literally run out of Starbucks. In the theatre, we sit as high up as possible and hide. BTW, this guy is alone. So he is clearly not getting a lot of hits on match.com. Gee, I wonder why? Thankfully, we never see him enter or exit the theatre. We make it out of there safely. *Phew!*
Fast-forward to Sunday night. I receive a phone call at 10pm (side note: do not call me at 10pm on a Sunday night. I am sleeping. Guaranteed). It wakes me up. It is Winky, who leaves a voice message. O.M.G. this guy is clueless. He says, "It was great running into you on Saturday night!" No it wasn't. He asks if we can catch up. I do not call him back. I will not call him back. Why is it the freaks who love me the most? Why? Why? WHY? Seriously, what gives? This vote has already been cast, but in case you need to be reminded: FREAK!
And now for the lightning-speed updates on the rest of my dating life:
1) Okie McDogRescuer never called. WAH! I liked him! Final vote: Bud.
2) MountainBiker McChristian also stopped calling. Aww shucks. But in reality... don't care. And, as it turns out, he is the SAME guy that NicestFriend McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate went on a date with about a year ago! Same thing happened to her! Clearly, this guy is NOT a keeper. And he has no type because McChurchGirl-Granola's roommate and I look nothing alike. Final vote: Dud.
3) Final update - not so lightning speed, though. This deserves a full explanation. So for a second, I was communicating with a new potenty: eHarmony McTayeDiggsLookalike. He was smokin'! We actually met on eHarmony late 2009 (clearly, I have tried them all, people. Multiple times. I never seem to learn my lesson). We went on one date to Starbucks. He was very handsome in person, but he was a flaky mctallguy for sure. At some point early last year, just before I started dating Douchey, he got "busy" and we stopped communicating (which was just texting, btw, because he didn't like talking on the phone. Hello, red flag)! So I get this email on match a week ago and it's from this guy. I could not remember his name. I am very upfront with him and I tell him that I am not looking for a text buddy and that if he is interested in a serious relationship, then he should call me. Oh, and btw, what's your name again? A couple of days later, I get a text from him: "Hey, what's up." Clearly, he did not get the message. In my text back I told him that he needed to ask me out on a date or we were done-zo. So he responds and asks if I would like to come over to his house and "chill." WHAT!? Are you serious? I tell him no, that I want to go on a real date. He is resistant but agrees that maybe we can meet at Rancho for a walk. Ahh... much more my style. We don't end up going on that date, though, because, WTF?, it is snowing in San Jose. Instead, we make plans to schedule something else later. FYI - still no phone call from this guy. I decide to hold out for him, though, because he is incredibly good looking.
So Tuesday afternoon comes around and I get a text from him. He asks me, again, if I want to go to house his and chill. OK, how much clearer can I be? NO! I want to go on a real date! I am angry and pretty much write that word for word. After about an hour of text arguing with him, he writes this: "I'll be upfront and candid... I have no intent of wining and dining anyone until I feel as if they are someone I have a mental and physical connection with and can see myself with."
I am so irritated by this point, so I write back (over a series of text messages): "How do you expect to ever make a connection with someone if you don't go on a date? I was never asking you to buy me fancy dinners. Meeting over coffee or for a drink works just fine. Or even talking to me on the phone. You do realize that there are creeps, rapists, and sex fiends on the internet, right? So when you ask a girl to come over to your house when you don't know her, you are going to come across as one of the above. It's not to say that you are one of the above, but you could be. How do I know? I am protecting myself when I ask to meet you in a public place." This is apparently funny to him because the message I get back says, "LOL." Yeah, I am sure you were laughing out loud.
"Though I get your point," he writes, "a rapist, sex fiend, or stalker is going to be the same person after one date or 100 dates... Look, I am not knocking your reluctance. I invited, you declined, it really isn't that big of a deal." He is right. And I am SO OVER HIM at this point. Even if he was Taye Diggs, I would have sent this same message back: "Ok well it's not going to work for me, so good luck!" And here is the kicker... His response: "K. Just let me know" HA! Now I am totally LOLing! Final vote: Idiot... er, I mean Dud.
Monday, March 7, 2011
I don't get it
Whoops! I didn't realize I had let a month go by without blogging! I didn't intentionally withhold juicy updates, there just weren't any. So here's the latest...
My front runner Manly McTexan was scheduled to have surgery on February 7th so I set my expectations super low as far as when I might hear from him again. (This is the secret to avoiding debilitating downward dating spirals-set low expectations). Consequently I was pleasantly surprised to receive a Happy Valentine's Day text message from him. He reported that his surgery recovery was brutal and I said I was sorry to hear that and wished him well. He recalled I had plans to go to Austin and he had promised to get me some recommendations of where to go as he used to live there and has local friends and family still residing there. (I never expected to receive these). Well strangely enough, on the Friday before Teachy and I left for vacay, I was out at the local watering hole (watching Teachy, Texy McAmericanIdol, and DJ McEightesQueen sing their hearts out) and received not one but 4 text messages from him providing endless suggestions of where to go in Austin. I thanked him for his suggestions and asked if he was recovered from his surgery. No response. Well, I had 5 days of vacay ahead of me so I didn't let it spoil my buzz. Once I got home from Texas I decided I would swallow my pride and reach out one more time..just in case (even though my vaginal instincts were telling me it was useless). So I thanked him again for his efforts in sending me (remember- a 4 text long message) the Austin spots. Aaaaand you guessed it, no response! This behavior is absolutely mind blowing. Why would he go to the trouble of even researching Austin and then sending me the texts if he isn't interested in me? Is anybody REALLY that nice, particularly to somebody they met on match.com? And if so, wouldn't logic also suggest that they would therefore be nice enough to politely respond and indicate they are not interested in seeing me again instead of ignoring me? Somebody please explain this to me! Final vote: Dud in Stud's clothing.
Prior to our Austin trip I had chatted up Canadian McJew and he had politely asked if I would like to grab a drink once I was back in town. His maturity and good manners were appealing to me which is really quite scary if my standards have been lowered to the extent that all it takes is manners to get me excited about a guy. But anybody who is on match.com knows this is a rare and valuable quality in a potential date! So I gladly accepted the offer and we made plans for Saturday night. Our date started at 8:30 and we met at a local restaurant/bar that is always packed and loud. It's a fun scene, but not my choice for a first date as you can't comfortably sit and talk which is a significant first date activity! But Canadian McJew was on time, exceedingly polite and generally a good conversationalist. I had a glass of wine (+ the carafe which is really like 2 glasses) and I had only eaten a garden burger for dinner so I was already tipsy when he suggested going to another bar. If you are a single lady you might be familiar with the eating dilemma. It's generally assumed that if the guy does not explicitly state dinner, then there will be no food involved. However, multiple times I have eaten before a date, especially if it is in the 8-9 hour, only to arrive and my date hasn't eaten yet! What should you do? Eat dinner again (um no thanks, already struggling enough with cocktails 4-5 nights a week), or you could come off like a by-atch and say you already ate and refuse to eat anything else. Typically I will order something just to be polite (who wants to eat alone) and try not to devour a second dinner's worth of calories; hence my gardenburger-only dinner. So since Canadian McJew is not from the peninsula (he's from Canada as you might have guessed), he didn't have any suggestions as to where else we might go. So we actually had to get in his car and drive to the next town to hit up a tavern he Yelped from his phone. While he lost points for making me wander around in the freezing cold looking for a spot, I suppose in the end he redeemed himself for being resourceful. It ended up being a cool bar. We had a couple more drinks and before I knew it, it was 1AM! Crazy long drinking date right? Our conversation was good and he was interesting to talk to but my vajay was not sparkly at all. In fact, when he was driving me back to my car I was yawning. Which he noticed. So he dropped me off at my car and he did not get of his car. This was his unfortunate mistake as he completely eliminated any opportunity he might have had to kiss me at this point. So instead, it was an awkward, "Wanna go out again?" to which I replied "Sure, give me a call." Well followers...what do you think. Did he call? Its been over a week and, you guessed it, no call! Final Vote: Bud
I do have a promising date scheduled this week with TeddyBear McMIT. I haven't actually spoken to him on the phone, we've only exchanged emails and then voice mails as of today. I have lowered my expectations significantly so as to prevent disappointment but all indications are that it will at least be an enjoyable evening. TeddyBear McMIT asked me if I'd like to go to dinner (points for dinner instead of drinks!) and asked where I'd like to go. It is pretty rare that I actually get a nice meal out of these match.com guys so I suggested sushi (gotta get smart ladies). He agreed and I am hoping he'll call me tonite to confirm, and that the food won't be the highlight of the date! Current vote: Stud
Stay tuned for updates on him and others....wink wink.
My front runner Manly McTexan was scheduled to have surgery on February 7th so I set my expectations super low as far as when I might hear from him again. (This is the secret to avoiding debilitating downward dating spirals-set low expectations). Consequently I was pleasantly surprised to receive a Happy Valentine's Day text message from him. He reported that his surgery recovery was brutal and I said I was sorry to hear that and wished him well. He recalled I had plans to go to Austin and he had promised to get me some recommendations of where to go as he used to live there and has local friends and family still residing there. (I never expected to receive these). Well strangely enough, on the Friday before Teachy and I left for vacay, I was out at the local watering hole (watching Teachy, Texy McAmericanIdol, and DJ McEightesQueen sing their hearts out) and received not one but 4 text messages from him providing endless suggestions of where to go in Austin. I thanked him for his suggestions and asked if he was recovered from his surgery. No response. Well, I had 5 days of vacay ahead of me so I didn't let it spoil my buzz. Once I got home from Texas I decided I would swallow my pride and reach out one more time..just in case (even though my vaginal instincts were telling me it was useless). So I thanked him again for his efforts in sending me (remember- a 4 text long message) the Austin spots. Aaaaand you guessed it, no response! This behavior is absolutely mind blowing. Why would he go to the trouble of even researching Austin and then sending me the texts if he isn't interested in me? Is anybody REALLY that nice, particularly to somebody they met on match.com? And if so, wouldn't logic also suggest that they would therefore be nice enough to politely respond and indicate they are not interested in seeing me again instead of ignoring me? Somebody please explain this to me! Final vote: Dud in Stud's clothing.
Prior to our Austin trip I had chatted up Canadian McJew and he had politely asked if I would like to grab a drink once I was back in town. His maturity and good manners were appealing to me which is really quite scary if my standards have been lowered to the extent that all it takes is manners to get me excited about a guy. But anybody who is on match.com knows this is a rare and valuable quality in a potential date! So I gladly accepted the offer and we made plans for Saturday night. Our date started at 8:30 and we met at a local restaurant/bar that is always packed and loud. It's a fun scene, but not my choice for a first date as you can't comfortably sit and talk which is a significant first date activity! But Canadian McJew was on time, exceedingly polite and generally a good conversationalist. I had a glass of wine (+ the carafe which is really like 2 glasses) and I had only eaten a garden burger for dinner so I was already tipsy when he suggested going to another bar. If you are a single lady you might be familiar with the eating dilemma. It's generally assumed that if the guy does not explicitly state dinner, then there will be no food involved. However, multiple times I have eaten before a date, especially if it is in the 8-9 hour, only to arrive and my date hasn't eaten yet! What should you do? Eat dinner again (um no thanks, already struggling enough with cocktails 4-5 nights a week), or you could come off like a by-atch and say you already ate and refuse to eat anything else. Typically I will order something just to be polite (who wants to eat alone) and try not to devour a second dinner's worth of calories; hence my gardenburger-only dinner. So since Canadian McJew is not from the peninsula (he's from Canada as you might have guessed), he didn't have any suggestions as to where else we might go. So we actually had to get in his car and drive to the next town to hit up a tavern he Yelped from his phone. While he lost points for making me wander around in the freezing cold looking for a spot, I suppose in the end he redeemed himself for being resourceful. It ended up being a cool bar. We had a couple more drinks and before I knew it, it was 1AM! Crazy long drinking date right? Our conversation was good and he was interesting to talk to but my vajay was not sparkly at all. In fact, when he was driving me back to my car I was yawning. Which he noticed. So he dropped me off at my car and he did not get of his car. This was his unfortunate mistake as he completely eliminated any opportunity he might have had to kiss me at this point. So instead, it was an awkward, "Wanna go out again?" to which I replied "Sure, give me a call." Well followers...what do you think. Did he call? Its been over a week and, you guessed it, no call! Final Vote: Bud
I do have a promising date scheduled this week with TeddyBear McMIT. I haven't actually spoken to him on the phone, we've only exchanged emails and then voice mails as of today. I have lowered my expectations significantly so as to prevent disappointment but all indications are that it will at least be an enjoyable evening. TeddyBear McMIT asked me if I'd like to go to dinner (points for dinner instead of drinks!) and asked where I'd like to go. It is pretty rare that I actually get a nice meal out of these match.com guys so I suggested sushi (gotta get smart ladies). He agreed and I am hoping he'll call me tonite to confirm, and that the food won't be the highlight of the date! Current vote: Stud
Stay tuned for updates on him and others....wink wink.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
"Would you like to see some of the products my company offers?"
Oh geez. I don't even have the words to describe last night's date. Awkward. Uncomfortable. LONG. Boring. Painful. But those really just don't even say enough. So, here's how it went down. It was a first (and only) date with Geeky McEatsSlow. This guy was previously nicknamed something else in an earlier post, but last night's date warranted a nickname change. Here are the things I learned about Geeky from our date last night:
1) He does not have a car and travels everywhere by bus (although he does live in the City, so this is acceptable).
2) He is 32 years old (two years older than I am) and graduated HS in 1998 (the same year that I did). This means he was 20 years old when he graduated HS.
3) His parents held him back from school for two years because he was a "special needs" child and they did not believe he was ready for school. Hence the late graduation date above.
4) Despite his special needs, he is much more confident now. Oh good.
5) He eats slower than any human being on the planet. The waitress came to take his plate about 16 times and each time he was "still working on it." Finally, he finished, and after prompting from me to request the check, he asked to take the bread to go.
6) He likes to talk. A LOT! What about, you ask? I have no clue because I tuned him out after the story about something really funny that happened to him in 7th grade, that he was sure I was going to get a kick out of. I did not.
7) He works for a company that makes dog products (like leashes and toys). He thought I would be interested in this because my roommate has a dog. So near the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to see some of the products that his company makes. Ummm... ok, sure. He busted out his Blackberry and had me scroll through pictures of leashes and dog Snuggies. Wow. No words.
8) When he ordered his wine, he pronounced "Syrah" as see-ree-uh. The waitress corrected him.
Need I write more? The date lasted soooooooooooooooo uncomfortably long because he continued to talk (and not eat) and then continued to eat (and not ask for the check). It was painful, people. PAIN-FUL!
Do I honestly have to rate this dude? Dud to the max.
1) He does not have a car and travels everywhere by bus (although he does live in the City, so this is acceptable).
2) He is 32 years old (two years older than I am) and graduated HS in 1998 (the same year that I did). This means he was 20 years old when he graduated HS.
3) His parents held him back from school for two years because he was a "special needs" child and they did not believe he was ready for school. Hence the late graduation date above.
4) Despite his special needs, he is much more confident now. Oh good.
5) He eats slower than any human being on the planet. The waitress came to take his plate about 16 times and each time he was "still working on it." Finally, he finished, and after prompting from me to request the check, he asked to take the bread to go.
6) He likes to talk. A LOT! What about, you ask? I have no clue because I tuned him out after the story about something really funny that happened to him in 7th grade, that he was sure I was going to get a kick out of. I did not.
7) He works for a company that makes dog products (like leashes and toys). He thought I would be interested in this because my roommate has a dog. So near the end of the date, he asked if I wanted to see some of the products that his company makes. Ummm... ok, sure. He busted out his Blackberry and had me scroll through pictures of leashes and dog Snuggies. Wow. No words.
8) When he ordered his wine, he pronounced "Syrah" as see-ree-uh. The waitress corrected him.
Need I write more? The date lasted soooooooooooooooo uncomfortably long because he continued to talk (and not eat) and then continued to eat (and not ask for the check). It was painful, people. PAIN-FUL!
Do I honestly have to rate this dude? Dud to the max.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Feeling sparkly
Oh man, I've got a LOT to write about. So let's start from the beginning.
Update #1:
I was having a really nice, chill date with Blondie McSmartyPants on Friday night. We went to Falalfel's Drive-In and enjoyed the most delectable dinner. Then, we watched "I Used to Be Fat" (while eating falafels, dolmas, and French fries. We had both finished our milkshakes on the drive home), and gushed over how handsome the previously fat teenager looked after his weight loss. OMG, seriously, he was SO HANDSOME!
So, things were going great until just a few minutes before Blondie left. I received a text message from... wait for it... Ballsy McIndian. Dude is relentless! He sent me a message letting me know that he was free to meet either Sunday or next week. I texted him back telling him I was free to meet NEVER. OK, I wasn't that mean, but I had to just nip things in the bud. I never was and never will be interested in Ballsy. That is the bottom line. So I texted him to tell him that I didn't think it was going to work out.
This started a long chain of textuments (text arguments) back and forth between ballsy and I. Now, some of you might say, "Dude, why did you even respond?" And the answer to that, my friends, is that I am incapable of losing an argument to idiots. So, I had no choice but to continuously respond to Ballsy until he finally got the point. He responded to my rejection by asking for some "constructive feedback." OK, because this is totally a business transaction, right? So, I told him (for constructive feedback purposes): 1) his obsession with my height was creepy, and (for reasons why I cannot go out on a date with him, which was really just me being nice and trying to throw some sort of excuse out there): 2) I am busy.
Oh man, Ballsy could not let it go (but then again, neither could I). He texted me back a multi-text response, which came broken up and out of order. Something about accepting the constructive feedback, trying to explain his creepy obsession with my height (it was an ice breaker. Umm, ok whatever), and then offering some unsolicited feedback for me, to which I responded: "I don't remember ever asking you for feedback." This got him fired up! His response left me laughing. I believe it said, "I am sorry if my feedback hurt you." HA! OK, buddy. By this time, btw, it was nearing midnight and all I wanted to do was go to bed. My last two text messages to him pretty much said it all: "Get over it" and "Please stop harassing me". It was a serious war of words. And I won. Duh. After I received a final text message from him, which did not warrant a response, I deleted all of the text messages as well as his contact information from my phone. Hands washed clean.
Well, guess what, people... it doesn't end there! Yesterday morning, I received a text from him: "Dont want to disturb you. Just wanted to say sorry for the exchange on friday." This poor soul was clearly torn up all weekend. I, on the other hand, did not think about it at all. In fact, I forgot it even happened. So, I am not sure what that says about me, except what we already know. It does not need to be said. And yes, it rhymes with witch. Ugh. Final vote: dud, with a side of freak!
Update #2:
Let me preface this by saying that I am nervous about writing this particular post because I don't want to jinx anything... but, here goes. Saturday night I had my second date with VolleyBall McBulgarian. We had discussed on our previous date that we didn't want to just do another dinner, but something more interactive, so we decided on bowling. He picked a bowling alley near his 'hood, which was nice (it was great, actually, as it minimized the chance of me running into someone I know, especially a student. Can you say, awkward?).
When we got to the bowling alley at 8pm, the League bowlers were still wrapping up, so we had to wait 45 minutes before we could get a lane. He asked if I had eaten yet (I had, duh - it was 8pm - but I told him I'd have a beer while he ate), so we headed to the Round Table across the parking lot. We talked about being nervous on dates, writing, and shopping at Target (he asked me where I got my boots. Where do you think? I asked him where he got his shirt. He shops at Target, too!) It was, really, a riveting conversation.
When he finished his pizza, we headed back to the bowling alley and bowled three games. I am really a terrible bowler. I mean TERRIBLE! And no matter how much I try to improve my technique, I will always suck. He beat me in all three games (I have to say, not by much, though) and I told him, of course, that I let him win. :)
When our games were over, we finished our beers and then headed outside. It was pretty obvious that neither one of us wanted the date to end. I hugged him and he went in for the kiss. SCORE! We then proceeded to talk, while wrapped in an embrace, outside of the bowling alley for another 45 minutes. This was awkward for me because I am not a publicly affectionate person. He, however, did not seem to mind. So I pushed my awkwardness aside, because despite the fact that I was so overly aware of each and every person who walked by, standing there in his arms felt really nice. We eventually decided we should go home and after a quick kiss, we ran in opposite directions out of the rain and to our cars. I felt so sparkly at the end of the date, I could not stop smiling, and I now I am sitting here thinking about how I can't wait to see him again. I don't know what you're thinking, but the experts tell me that this is a good sign.
We have Date #3 scheduled for Wednesday night. Is this the stud I've been waiting for? We shall see... Current vote: stud!
Update #3:
So I was hanging out with my friend LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian, who is also on match.com. We were browsing through her emails when I noticed that there was one guy who looked familiar. "Hey! That guy emailed me, too!" I said. We laughed and decided, "Duh," because LooksLikeMe is pretty much the half-Asian version of me. We are nearly the same height, dark hair, dark skin, and pretty much the same build. She is on my triathlon team and people confuse us all the time. It is no surprise that there are men out there who might find not one, but both of us attractive.
So the day goes on and LooksLikeMe and I head over to Blondie's house for dinner. In the middle of dinner, I receive a phone call from an unprogrammed number (honestly, this could be anyone. I have given my number out to so many dudes since I joined match.com, I can no longer keep track). I listen to the voicemail and I realize it is from Mr. McClearlyHasATypeAndItsUs. "OMG!" I say! "LooksLikeMe! You gotta email this guy back." So she pulls up her phone and sends him the following message: "Hi, I am having dinner with my friend Teachy, who is also on match, and who you just called. She says she'll call you back tomorrow."
Oh... snap! We all got a good laugh out of that one, but we are not quite sure if he got it (he does not appear to be the sharpest tool in the shed), as he wrote back: "Oh, sorry. Enjoy your dinner." And this is what happens when you and every single person you know joins match.com. Sorry Mr., but I ain't calling you back. Final vote: dud
Update #1:
I was having a really nice, chill date with Blondie McSmartyPants on Friday night. We went to Falalfel's Drive-In and enjoyed the most delectable dinner. Then, we watched "I Used to Be Fat" (while eating falafels, dolmas, and French fries. We had both finished our milkshakes on the drive home), and gushed over how handsome the previously fat teenager looked after his weight loss. OMG, seriously, he was SO HANDSOME!
So, things were going great until just a few minutes before Blondie left. I received a text message from... wait for it... Ballsy McIndian. Dude is relentless! He sent me a message letting me know that he was free to meet either Sunday or next week. I texted him back telling him I was free to meet NEVER. OK, I wasn't that mean, but I had to just nip things in the bud. I never was and never will be interested in Ballsy. That is the bottom line. So I texted him to tell him that I didn't think it was going to work out.
This started a long chain of textuments (text arguments) back and forth between ballsy and I. Now, some of you might say, "Dude, why did you even respond?" And the answer to that, my friends, is that I am incapable of losing an argument to idiots. So, I had no choice but to continuously respond to Ballsy until he finally got the point. He responded to my rejection by asking for some "constructive feedback." OK, because this is totally a business transaction, right? So, I told him (for constructive feedback purposes): 1) his obsession with my height was creepy, and (for reasons why I cannot go out on a date with him, which was really just me being nice and trying to throw some sort of excuse out there): 2) I am busy.
Oh man, Ballsy could not let it go (but then again, neither could I). He texted me back a multi-text response, which came broken up and out of order. Something about accepting the constructive feedback, trying to explain his creepy obsession with my height (it was an ice breaker. Umm, ok whatever), and then offering some unsolicited feedback for me, to which I responded: "I don't remember ever asking you for feedback." This got him fired up! His response left me laughing. I believe it said, "I am sorry if my feedback hurt you." HA! OK, buddy. By this time, btw, it was nearing midnight and all I wanted to do was go to bed. My last two text messages to him pretty much said it all: "Get over it" and "Please stop harassing me". It was a serious war of words. And I won. Duh. After I received a final text message from him, which did not warrant a response, I deleted all of the text messages as well as his contact information from my phone. Hands washed clean.
Well, guess what, people... it doesn't end there! Yesterday morning, I received a text from him: "Dont want to disturb you. Just wanted to say sorry for the exchange on friday." This poor soul was clearly torn up all weekend. I, on the other hand, did not think about it at all. In fact, I forgot it even happened. So, I am not sure what that says about me, except what we already know. It does not need to be said. And yes, it rhymes with witch. Ugh. Final vote: dud, with a side of freak!
Update #2:
Let me preface this by saying that I am nervous about writing this particular post because I don't want to jinx anything... but, here goes. Saturday night I had my second date with VolleyBall McBulgarian. We had discussed on our previous date that we didn't want to just do another dinner, but something more interactive, so we decided on bowling. He picked a bowling alley near his 'hood, which was nice (it was great, actually, as it minimized the chance of me running into someone I know, especially a student. Can you say, awkward?).
When we got to the bowling alley at 8pm, the League bowlers were still wrapping up, so we had to wait 45 minutes before we could get a lane. He asked if I had eaten yet (I had, duh - it was 8pm - but I told him I'd have a beer while he ate), so we headed to the Round Table across the parking lot. We talked about being nervous on dates, writing, and shopping at Target (he asked me where I got my boots. Where do you think? I asked him where he got his shirt. He shops at Target, too!) It was, really, a riveting conversation.
When he finished his pizza, we headed back to the bowling alley and bowled three games. I am really a terrible bowler. I mean TERRIBLE! And no matter how much I try to improve my technique, I will always suck. He beat me in all three games (I have to say, not by much, though) and I told him, of course, that I let him win. :)
When our games were over, we finished our beers and then headed outside. It was pretty obvious that neither one of us wanted the date to end. I hugged him and he went in for the kiss. SCORE! We then proceeded to talk, while wrapped in an embrace, outside of the bowling alley for another 45 minutes. This was awkward for me because I am not a publicly affectionate person. He, however, did not seem to mind. So I pushed my awkwardness aside, because despite the fact that I was so overly aware of each and every person who walked by, standing there in his arms felt really nice. We eventually decided we should go home and after a quick kiss, we ran in opposite directions out of the rain and to our cars. I felt so sparkly at the end of the date, I could not stop smiling, and I now I am sitting here thinking about how I can't wait to see him again. I don't know what you're thinking, but the experts tell me that this is a good sign.
We have Date #3 scheduled for Wednesday night. Is this the stud I've been waiting for? We shall see... Current vote: stud!
Update #3:
So I was hanging out with my friend LooksLikeMe McHalfAsian, who is also on match.com. We were browsing through her emails when I noticed that there was one guy who looked familiar. "Hey! That guy emailed me, too!" I said. We laughed and decided, "Duh," because LooksLikeMe is pretty much the half-Asian version of me. We are nearly the same height, dark hair, dark skin, and pretty much the same build. She is on my triathlon team and people confuse us all the time. It is no surprise that there are men out there who might find not one, but both of us attractive.
So the day goes on and LooksLikeMe and I head over to Blondie's house for dinner. In the middle of dinner, I receive a phone call from an unprogrammed number (honestly, this could be anyone. I have given my number out to so many dudes since I joined match.com, I can no longer keep track). I listen to the voicemail and I realize it is from Mr. McClearlyHasATypeAndItsUs. "OMG!" I say! "LooksLikeMe! You gotta email this guy back." So she pulls up her phone and sends him the following message: "Hi, I am having dinner with my friend Teachy, who is also on match, and who you just called. She says she'll call you back tomorrow."
Oh... snap! We all got a good laugh out of that one, but we are not quite sure if he got it (he does not appear to be the sharpest tool in the shed), as he wrote back: "Oh, sorry. Enjoy your dinner." And this is what happens when you and every single person you know joins match.com. Sorry Mr., but I ain't calling you back. Final vote: dud
Friday, January 28, 2011
Waste of make up
After a couple weeks of maction (match.com action), my winking, emailing and profile stalking finally manifested into an actual date last night. Proffy McAkward initially showed real promise; he was a lawyer, well read, and came across as a total tender-hearted sweetie in his profile. He was undeterred by the fact that I accidentally emailed him from Hottie McAsian's profile (rookie mistake). However, I started to have doubts (that TeachyMcTallgirl pointed out should really be concerns) as things played out.
He emailed me on Wednesday to ask me out for Thursday, stating he would call that night. Well, 10PM rolls around and no call yet. I was trying very hard not to care, but it is impossible to be told, "I will call you tonite," as a single girl and not get your hopes up that somebody might actually want to speak with you. So eventually he does send me a text around 10:15 indicating that he was too exhausted to call me because he had just gotten home from yoga. Hmmm I think to myself as I read this bizarre text. Was this Bikhram yoga perhaps? It was difficult for me to empathize, but I was determined to go out on a date so I ignored my vaginal instincts.
I responded and indicated that I was open for the drink he had proposed. He texted me Thursday morning with a suggestion of a place to meet, to which I agreed. He then proceeded to tell me via text that he would be the old, bald, fat guy at the bar. Hmmmm. Puzzled again, but I suppose he was trying to be funny? The subtleties of sarcasm did not translate over text message. As I relayed the details of these interactions with Teachy, my vaginal instincts went into overdrive. If this is how he is choosing to interact with me BEFORE I even meet him, and this is his "first impression," what can I expect from this guy down the road? I predicted a frustrating series of un-returned phone calls and unrealized plans. Teachy's wise words snapped me back to reality and I had a premonition. This guy is going to be late for our date. And guess what. He was late.
He was kind enough to text me and let me know he would be 10 minutes late, which would have been reasonable had he not truly been 20 minutes late. Upon arrival he did not explain why he was late or apologize. Not wanting to be rude but really curious as to how he could be late at 8:30 on a Thursday, I asked where he had come from. Answer, a mixer in San Jose. Again, not my choice for first impressions to schedule a date AFTER a mixer in a city 30 miles away. But who am I to judge? So our date ensued.
Teachy had warned me that this guy was probably a socially awkward geek, and she was right. While his face was actually very handsome, his mannerisms were fidgety and distracting. He projected the vibe of a 12 year old and apparently had the lifestyle to match. Throughout the evening he revealed to me that not only is he currently living in a hotel (no I am not making this up) he has lately gotten into the habit of sleeping until 10AM. Our conversation actually kept me entertained but not because of his engaging personality, but because I was fascinated by this spectacle of a man. By the end, I was exhausted as being fake nice to people takes a lot of energy. Particularly since all I wanted to do was get out of there and watch Jersey Shore. Had he not been late, I might have gotten home by 10PM.
When I woke up this morning I decided not to let good make up go to waste so I skipped a shower and wore last night's face to work. So I guess you might say, I got my 20 minutes back. Final vote: Dud
He emailed me on Wednesday to ask me out for Thursday, stating he would call that night. Well, 10PM rolls around and no call yet. I was trying very hard not to care, but it is impossible to be told, "I will call you tonite," as a single girl and not get your hopes up that somebody might actually want to speak with you. So eventually he does send me a text around 10:15 indicating that he was too exhausted to call me because he had just gotten home from yoga. Hmmm I think to myself as I read this bizarre text. Was this Bikhram yoga perhaps? It was difficult for me to empathize, but I was determined to go out on a date so I ignored my vaginal instincts.
I responded and indicated that I was open for the drink he had proposed. He texted me Thursday morning with a suggestion of a place to meet, to which I agreed. He then proceeded to tell me via text that he would be the old, bald, fat guy at the bar. Hmmmm. Puzzled again, but I suppose he was trying to be funny? The subtleties of sarcasm did not translate over text message. As I relayed the details of these interactions with Teachy, my vaginal instincts went into overdrive. If this is how he is choosing to interact with me BEFORE I even meet him, and this is his "first impression," what can I expect from this guy down the road? I predicted a frustrating series of un-returned phone calls and unrealized plans. Teachy's wise words snapped me back to reality and I had a premonition. This guy is going to be late for our date. And guess what. He was late.
He was kind enough to text me and let me know he would be 10 minutes late, which would have been reasonable had he not truly been 20 minutes late. Upon arrival he did not explain why he was late or apologize. Not wanting to be rude but really curious as to how he could be late at 8:30 on a Thursday, I asked where he had come from. Answer, a mixer in San Jose. Again, not my choice for first impressions to schedule a date AFTER a mixer in a city 30 miles away. But who am I to judge? So our date ensued.
Teachy had warned me that this guy was probably a socially awkward geek, and she was right. While his face was actually very handsome, his mannerisms were fidgety and distracting. He projected the vibe of a 12 year old and apparently had the lifestyle to match. Throughout the evening he revealed to me that not only is he currently living in a hotel (no I am not making this up) he has lately gotten into the habit of sleeping until 10AM. Our conversation actually kept me entertained but not because of his engaging personality, but because I was fascinated by this spectacle of a man. By the end, I was exhausted as being fake nice to people takes a lot of energy. Particularly since all I wanted to do was get out of there and watch Jersey Shore. Had he not been late, I might have gotten home by 10PM.
When I woke up this morning I decided not to let good make up go to waste so I skipped a shower and wore last night's face to work. So I guess you might say, I got my 20 minutes back. Final vote: Dud
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Hanging out the passenger side of his best friend's ride...
Ok, this was just bad judgment on my part.
So one of the first guys who emailed me on match – we’ll refer to him as Walks-a-lot McTexter – seemed at first to be a really cool guy. He sent a nice, normal email and gave me all sorts of compliments (clearly, I am easily wooed). So, as per my protocol, I gave him my number. Now, again, let me be clear that this is my own fault. I blame this entire non-relationship on my poor judgment. I’ve got nothing against this guy. He really is nice and completely unassuming and he even seems like he could – in some senses – be a very good boyfriend. However, with that said, I have decided to end things with him (before even meeting him. Is that bad?), and you’re about to find out why.
First, after I gave him my number, he – of course – did not call me, but instead sent me a text (problem #1). “Hi there, it’s Walks-a-lot from match.” After a couple of text exchanges (“I am good, how are you.” “Not bad. What are you up to?”) I ran into problem #2. After asking him what he was up to, he responded with: “I’m just at work watching football.” I am puzzled. It’s 8pm on a Monday night. “Watching football at work?” I text back. “Hmmm… What do you do?” “Sell team stuff in ALocalTown” What is “team stuff,” I wonder, and, Oh shit, I need to go back and check this dude’s highest education level. Problem #3.
My worst fears were realized. I am not quite sure how I missed this – maybe I was distracted by the fact that he was 6’4” and good looking? – but he had “tell you later” listed next to both his job AND his education level. Oy vey. Call me picky, but I just can’t date a dude with no college education! So one day during a typical textersation (he has texted me every day since the first day he texted, which was December 28th! And usually the texts start with “Hey,” “Hiya,” or “Hi”. Problem #5), I worked up the nerve to ask him about it. “I was just checking out your profile on match,” I typed. “Your job is listed as ‘tell you later’ – what up with that???” His response: “Because I work retail and 98.7 percent of women on there want guys who make good money, not for how good a person a guy may be :/ [sic]” Eeeek. I should have cut the cord right then and there. But I kinda felt badly for the guy, so I continued to let him text me on a daily basis. I mean, this whole time I knew I was going to have to break his heart one day, but I put it off thinking maybe he would get sick of me? (Impossible). So by this point, I am extremely bored with the textersations. I mean, seriously, are you mute? You are really THAT incapable of picking up the phone and calling me?
But finally, we get to problem #5 – the absolute worst of all, and in my opinion – a deal breaker. He finally gets up the nerve to ask me out for a drink. “It’s been long enough w/o seeing your beauty in person,” he types. Damn straight. So I respond with a suggestion of meeting up in the Cupertino/Sunnyvale area, since that is where I’ll be that night. “Would you mind meeting up in this area?” I ask. Brace yourselves for his response. You will be shocked: “This area as in TownILiveIn?” he writes. “I don’t drive member? Sorry to remind ya of my current short cummings :( [sic]” OK, so there are a number of things wrong with that text message, but – O.M.G. – let’s cut to the chase. “You don’t drive??” I text back. “You never told me that!” He tries to claim that he did and then gives me his sob story excuse. Not buying it, buddy. Bottom line… Ah helllllllll no. I do NOT want No Scrubs! How is this guy going to think it’s cool to date a girl without owning a car!? How is this guy going to think I am going to pick his ass up everytime we go out!? And, more important, how is this guy going to think I am going to pay for my own meals when he takes me (oh, excuse me, when I pick him up and take him) out for dinner?
Sorry, Walks-a-lot. But you’re outta here.
Final vote: Dud
So one of the first guys who emailed me on match – we’ll refer to him as Walks-a-lot McTexter – seemed at first to be a really cool guy. He sent a nice, normal email and gave me all sorts of compliments (clearly, I am easily wooed). So, as per my protocol, I gave him my number. Now, again, let me be clear that this is my own fault. I blame this entire non-relationship on my poor judgment. I’ve got nothing against this guy. He really is nice and completely unassuming and he even seems like he could – in some senses – be a very good boyfriend. However, with that said, I have decided to end things with him (before even meeting him. Is that bad?), and you’re about to find out why.
First, after I gave him my number, he – of course – did not call me, but instead sent me a text (problem #1). “Hi there, it’s Walks-a-lot from match.” After a couple of text exchanges (“I am good, how are you.” “Not bad. What are you up to?”) I ran into problem #2. After asking him what he was up to, he responded with: “I’m just at work watching football.” I am puzzled. It’s 8pm on a Monday night. “Watching football at work?” I text back. “Hmmm… What do you do?” “Sell team stuff in ALocalTown” What is “team stuff,” I wonder, and, Oh shit, I need to go back and check this dude’s highest education level. Problem #3.
My worst fears were realized. I am not quite sure how I missed this – maybe I was distracted by the fact that he was 6’4” and good looking? – but he had “tell you later” listed next to both his job AND his education level. Oy vey. Call me picky, but I just can’t date a dude with no college education! So one day during a typical textersation (he has texted me every day since the first day he texted, which was December 28th! And usually the texts start with “Hey,” “Hiya,” or “Hi”. Problem #5), I worked up the nerve to ask him about it. “I was just checking out your profile on match,” I typed. “Your job is listed as ‘tell you later’ – what up with that???” His response: “Because I work retail and 98.7 percent of women on there want guys who make good money, not for how good a person a guy may be :/ [sic]” Eeeek. I should have cut the cord right then and there. But I kinda felt badly for the guy, so I continued to let him text me on a daily basis. I mean, this whole time I knew I was going to have to break his heart one day, but I put it off thinking maybe he would get sick of me? (Impossible). So by this point, I am extremely bored with the textersations. I mean, seriously, are you mute? You are really THAT incapable of picking up the phone and calling me?
But finally, we get to problem #5 – the absolute worst of all, and in my opinion – a deal breaker. He finally gets up the nerve to ask me out for a drink. “It’s been long enough w/o seeing your beauty in person,” he types. Damn straight. So I respond with a suggestion of meeting up in the Cupertino/Sunnyvale area, since that is where I’ll be that night. “Would you mind meeting up in this area?” I ask. Brace yourselves for his response. You will be shocked: “This area as in TownILiveIn?” he writes. “I don’t drive member? Sorry to remind ya of my current short cummings :( [sic]” OK, so there are a number of things wrong with that text message, but – O.M.G. – let’s cut to the chase. “You don’t drive??” I text back. “You never told me that!” He tries to claim that he did and then gives me his sob story excuse. Not buying it, buddy. Bottom line… Ah helllllllll no. I do NOT want No Scrubs! How is this guy going to think it’s cool to date a girl without owning a car!? How is this guy going to think I am going to pick his ass up everytime we go out!? And, more important, how is this guy going to think I am going to pay for my own meals when he takes me (oh, excuse me, when I pick him up and take him) out for dinner?
Sorry, Walks-a-lot. But you’re outta here.
Final vote: Dud
Monday, January 10, 2011
By popular demand...
...I bring you Hottie McJesus!This is an oldie but goodie. Check that. An oldie by greatie. When we started the blog, I only intended to write about new match adventures, but I've received SEVERAL requests to do a write-up on good old McJesus, so here goes nothing...
I met McJesus on Halloween night a few years back. He was dressed up as a doctor and at the time we deemed him McSteamy, and I was Tim Gunn. He was super tall, dark, scruffy, and I liked him the second he walked into the party. After some antics by my friends, the two of us were introduced and struck-up some conversation. At the end of the night I gave him my phone number and crossed my fingers that'd he call.
My wish came true when he called me up just a few days later. Little did I know what I was about to endure. Things I remember about the call - it lasted FOREVER and not in a good way. My cell phone bill was nearly $200 that month thanks for the worlds longest first call. While on the line I realized that what he needed more than a girlfriend was a therapist. He continued on and on about church services, church trips*, church friends, etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I like church. I go to church. But on a first phone call, I DON'T like shoving my religion down anyone's throat. I survive til the end of the call when he finally asks if he can take me out. At this point I feel obligated and agree to a Friday day date.
*One of his church trips was to Jamaica. So this prompts me to tell him my favorite story of my senior year of college spring break in Negril, Jamaica. I was walking along the beach with my two best-friends when I hear a man calling out, "Hey tall girl, (hence the name) hey tall girl," and when this gets my attention the man continues with, "I like your size!" At this point we are close to running away when he adds, "I'll see you later tonight." My final line was, "No you won't!" as my best-friends and I run away from the one-legged local.
Day of the date - he picks me up at my apartment in San Jose and we drive ALL the way to Santa Cruz. For those of you not familiar with this drive, I'd say it's a good 40 minute trek. Total rookie move to go on this long of a car drive on a first date.
Hey, here's a shocker, the conversation begins with....wait for it....church talk. Somehow the conversation finally shifts and he asks me about my family. One question I remember him asking was whether or not my sister (hey B!) and I are alike. I said something along the lines of, "my sister is an Aries so tends to be a bit feistier than I am." He replies with, "You're like that. You're aggressive. Uhhhhh, I mean, assertive." Actually dude, I'm neither. And here's a tip - don't call a girl aggressive and assertive on a first date. It's not gonna go over well.
So we finally make it to Santa Cruz and he is bumbling and fumbling over where to eat. I keep telling him, "I'm the least picky eater you'll ever meet! As long as the restaurant serves more than raisins, I'll be fine." Doesn't help. Eventually to put us both out of our misery I pick a cute place with outside seating and a beautiful view of the Pacific. Upon sitting down we launch into therapy time. Topics included but were not limited to: being "exiled" from his church because of a girl who told a lie about her running over his foot with her car?? (Some chick seriously drove over his foot and caused a lot of damage. He then named the girl in his insurance claim/lawsuit. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do, because after that he was asked to leave the church.), this broke his heart because church was everything (duh) so he was then driven to thoughts of suicide (yep, we're still on our first date), his inability to complete college (failed out several times due to his ADD, he said), and on and on.
Our food arrives and I could not be more happy to take a pause from the conversation and dive into my Ahi tuna salad. This feeling of bliss doesn't last long. The second the waiter steps away McJesus says to me, "You want to pray?" I say, "WHAT?!?!??!?!" He repeats himself as if I didn't actually hear him the first time, "Do you want to pray?" Oh.My.God. Literally. I have no clue what to do at this point so I say, "ok" and put my hands in my lap and close my eyes in prayer sooooooooooo quickly (I did NOT want him asking me to hold hands during this prayer).
My friends who know this story typically ask, "What did he say in the prayer?" Well, I have no freaking clue. I was doing a little praying of my own during this quiet moment and my prayer went something like this, "Dear God, let me get through this date. Please tell me that no one is looking at us and laughing right now. I know I would be, and that may not make me a good person, but at least I'm honest. God, you must have me on this date so I could give my friends a good laugh...You've got some sense of humor..."
I make it through lunch, by the grace of God (now I'm the one getting religious). Now, this fool wants to take a walk on the beach. I appease him (see, not assertive at all!) and we drop our shoes off in the car. While he's taking his shoes off he tells me, "Sorry, but I'm missing my big toe nail. It's kind of gross." To make light of this awkward (and honestly, unnecessary - I would have NEVER noticed) moment I say something like, "Well, missing a toe nail is better than missing a leg!" (Get it? It's in reference to the story I told about Jamaica just days earlier). He looks at me like I have 17 eyes and then finally says, "Ohh that's kinda like what happened to you in Jamaica". Yep, Einstein, probably why I said it.
Fast-forward, we're driving home. At this point I've clearly had it and decide that I'm going to ask political questions just so I can prove him wrong (ok, maybe I can be a bit aggressive). This was right during the time of Prop 8, the Gay Marriage Proposition in CA. I vehemently support gay marriage but knew this right-wing Christian would be against it. I ask him why he doesn't support it and he quotes the usual "because the Bible says marriage can only be between man and a woman." (I understand this argument and don't discredit it, I just have a different opinion). He asks me why I support gay marriage and I tell him that I think it's wrong to take away human rights and because gay marriage is already constitutional in California, I can't believe we are voting to TAKE A WAY a human right. He looks at me dead seriously and says, "You honestly think it says that in our Constitution?". HAHAHA. Not only do I think that, pal, I KNOW that (back in 2008 at least). Luckily at this point we are exiting the freeway and I'm about to be home free. We pull up in front of my apartment complex and he asks if he should walk me in. I decline and speed away. The end.
Oh wait, not the end. A few days later he called and left a voicemail saying, "I think we have different beliefs so I don't think it's going to work out. Good luck to you in your career. And God Bless." CHRIST. After all of that, he "broke-up" with me!
To all my friends who already know this story - you know my vote. To all the people reading this the first time....Final Vote: McJesus Dud.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Mediocrity at it's finest
So, as Teachy McTallGirl explained, I recently joined match.com. What prompted this?? Well, I had been on match a few months back and met someone and suprisingly it didn't work out. I took a break from match for close to two months and when the calendar struck 2011, I decided to give it another go (plus, we decided to do this blog and I just HAD to participate).
For my first entry I figured I'd tell you a bit about the dude who brought me to this point. We're going to call him TallGuy McUnderBite.
It all began with a "wink". I had been inactive on my match account for a few months when TallGuy McUnderBite sent me a "wink". He was a big guy, 6'5, with dark hair - totally my style. I debated whether or not to reactive my account and eventually decide (with the prodding of friends) that it was worth a shot. I emailed him a few days later and the "relationship" went from there. A few emails (he seemed really normal - went to baseball games, saw his family, went to a movie, etc.), a few texts (NEVER a phone call), and a bunch of dates. My first impression of him was that he was good looking, funny in a sorta nerdy way, and nice. I wasn't overly in love, but besides his under bite, nothing was "wrong". We started going on dates about twice a week and he was always a gentleman, opened car doors (good job, buddy!), paid, etc.
I'm a pretty "go with the flow" type of a girl, so when all of our dates involved burgers and fries, I didn't particularly mind. Remember - I was never wowed, but things were always fine. I think my friends would tell you that I was starting to like him, but I was always a bit reserved because it never felt quite right. After about one month of "dating" I had a whirlwind 5 weeks lined up. I went out of town for work or fun (wedding in San Francisco, Houston for work, girls trip to Arizona, Thanksgiving at home, and Berkeley for business) for 3-4 days a week for five weeks straight. When a man can't make a phone call, it makes it hard to keep in touch during this much traveling. After week 3 of going away, I decided to have an in-person "talk" with him to see how he thought our "relationship" was going. We were sitting on the couch together, just beginning to make-out, when I pulled back and said something along the lines of, "I know I've been out of town a lot, so I wanted to ask you how you feel about it? How do you feel all of this is going?" He immediately pulled away from me in shock and blurted out "FINE." Well, clearly things were NOT FINE because that was the last time I ever heard from him. Hahaha. Seriously. Two months of dating, plans to hang-out the following week after my trip to Arizona, and to this day (2 months later), I've never heard a word. I hope no one is feeling too badly for me though, cause clearly I never reached out to him either. Didn't miss him at all and decided to take that as a sign we weren't meant to be. And as my favorite Jay-Z once said, "I'm onto the next one"...
Although TallGuy McUnderBite and I didn't workout, it did prove that it is possible to meet some good people on match and that's why I wanted to give it a second (that's a lie, this is my third) try. I've got a few emails out in the match world and hopefully some smart, funny, nice, tall guys will respond. You know once they do, you'll be the first to hear...
Oh and P.S. TallGuy McUnderBite and I are friends on facebook (not sure how much longer that'll last) and I've discovered that he has an abnormally large (pun intended) number of friendships with plus sized women. I'm not a small lady, and I'd say these women would make me look like Kate Moss. I guess I'm happy to say that I didn't fulfill his fetish needs for a large large lady. Yikes.
Final Vote: Dud.
For my first entry I figured I'd tell you a bit about the dude who brought me to this point. We're going to call him TallGuy McUnderBite.
It all began with a "wink". I had been inactive on my match account for a few months when TallGuy McUnderBite sent me a "wink". He was a big guy, 6'5, with dark hair - totally my style. I debated whether or not to reactive my account and eventually decide (with the prodding of friends) that it was worth a shot. I emailed him a few days later and the "relationship" went from there. A few emails (he seemed really normal - went to baseball games, saw his family, went to a movie, etc.), a few texts (NEVER a phone call), and a bunch of dates. My first impression of him was that he was good looking, funny in a sorta nerdy way, and nice. I wasn't overly in love, but besides his under bite, nothing was "wrong". We started going on dates about twice a week and he was always a gentleman, opened car doors (good job, buddy!), paid, etc.
I'm a pretty "go with the flow" type of a girl, so when all of our dates involved burgers and fries, I didn't particularly mind. Remember - I was never wowed, but things were always fine. I think my friends would tell you that I was starting to like him, but I was always a bit reserved because it never felt quite right. After about one month of "dating" I had a whirlwind 5 weeks lined up. I went out of town for work or fun (wedding in San Francisco, Houston for work, girls trip to Arizona, Thanksgiving at home, and Berkeley for business) for 3-4 days a week for five weeks straight. When a man can't make a phone call, it makes it hard to keep in touch during this much traveling. After week 3 of going away, I decided to have an in-person "talk" with him to see how he thought our "relationship" was going. We were sitting on the couch together, just beginning to make-out, when I pulled back and said something along the lines of, "I know I've been out of town a lot, so I wanted to ask you how you feel about it? How do you feel all of this is going?" He immediately pulled away from me in shock and blurted out "FINE." Well, clearly things were NOT FINE because that was the last time I ever heard from him. Hahaha. Seriously. Two months of dating, plans to hang-out the following week after my trip to Arizona, and to this day (2 months later), I've never heard a word. I hope no one is feeling too badly for me though, cause clearly I never reached out to him either. Didn't miss him at all and decided to take that as a sign we weren't meant to be. And as my favorite Jay-Z once said, "I'm onto the next one"...
Although TallGuy McUnderBite and I didn't workout, it did prove that it is possible to meet some good people on match and that's why I wanted to give it a second (that's a lie, this is my third) try. I've got a few emails out in the match world and hopefully some smart, funny, nice, tall guys will respond. You know once they do, you'll be the first to hear...
Oh and P.S. TallGuy McUnderBite and I are friends on facebook (not sure how much longer that'll last) and I've discovered that he has an abnormally large (pun intended) number of friendships with plus sized women. I'm not a small lady, and I'd say these women would make me look like Kate Moss. I guess I'm happy to say that I didn't fulfill his fetish needs for a large large lady. Yikes.
Final Vote: Dud.
Friday, January 7, 2011
On paper
I should have seen it coming with Tooly McWankface. I mean the guy even actually referred to himself as a tool on multiple occasions. Is it a requirement of match.com men to lead with their flaws? Can't you keep those to yourself? Or at least until I've met your parents. Then maybe I could associate your self loathing behavior with some f-d up parental unit. Self deprecation is not sexy.
So what did I see in Tooly McWankface in the first place? Well I seem to have developed a taste for white collar douche bags. You are probably familiar with this breed of man-child. On the outside they look like they've got it all together. The job (accountant, lawyer, sales exec), the education (private schools their daddies paid for), the resume, the house, the car, the cuff links. But on the inside they are insecure adolescents with addictive personalities and debilitating Oedipus complexes.
Well Tooly was the epitome of white collar douchebagery. He was a classic workaholic and admittedly so. He told me this the day I met him. My white collar fantasies of briefcases and cocktail hours kept me interested. But eventually the extent of his workaholic douchebagery became exceedingly apparent. He was incapable of any spontaneous interaction. Compelled to report to his desk no later than 7am and stay put until 7pm; it was also a non negotiable requirement that he continue to work until midnight once he arrived at his empty apartment (which could pass for corporate housing). Sunday afternoon dinner party? Heck no-he's too busy for that. Spontaneous drink downtown-no its a school night.
The sad part is, when he could schedule me in, I really enjoyed spending time with him. I found him to be interesting, challenging, intelligent and surprisingly passionate. But what would the future hold? Me begging for a few hours of his Saturday, or cold dinners alone? So I had to ask him, even though I knew the answer-does this really qualify as a relationship to you? 4 hours a week? I spend more time with the baggers at Nob Hill. And though he admitted I was right, this was in no sense a relationship, he was not equipped to meet my dating expectations. So we (he) decided not to continue this "relationship" and reported this to me last night in a cold and distant phone call. I wept like he was my first love and thanked god he wasn't there to see me deconstruct, particularly since my mascara wasn't waterproof. He maintained an aloof and professional demeanor and treated me like a client. I hope I won't get a bill for that! I will miss his steady, strong energy and his big sad eyes. I won't miss feeling single when I have a boyfriend. Like his manhood, his existence was only on paper.
Now that Tooly McWankface has released me from the burden of trying to convince somebody to have a life, I am free to wander the streets of match.com again. Final vote: dud
So what did I see in Tooly McWankface in the first place? Well I seem to have developed a taste for white collar douche bags. You are probably familiar with this breed of man-child. On the outside they look like they've got it all together. The job (accountant, lawyer, sales exec), the education (private schools their daddies paid for), the resume, the house, the car, the cuff links. But on the inside they are insecure adolescents with addictive personalities and debilitating Oedipus complexes.
Well Tooly was the epitome of white collar douchebagery. He was a classic workaholic and admittedly so. He told me this the day I met him. My white collar fantasies of briefcases and cocktail hours kept me interested. But eventually the extent of his workaholic douchebagery became exceedingly apparent. He was incapable of any spontaneous interaction. Compelled to report to his desk no later than 7am and stay put until 7pm; it was also a non negotiable requirement that he continue to work until midnight once he arrived at his empty apartment (which could pass for corporate housing). Sunday afternoon dinner party? Heck no-he's too busy for that. Spontaneous drink downtown-no its a school night.
The sad part is, when he could schedule me in, I really enjoyed spending time with him. I found him to be interesting, challenging, intelligent and surprisingly passionate. But what would the future hold? Me begging for a few hours of his Saturday, or cold dinners alone? So I had to ask him, even though I knew the answer-does this really qualify as a relationship to you? 4 hours a week? I spend more time with the baggers at Nob Hill. And though he admitted I was right, this was in no sense a relationship, he was not equipped to meet my dating expectations. So we (he) decided not to continue this "relationship" and reported this to me last night in a cold and distant phone call. I wept like he was my first love and thanked god he wasn't there to see me deconstruct, particularly since my mascara wasn't waterproof. He maintained an aloof and professional demeanor and treated me like a client. I hope I won't get a bill for that! I will miss his steady, strong energy and his big sad eyes. I won't miss feeling single when I have a boyfriend. Like his manhood, his existence was only on paper.
Now that Tooly McWankface has released me from the burden of trying to convince somebody to have a life, I am free to wander the streets of match.com again. Final vote: dud
breaking up is hard to do
I broke up with Funny McJokester today. I had to do it. He picked me up for our date last night and as soon as I closed the door to the car, you could cut the tension with a knife. I think maybe after I had lectured him about liking me too much, he decided he was going to be Mr. Plays-it-Cool Guy. And Mr. Plays-it-Cool Guy is even more annoying than Mr. Likes-me-too-much. It felt like a scene out of a really bad movie: he had Bruce Springsteen on the radio, he was chomping on a piece of gum, and driving like an idiot, holding his cell phone in one hand and barely hanging on to the steering wheel with the other. Every now and then (cuz cool guys do this), he would sing along, loudly, to the lyrics of the song.
When we finally arrived at our destination (after I had to tell him which exit to take and where to park), I asked him if he had seen the restaurant as we drove past - just to get a sense of where we were going. "Nah," he said, too cool to bother. So as we're walking, there are two girls coming toward us and he shouts, "Excuse me ladies, do you know where X Restaurant is?" One girl starts to answer immediately. I look at her and I recognize her - it's my friend Haircut Girl, who works at the salon around the corner. I grab her arm to get her attention. She squeals! We hug and catch up for a few seconds. I realize at that moment that I am embarassed to be seen in public with this guy. I do a quick introduction, she gives us directions, and then I tell haircut girl I'll call her. Ugh. He makes no comment about me running into harcut girl. Instead, he is whistling - loudly - the last Springsteen song that was on the radio.
So at the restaurant, he is cracking lame, sarcastic jokes left and right and making comments about me "wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible." Little does he know... it is no joke. He is right. At one point, the manager comes by and asks how our food is. "It's terrible!" he shouts. "Wah ah ah ah!" (Big, annoying belly laugh). The manager looks horrified. "I'm just kidding," he wails again. She rolls her eyes and walks away. He turns to me: "You probably thought that was annoying?" "Yup," I say.
On the drive home, he made comments about marrying me. Jokes, I am sure, but who knows? When he dropped me off, he didn't bother getting out of his car (even after he had chided me just minutes earlier for not reaching over and unlocking the door for him after I got in the car. Who doesn't have a door unlocking clicker these days? I'm sorry, is it 1961?), so I reached over and gave him a hug. "Thanks for dinner," I said. The entire date - door to door - lasted approximately one hour and thirty minutes. When I made it safely into my house, I was certain that I had dodged a bullet with that guy, and that I would never hear from him again.
But then...! I received this text this morning: "Thanks again for a really nice time last night" DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT HIM!? OMG, I wanted to shout. Get a clue! But I didn't. Instead, I sent him a nice text back breaking up with him. "I just don't feel like the connection is there and I would hate to lead you on," I wrote.
His response: "ha ha ha ok" Ummmmm... yeah. Contact delete. Final, FINAL vote: Dud
On a happier note... literally, on the night that I was about to write him off, Flaky McTallGuy finally called me. I hadn't heard from him in four days (but who's counting), and he left me a voicemail apologizing for being so flaky. He had family in town, was busy with the holidays, etc. It seemed like a valid excuse and it was super cute when he said, "If you're still talking to me, give me a call back." So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I called him back, we chatted, and now we have a date set for Sunday night. I am excited for this one. There is real stud potentional here. I might have to change his nickname if he pulls through on Sunday. Date deets early next week! Current vote: Stud
When we finally arrived at our destination (after I had to tell him which exit to take and where to park), I asked him if he had seen the restaurant as we drove past - just to get a sense of where we were going. "Nah," he said, too cool to bother. So as we're walking, there are two girls coming toward us and he shouts, "Excuse me ladies, do you know where X Restaurant is?" One girl starts to answer immediately. I look at her and I recognize her - it's my friend Haircut Girl, who works at the salon around the corner. I grab her arm to get her attention. She squeals! We hug and catch up for a few seconds. I realize at that moment that I am embarassed to be seen in public with this guy. I do a quick introduction, she gives us directions, and then I tell haircut girl I'll call her. Ugh. He makes no comment about me running into harcut girl. Instead, he is whistling - loudly - the last Springsteen song that was on the radio.
So at the restaurant, he is cracking lame, sarcastic jokes left and right and making comments about me "wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible." Little does he know... it is no joke. He is right. At one point, the manager comes by and asks how our food is. "It's terrible!" he shouts. "Wah ah ah ah!" (Big, annoying belly laugh). The manager looks horrified. "I'm just kidding," he wails again. She rolls her eyes and walks away. He turns to me: "You probably thought that was annoying?" "Yup," I say.
On the drive home, he made comments about marrying me. Jokes, I am sure, but who knows? When he dropped me off, he didn't bother getting out of his car (even after he had chided me just minutes earlier for not reaching over and unlocking the door for him after I got in the car. Who doesn't have a door unlocking clicker these days? I'm sorry, is it 1961?), so I reached over and gave him a hug. "Thanks for dinner," I said. The entire date - door to door - lasted approximately one hour and thirty minutes. When I made it safely into my house, I was certain that I had dodged a bullet with that guy, and that I would never hear from him again.
But then...! I received this text this morning: "Thanks again for a really nice time last night" DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AT HIM!? OMG, I wanted to shout. Get a clue! But I didn't. Instead, I sent him a nice text back breaking up with him. "I just don't feel like the connection is there and I would hate to lead you on," I wrote.
His response: "ha ha ha ok" Ummmmm... yeah. Contact delete. Final, FINAL vote: Dud
On a happier note... literally, on the night that I was about to write him off, Flaky McTallGuy finally called me. I hadn't heard from him in four days (but who's counting), and he left me a voicemail apologizing for being so flaky. He had family in town, was busy with the holidays, etc. It seemed like a valid excuse and it was super cute when he said, "If you're still talking to me, give me a call back." So I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. I called him back, we chatted, and now we have a date set for Sunday night. I am excited for this one. There is real stud potentional here. I might have to change his nickname if he pulls through on Sunday. Date deets early next week! Current vote: Stud
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
So many duds, so little studs
I've been match.coming for about a month now, so I have a list of duds to write about. I am crossing my fingers that some studs will appear, but it's not looking so hopeful...
So the first date I went on was with BoringMcAfrican. Straight up, this guy was a DUD. We met at Starbucks and I yawned at least three times. While maybe it's because this date took place over a month ago, I simply cannot think of a single thing he said. No, I take that back! I do remember that he was from some unpronounceable country in Africa. He was good looking enough, but I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down - and I was drinking caffeinated coffee! I bounced out of there ASAP (I said I had somewhere to be at 7pm) and I even managed to convince him NOT to walk me to my car. The best part: he emailed me a couple of days later and said, "I am not sure if we are a good match." REALLY? So I emailed him back and said, "I agree. You were way too boring for me." He never wrote back. Final vote: Dud
Next was Stalky McLuver. I really liked him at first. We met at a Vietnamese restaurant for Pho and had good conversation. There were two issues, though. 1) whenever I made jokes, he seemed to be laughing at me rather than with me. I felt a little bit like a circus freak or the court jester, like my soul purpose in his life was to entertain him and make him laugh. "Silly girl, do it again!" 2) He did not pay for dinner. When the bill came, it sat there for a while until I awkwardly said, "Should we split it?" "Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," he said. I begrudgingly pulled out my Visa card. So much for a free meal.
Things got really awkward on our second date. I decided to give him a second chance, despite the above-mentioned problems. So for date #2, we went to a wine bar on a rainy night and shared a bottle of wine. After about ten minutes, he inched as close to me as possible and then picked up my hand to hold it. Romantic? Maybe it should have been. But it was not. He continuously touched me, rubbed my legs, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, back. It was creepy. After the date (I had to cut it short because I was dog-sitting and needed to walk the dog), as he walked me to my car, he stopped me near a parking garage and kissed me with way-too-intense passion. I pulled away and told him I had to go. He pulled me closer. So I had no choice but to tug him in the direction of my car. Awkward goodbye kiss.
Even though my vajajay was telling me he was not the guy for me, I decided to give him one more chance. I figured if he liked me that much, I should try to like him back. Big mistake. Huge. So there was one major issue that was really bothering me about him, other than the fact that he practically molested me on our wine date. Every text message he sent me started or ended with "luv". "Hey luv, hope you're having a fantastic day." "Don't worry, luv, you can call me later." "Thanks, luv." Is it a term of endearment? Sure. Should he already have one for me after knowing me for two weeks? I don't think so.
So the next time I see him it's Christmas Eve. I told him I had to literally "squeeze him in" if he wanted to see me. He didn't seem to mind. We met for coffee at a Starbucks in my 'hood, next to the Borders where I was thinking of doing some Christmas shopping. I bought my own coffee cuz he was late. I was hoping he wouldn't show up. He showed up. Ugh. After I finished my coffee (he didn't get any. He prefered to just sit next to me and stare into my enticingly beautiful brown eyes), he suggested we walk around the complex. So we took a stroll around the complex, which included a grassy area that led to some apartments. I told him we had ten minutes to walk because I needed to get going on my Christmas shopping. When we got to the grassy area, he pulled me aside for another aggressive kiss. I knew right then that I wasn't into him. I pulled away and told him I had to go and squirmed my way to my car, but not before he stopped me, looked into my eyes and said, "I'm falling for you." WHAT!? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I said nothing. He also said, "I'm going to miss you." (he was leaving for Houston a couple of days later), "are you going to miss me?" "Suuuuure," I said. Then I got in my car and drove away.
I knew I had to reject him, but I felt bad. So after a couple of days, I sent him a message telling him that while I think he's great, I just don't think he's the one for me. Luckily, he took it well and I have not received a text message with the word "luv" in it ever since. Except from Franny. Final vote: Bud
I'll end this post with one more date: Flaky McTallGuy. I really had high hopes for Flaky. He was tall, smart, funny (he laughed with me and not at me), well-educated (went to Dartmouth), and even a little dorky, which is perfect for me. He had lived in a LA for a while and worked as a reality TV blog writer, which I thought was super cool. He was definitely a man after my own heart. Our date took place about a week before Christmas. We ate Sushi, had great conversation, and he PAID. Yes! Finally a free meal! And he walked me to my car afterwards. He asked me if I had a good time and if I wanted to do it again. I said, "Yes!" He said he would call me and gave me the tiniest little kiss on the lips. I knew he was leaving for New York a couple of days later, so I didn't expect a second date to happen before he left. But he did call and text me a few times, which made me think that he was still interested. Am I wrong to assume that?
He left for New York and texted me throughout the holiday - sent me a picture of his parents' house covered in snow, texted me updates about his return date (he was delayed two days because of airport closures), etc. But when he returned, he scheduled two "potential" dates with me, then canceled both times, claiming he was tired or busy. On New Year's Eve he sent me this text: "Sorry I have been no fun lately! Hope you have a great night tonight." Ummmm, ok, what does that mean? I haven't heard from him since. I am bummed because I thought he was a good match for me. But I guess maybe to him I was just a bud? Oh well, on to the next! Final vote: Bud
So the first date I went on was with BoringMcAfrican. Straight up, this guy was a DUD. We met at Starbucks and I yawned at least three times. While maybe it's because this date took place over a month ago, I simply cannot think of a single thing he said. No, I take that back! I do remember that he was from some unpronounceable country in Africa. He was good looking enough, but I fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down - and I was drinking caffeinated coffee! I bounced out of there ASAP (I said I had somewhere to be at 7pm) and I even managed to convince him NOT to walk me to my car. The best part: he emailed me a couple of days later and said, "I am not sure if we are a good match." REALLY? So I emailed him back and said, "I agree. You were way too boring for me." He never wrote back. Final vote: Dud
Next was Stalky McLuver. I really liked him at first. We met at a Vietnamese restaurant for Pho and had good conversation. There were two issues, though. 1) whenever I made jokes, he seemed to be laughing at me rather than with me. I felt a little bit like a circus freak or the court jester, like my soul purpose in his life was to entertain him and make him laugh. "Silly girl, do it again!" 2) He did not pay for dinner. When the bill came, it sat there for a while until I awkwardly said, "Should we split it?" "Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," he said. I begrudgingly pulled out my Visa card. So much for a free meal.
Things got really awkward on our second date. I decided to give him a second chance, despite the above-mentioned problems. So for date #2, we went to a wine bar on a rainy night and shared a bottle of wine. After about ten minutes, he inched as close to me as possible and then picked up my hand to hold it. Romantic? Maybe it should have been. But it was not. He continuously touched me, rubbed my legs, arms, hands, shoulders, neck, back. It was creepy. After the date (I had to cut it short because I was dog-sitting and needed to walk the dog), as he walked me to my car, he stopped me near a parking garage and kissed me with way-too-intense passion. I pulled away and told him I had to go. He pulled me closer. So I had no choice but to tug him in the direction of my car. Awkward goodbye kiss.
Even though my vajajay was telling me he was not the guy for me, I decided to give him one more chance. I figured if he liked me that much, I should try to like him back. Big mistake. Huge. So there was one major issue that was really bothering me about him, other than the fact that he practically molested me on our wine date. Every text message he sent me started or ended with "luv". "Hey luv, hope you're having a fantastic day." "Don't worry, luv, you can call me later." "Thanks, luv." Is it a term of endearment? Sure. Should he already have one for me after knowing me for two weeks? I don't think so.
So the next time I see him it's Christmas Eve. I told him I had to literally "squeeze him in" if he wanted to see me. He didn't seem to mind. We met for coffee at a Starbucks in my 'hood, next to the Borders where I was thinking of doing some Christmas shopping. I bought my own coffee cuz he was late. I was hoping he wouldn't show up. He showed up. Ugh. After I finished my coffee (he didn't get any. He prefered to just sit next to me and stare into my enticingly beautiful brown eyes), he suggested we walk around the complex. So we took a stroll around the complex, which included a grassy area that led to some apartments. I told him we had ten minutes to walk because I needed to get going on my Christmas shopping. When we got to the grassy area, he pulled me aside for another aggressive kiss. I knew right then that I wasn't into him. I pulled away and told him I had to go and squirmed my way to my car, but not before he stopped me, looked into my eyes and said, "I'm falling for you." WHAT!? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME! I said nothing. He also said, "I'm going to miss you." (he was leaving for Houston a couple of days later), "are you going to miss me?" "Suuuuure," I said. Then I got in my car and drove away.
I knew I had to reject him, but I felt bad. So after a couple of days, I sent him a message telling him that while I think he's great, I just don't think he's the one for me. Luckily, he took it well and I have not received a text message with the word "luv" in it ever since. Except from Franny. Final vote: Bud
I'll end this post with one more date: Flaky McTallGuy. I really had high hopes for Flaky. He was tall, smart, funny (he laughed with me and not at me), well-educated (went to Dartmouth), and even a little dorky, which is perfect for me. He had lived in a LA for a while and worked as a reality TV blog writer, which I thought was super cool. He was definitely a man after my own heart. Our date took place about a week before Christmas. We ate Sushi, had great conversation, and he PAID. Yes! Finally a free meal! And he walked me to my car afterwards. He asked me if I had a good time and if I wanted to do it again. I said, "Yes!" He said he would call me and gave me the tiniest little kiss on the lips. I knew he was leaving for New York a couple of days later, so I didn't expect a second date to happen before he left. But he did call and text me a few times, which made me think that he was still interested. Am I wrong to assume that?
He left for New York and texted me throughout the holiday - sent me a picture of his parents' house covered in snow, texted me updates about his return date (he was delayed two days because of airport closures), etc. But when he returned, he scheduled two "potential" dates with me, then canceled both times, claiming he was tired or busy. On New Year's Eve he sent me this text: "Sorry I have been no fun lately! Hope you have a great night tonight." Ummmm, ok, what does that mean? I haven't heard from him since. I am bummed because I thought he was a good match for me. But I guess maybe to him I was just a bud? Oh well, on to the next! Final vote: Bud
are you a stud?
Welcome to buds, duds, and duds - our match.com dating adventures blog!
We are EyeBrows, Blondie, HeyTallGirl, and Teachy - four working women looking for love.
We're here to find us some huzzzbands. Since men don't seem to be appearing out of thin air, and since we can't dream Mr. Right into existence, we've all decided to take the plunge and join match.com. Our ultimate goal: to find the loves of our lives. Our secondary goal: to have fun, meet men, and come up with some pretty awesome nicknames. Our final goal: to get as many free meals as humanly possible.
Here's how it will work: each of us will document our dating adventures - from winks to full-on makeout sessions. Then, when the time comes, we will rank the men based on this scientific classification:
Is he...
-a bud: Is he nice, smart, funny, cuddly even? Do you care if he sees you without your makeup? Does he like to watch "America's Next Top Model" with you? Yep, I hate to break it to ya, but he's just a bud.
-a dud: Did somebody say "BOOOOORRRR-RING!?" Did he talk to much? Make you fall asleep? Make you wish you were at home with a carton of Haagen Dazs watching "The Bachelor" with your bud? Yikes, then he's a dud.
OR...
-a stud: Does he make you swoon? Do you get all googly-eyed when you talk about him? Is he a sexy beast? HELLA YEAH, that guy's a stud!
So if you're looking for some voyeuristic fun, dating vicariously through the three of us, then check back on this blog. We've got six months of membership to rant about. Don't make us get crazy!
xoxo,
Your Dating Professionals
We are EyeBrows, Blondie, HeyTallGirl, and Teachy - four working women looking for love.
We're here to find us some huzzzbands. Since men don't seem to be appearing out of thin air, and since we can't dream Mr. Right into existence, we've all decided to take the plunge and join match.com. Our ultimate goal: to find the loves of our lives. Our secondary goal: to have fun, meet men, and come up with some pretty awesome nicknames. Our final goal: to get as many free meals as humanly possible.
Here's how it will work: each of us will document our dating adventures - from winks to full-on makeout sessions. Then, when the time comes, we will rank the men based on this scientific classification:
Is he...
-a bud: Is he nice, smart, funny, cuddly even? Do you care if he sees you without your makeup? Does he like to watch "America's Next Top Model" with you? Yep, I hate to break it to ya, but he's just a bud.
-a dud: Did somebody say "BOOOOORRRR-RING!?" Did he talk to much? Make you fall asleep? Make you wish you were at home with a carton of Haagen Dazs watching "The Bachelor" with your bud? Yikes, then he's a dud.
OR...
-a stud: Does he make you swoon? Do you get all googly-eyed when you talk about him? Is he a sexy beast? HELLA YEAH, that guy's a stud!
So if you're looking for some voyeuristic fun, dating vicariously through the three of us, then check back on this blog. We've got six months of membership to rant about. Don't make us get crazy!
xoxo,
Your Dating Professionals
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